8 phrases that manipulative people use to make you second-guess yourself

We’ve all been there: You’re in the middle of a conversation that suddenly feels off, but you can’t quite put your finger on why.

Maybe a friend, boss, or even a family member drops a remark that seems innocent at first—until you find yourself doubting what you just said, what you just did, or what you even think. That’s the hallmark of manipulative language.

I’ve spent years writing about relationships, personal development, and entrepreneurship, and one thing I’ve noticed is that manipulative communication can show up in every sphere of our lives.

Whether you’re running a small business, working in a corporate setting, or just trying to maintain healthy personal connections, it’s crucial to recognize the verbal cues that cause you to second-guess yourself. So, let’s explore eight phrases that are often used to steer you away from your better judgment.

1. “You’re overreacting”

Have you ever felt upset about something a colleague or loved one did, only to be told, “You’re overreacting”? It’s a subtle way of dismissing your feelings. Before you know it, you start questioning whether your emotional response is valid.

A friend of mine used this phrase on me repeatedly in a past business venture. Whenever I voiced concerns—like whether we were being transparent with our clients—he’d accuse me of blowing things out of proportion. In the end, my instincts were right, but I let my friend’s words convince me otherwise for far too long.

The truth is, no one else can define your emotional reality. As noted by psychologist Dr. John Gottman, dismissing someone’s emotions is a surefire way to erode trust. If you often hear “You’re overreacting,” take a moment to validate your own experience first. Don’t let someone else’s opinion undermine what you truly feel.

2. “You never said that”

This is a classic gaslighting tactic. Suddenly, events you’re absolutely sure took place are being denied. Someone insists you never mentioned that key piece of information, that concern, or that boundary. And then you second-guess your own memory.

Winston Churchill famously said, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” While he wasn’t directly talking about interpersonal relationships, his words highlight how quickly falsehoods can spread—especially in an argument.

Once someone forcefully denies something you recall clearly, you might start wondering if you dreamt it.

In my own life, I’ve found that keeping written records—emails, notes, even voice memos—can be a powerful defense against this kind of manipulation. It’s not about distrusting everyone; it’s about safeguarding your sanity when confronted with blatant denial.

3. “If you really cared about me, you’d do it”

This line taps straight into guilt. It suggests that your refusal (or hesitation) to comply is evidence of a lack of love, loyalty, or commitment. It’s a sneaky way to twist a simple request into a litmus test for your relationship.

Years ago, I had a relative who used this phrase whenever she wanted financial help. “If you really cared about me, you’d lend me the money,” she’d say. And sure, it’s normal to help out family, but the moment help becomes a demand tied to whether you “care,” it crosses a line.

Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability and shame, has noted, “Shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging.”

This phrase plays on that exact fear—that if you don’t comply, you’re unloving or unkind. But love and care aren’t bargaining chips. Healthy relationships involve requests, not ultimatums.

4. “I’m just joking. Relax.”

Ever faced a passive-aggressive comment followed by “I’m just joking”? It’s like a get-out-of-jail-free card for someone who wants to tear you down without taking responsibility. Suddenly, the burden is on you to “lighten up,” even though the joke was at your expense.

I’ve seen this in corporate settings where a superior thinks it’s acceptable to make a jab about your performance or your personal life, then brush it off as humor. It undermines your confidence and makes you wonder whether you’re actually too sensitive. But a well-timed “joke” can often carry a kernel of insult or disrespect.

In the words of Cal Newport, “Your attention is one of your most valuable assets.” When you’re constantly derailed by hurtful jokes, you lose focus on what really matters—your goals, your performance, your well-being. Don’t let trivializing phrases like “I’m just joking” make you feel bad for having normal human reactions.

5. “Everyone else agrees with me”

This line makes you feel like you’re the odd one out, suggesting that an entire group is on the manipulator’s side— even if that group is purely imaginary. It’s a tactic that thrives on the human tendency to conform. When we think the majority is against us, we often cave in.

I’ve mentioned this before in one of my earlier posts, but it’s worth repeating here: check the facts. Does everyone really agree with them? Or are they just name-dropping “everyone else” to stack the deck? Sometimes I’ll politely ask, “Oh, who else said that?” In many cases, the manipulator can’t provide a single real name or incident.

Warren Buffett has a great line about investing, but it applies to life in general: “Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful.” In other words, thinking independently—even if you’re the lone voice—can be a huge advantage. Don’t let the phrase “everyone else agrees with me” push you off your own path.

6. “You’re lucky to have me”

Gratitude is one thing, but forced gratitude is another. Hearing someone say, “You’re lucky to have me,” implies you’d be hopeless without them. It’s a subtle power grab that keeps you feeling indebted and unworthy.

I once had a business mentor who used a version of this line whenever I questioned his methods. He’d say something like, “Look, most people your age would kill for my guidance.” It painted me as an ungrateful student rather than someone who had legitimate questions.

Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning that “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”

Whenever someone tries to make you feel lucky to have them—beyond normal gratitude—recognize that there’s a space where you can choose how you interpret their words. Their presence in your life might be helpful, but if it comes with relentless strings attached, you’re not as lucky as they claim.

7. “Just trust me on this”

Trust is important, but blind trust can be a slippery slope. When someone repeatedly dodges accountability with “Just trust me,” it’s time to examine why they’re so reluctant to explain themselves.

Is it a high-pressure sales tactic? A coworker refusing to show you the data behind a decision? A partner who doesn’t want to be transparent about finances?

Ray Dalio, the founder of Bridgewater Associates, once said, “Truth—more precisely, an accurate understanding of reality—is the essential foundation for producing good outcomes.” If someone demands trust without offering transparency, they’re effectively telling you to disregard reality. Don’t.

In my own entrepreneurial endeavors, I’ve found that genuine trust develops when people share facts, logic, and honest intentions. Overusing phrases like “Just trust me on this” might be the easiest way to lose trust altogether.

8. “You’re imagining things”

This final phrase is a direct hit to your sense of perception. It suggests that your observations or concerns aren’t real, and that you’re basically making things up in your head. It’s a pretty effective way to make you question your own sanity.

I’ve witnessed this phrase play out in romantic relationships where one partner suspects something is off but is constantly told, “You’re imagining things,” or “It’s all in your head.” Instead of acknowledging any valid concerns, the manipulator flips the script to avoid accountability.

In business settings, it might manifest as “Don’t be paranoid; that client never said those negative things,” when you distinctly recall them. Either way, the outcome is the same: you doubt yourself, and the manipulator avoids scrutiny.

Final words

We all want to feel confident in our decisions, our emotions, and our memories. Unfortunately, some people thrive on throwing us off-balance. The good news is that once you recognize these eight manipulative lines, you can start setting better boundaries and trusting your own instincts.

Here at Small Biz Technology, we believe awareness is power—whether you’re leading a remote team, pitching investors, or building personal relationships that keep you grounded.

Know the phrases that make you second-guess yourself, and don’t be afraid to push back when they’re used against you. Your reality matters. Your feelings matter. And your voice matters, no matter who tries to convince you otherwise.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from writing about personal development, it’s that real growth starts with believing in your own worth. Don’t hand that worth over to anyone who tries to twist your words or gaslight you into confusion. You deserve to stand firm on your own ground.