If you want to feel more loved by your adult children as you get older, say goodbye to these 8 habits

Navigating the tricky terrain of parenthood is a challenge, even when your kids have entered adulthood. You’ve spent years shaping them, guiding them, and now they’re all grown up, making their own decisions.

But you still yearn for that bond, that connection. You want to feel cherished and respected, but it seems like a struggle.

You’ve tried everything under the sun. You’ve had heart-to-heart conversations and you’ve attempted to bridge the generational gap, but despite your best efforts, you can’t help but feel a bit sidelined.

It’s not always a tearful confrontation or a dramatic argument that brings this realization. Sometimes, it’s just a quiet understanding that something needs to change in order for you to feel more loved by your adult children.

Here’s how to recognize those long-standing habits that may be inadvertently distancing you from your grown-up kids. It’s about saying goodbye to these patterns and welcoming a stronger, more fulfilling relationship with your adult children.

It’s about breaking free from outdated habits and embracing change as you navigate the evolving landscape of parenthood in this digital age.

Even as technology and society advance at an unprecedented pace, the fundamentals of love, respect and understanding remain timeless pillars in fostering strong relationships with your grown-up children.

1) Unchecked criticism

The first habit you need to let go of is unchecked criticism.

This isn’t about constructive feedback or guiding your adult children when they seek your advice.

It’s about the continuous nitpicking, the unnecessary judgment, the barrage of critiques that can slowly erode the bond you share.

If you find yourself constantly pointing out their flaws or criticizing their choices without a thought, it might be time to take a step back.

This habit can often stem from a place of love and concern, but its impact can be counterproductive.

Unchecked criticism can leave your adult children feeling unheard, undervalued, and unloved. It’s like an invisible wall, gradually distancing you from them without you even realizing it.

To feel more loved by your adult children as you age, it’s crucial to replace this habit with acceptance and understanding.

Remember, they’re adults now, navigating their own path in this ever-evolving world. Let their experiences shape them, just like yours shaped you.

This is not about relinquishing your role as a parent, but rather about evolving it. It’s about fostering a relationship where your adult children feel accepted for who they are and loved for it.

Try instead to celebrate their wins—even the small ones. Find moments to affirm their strengths. You’ll find that praise given genuinely often returns in the form of love and appreciation.

2) Disregarding boundaries

The second habit that needs a goodbye wave is disregarding boundaries.

When our children are young, it’s natural for us as parents to be involved in almost every aspect of their lives. But as they grow into adults, the dynamics change.

They have their own lives, their own decisions to make, and their own lessons to learn.

This was a hard pill for me to swallow. I remember when my daughter, Emily, moved to a different city for her job. I was used to calling her multiple times a day, asking about every minute detail of her life.

I thought I was showing concern and love. But one day, she confessed that it was becoming overwhelming for her, and that she needed some space.

It hit me hard. I realized my concern was turning into control, my love was turning into suffocation.

Respecting your adult children’s boundaries can feel like a balancing act at first, but it’s an essential part of maintaining and strengthening your relationship with them.

It’s not just about understanding where the lines are drawn, but also about learning to accept and respect them.

This shift may require patience and practice, but it can make a world of difference in making you feel more loved by your adult children.

And don’t mistake silence for distance. Sometimes, quiet respect for their autonomy speaks volumes about how much you care.

3) Refusing to let go of the past

Mark Twain once said, “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”

This profound quote resonates deeply when we talk about our relationships with our adult children.

The third habit that you might need to reconsider is refusing to let go of the past.

Holding onto past mistakes, disagreements, or misunderstandings can create a toxic environment in any relationship.

But when it comes to your adult children, it can become a significant roadblock in feeling loved and cherished.

Our children will make mistakes—just like we have—and they will learn from them.

If we constantly remind them of their past errors, we’re not allowing them to grow, evolve, and move forward.

We’re trapping them in an endless loop of guilt and regret.

Resentment rarely builds connection. But forgiveness? That’s where healing begins.

By choosing forgiveness over resentment, we allow our relationship with our adult children to heal and strengthen.

We open the doors for love, respect, and understanding to flow freely between us.

So take a leaf out of Twain’s book. Let the scent of forgiveness fill your relationship with your adult children, making you feel more loved as you journey through life together.

4) Not acknowledging their adulthood

There’s an intriguing piece of information that says the human brain doesn’t fully mature until around the age of 25.

This is when our decision-making abilities, emotional intelligence, and general understanding of the world around us really start to solidify.

The fourth habit that might be hindering your relationship with your adult children is not acknowledging their adulthood.

Just because they’ve crossed the legal age of adulthood doesn’t mean they’ve magically become fully mature overnight.

And just because they’re not kids anymore doesn’t mean they don’t need your love, support, and understanding.

But there’s a delicate balance to maintain here. You need to recognize that they are adults now, capable of making their own decisions and dealing with the consequences.

At the same time, you need to be there for them when they need you, offering your wisdom and guidance.

When you acknowledge their adulthood, you also give them the freedom to be honest with you.

That’s when deeper, more rewarding relationships begin to take root.

5) Neglecting self-care

The fifth habit that often goes unnoticed is neglecting self-care.

As parents, we often put our children’s needs above our own. Even when they’ve grown into adults, this instinct doesn’t just switch off.

We still worry about them, help them, support them in every way we can.

But here’s an important realization: taking care of yourself is not selfish. In fact, it’s necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship with your adult children.

When your kids see you thriving, it relieves them of the burden of worry.

When you show them that your happiness isn’t solely dependent on their attention or involvement, they’re more likely to engage with you out of desire—not obligation.

Moreover, when we are content and fulfilled in our own lives, we can foster a more loving and supportive relationship with our adult children.

It’s about finding that balance between caring for others and caring for ourselves.

So go ahead—book that class, plan that trip, pursue that hobby.

Show your children that growing older doesn’t mean fading away—it means living fully.

6) Overstepping in their personal matters

The sixth habit that you might need to reassess is overstepping in their personal matters.

As parents, we often feel a strong need to protect our children, even when they have grown up.

We want to shield them from harm, prevent them from making mistakes, and guide them toward what we believe is best.

But unless they specifically ask for your help or advice, it’s essential to respect their personal space and let them handle their problems.

This doesn’t mean withdrawing emotionally. It means showing up in a supportive way, not a directive one.

Let them know you’re there to listen without judgment. Your quiet presence might be more valuable than any well-meaning suggestion.

7) Failing to communicate effectively

The seventh habit that can potentially create a rift between you and your adult children is failing to communicate effectively.

Communication is the backbone of any relationship, and it becomes even more critical when your children transition into adulthood.

This isn’t just about speaking—it’s about listening.

For example, if your adult child vents about a problem, avoid rushing to fix it.

Instead, ask thoughtful questions. Reflect back what you hear. Validate their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand their choices.

As Brene Brown says, “Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.” Empathetic listening builds that connection. It lets your children know that their voice matters in your world.

8) Failing to show unconditional love and acceptance

Finally, the eighth habit that needs a rethink is failing to show unconditional love and acceptance.

As parents, we want our children to succeed, to be happy, to live up to their potential.

But sometimes, in our quest for their success, we forget that they are their own person.

Unconditional love means accepting your adult children for who they are, not who you want them to be.

The truth is, our adult children don’t stop needing our love and acceptance just because they’re grown-ups now.

They still crave our support—even if they no longer need our permission.

So let go of any expectations or conditions. Love them for who they are. Accept them with all their strengths and weaknesses.

The final takeaway

If you find some of these habits ring true in your relationship with your adult children, don’t worry. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward change.

Building a rich and loving relationship with your adult children as you age is a journey, not a destination. It requires self-awareness, patience, and a willingness to evolve.

In the words of Maya Angelou, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

So, begin today. Say goodbye to these habits and foster a loving relationship with your adult children that makes you feel cherished and valued as you grow older together.

And remember—change begins with you.