In my twenties, I was so caught up chasing deadlines and climbing career ladders that I barely noticed I was losing friends along the way.
Sure, I had colleagues and casual acquaintances, but genuine friends? Hardly.
It wasn’t that I hated people or didn’t want meaningful relationships.
I just got so wrapped up in my own head that I ended up pushing others away without even realizing it.
Over time, I began to notice certain behaviors, both in myself and in others, that signaled someone was struggling to form true connections.
Certain ingrained habits or tendencies can create walls around us, making it hard for genuine friendships to flourish.
Below are seven of the most common ways this dynamic shows up.
1. They’re often overly negative or critical
One thing I’ve noticed is that people who can’t seem to keep real friends tend to be the ones who see the worst in everything.
For example, I once had a co-worker who could turn even the smallest project hiccup into a catastrophic event.
No matter what was going on, they were always criticizing someone or complaining about something.
Negativity can be draining, and when someone exudes that energy on a daily basis, it’s tough for others to stick around.
There’s a difference between occasionally venting about life’s challenges and constantly dwelling on problems.
People pick up on that.
If every conversation turns into an endless lament, folks naturally distance themselves.
A shift in focus, even just a small effort to highlight what’s going right, can help break the cycle and make room for authentic connection.
2. They struggle to show genuine empathy
Genuine friendships require a certain level of mutual understanding.
When people don’t display empathy, it becomes almost impossible to form deeper bonds.
Sometimes, a person who lacks friends might not know how to pick up on emotional cues.
They could be the type who, when you share a problem, responds with “That’s nothing, you should hear what happened to me!”
Or maybe they give half-hearted advice without bothering to validate your feelings.
Empathy isn’t just about saying, “I’m sorry you’re going through that.”
It’s about trying to understand another person’s experience and making them feel heard.
Without empathy, conversations stay at the surface level, leaving people feeling invisible or misunderstood.
And when that happens repeatedly, friends start drifting away.
Often, those with minimal social support don’t even realize they’re missing this crucial piece of the connection puzzle.
By working on self-awareness, perhaps checking in more frequently with how others feel, it’s possible to form the deeper bonds we all crave.
3. They rarely open up about themselves
Imagine you have a neighbor who’s perfectly polite.
They’ll chat about the weather, local events, or work, but they never share anything personal.
Everything is kept at arm’s length.
Over time, people might feel they’re talking to a pleasant stranger rather than a genuine companion.
Vulnerability is at the heart of real friendship.
Sharing a bit of your worries, hopes, and past embarrassments establishes a deeper connection.
I learned this in my own life when I was leading a small mastermind group for budding entrepreneurs.
For a while, I kept everything professional.
Then one day, I confessed a big mistake I made early in my business journey and how it taught me resilience.
That single act of opening up encouraged others to do the same, and our bonds grew stronger.
When someone never shares anything personal, it’s difficult for others to see them as more than just an acquaintance.
4. They constantly try to one-up others
I once knew someone who treated every conversation like a competition.
If you mentioned you’d read a new book, they’d let you know they’d read five more by the same author.
If you got a nice deal on a vacation, they’d boast about a more luxurious getaway.
At first, it felt like harmless banter.
But after a while, it became clear they were using other people’s stories as springboards to talk about themselves.
It’s exhausting to feel like you’re in a race every time you share something personal.
One-upping can come across as dismissive of other people’s experiences and a sneaky way to grab the spotlight.
Before long, people stop sharing the good things happening in their life because they don’t want to be overshadowed.
Eventually, they may distance themselves altogether.
The antidote is to practice active listening.
If we can celebrate someone else’s win without turning it into a personal competition, that’s where the seeds of genuine friendship can start to grow.
5. They isolate themselves when they’re upset
Have you ever had a friend vanish the moment life got stressful for them?
There’s a pattern I’ve noticed in some people who struggle to keep a supportive circle: whenever they’re going through a rough patch, they retreat inward and go off the grid.
They might stop responding to calls or texts, and only reappear once they’ve emerged from their troubles.
While it’s understandable to crave solitude during hard times, shutting people out entirely can signal that you don’t trust them or value their support.
Real friends provide a kind of mutual emotional safety net.
If someone repeatedly handles stress by disappearing, others may feel unwanted or unneeded.
After a while, those on the outside might give up trying to help.
I’ve certainly had moments when I felt tempted to handle everything on my own, especially when juggling family responsibilities and business deadlines.
But I realized I was depriving the people closest to me of the chance to lend their support.
It may feel more comfortable to handle pain alone, but allowing others in can lead to bonds that last far beyond the tough times.
6. They break trust through gossip or inconsistency
People without a stable circle of confidants often have a pattern of broken trust in their wake.
This can show up in a couple of ways.
The first is gossip, where someone shares private information about others, sometimes just for the sake of having something interesting to say.
The second is good old-fashioned inconsistency: they might promise to help with a project then back out at the last minute, or they may share vulnerable details of their own life with you but not stick around when you need them.
Healthy relationships thrive on trust.
No one wants to feel like they’ll be the subject of the next rumor, or that any secret they share will become fodder for small talk.
According to an article I came across on Psychology Today, trust is built through repeated, consistent actions that show reliability and respect.
When someone constantly undermines that sense of security, others will create distance to protect themselves.
This is often how people wind up friendless, without fully understanding how they got there.
7. They have a habit of blaming everyone else
Sometimes, these individuals believe that external forces, or other people, are the source of all their problems.
They might say things like, “Nobody ever sticks around. Everyone’s fake.”
They rarely look inward to examine whether their own behaviors might be driving people away.
It’s tough to get close to someone who’s always playing the victim, because it leaves little room for growth or shared accountability.
From my vantage point, taking responsibility for our actions is crucial in any relationship.
If someone perpetually points fingers outward, friends may grow wary of the inevitable moment they become the target of blame.
A willingness to accept at least some responsibility (even if it’s not fully your fault) can foster empathy, understanding, and openness, all necessary ingredients for real friendship.
When we’re able to own our part and learn from mistakes, we stand a better chance at forming authentic bonds that endure beyond disagreements and misunderstandings.
Wrapping up
If any of these traits resonate, don’t lose hope.
It’s possible to nurture healthier connections by addressing the underlying habits that keep people at a distance.
Small shifts, like offering a listening ear instead of rushing to criticize, or opening up about a personal experience, can begin to soften the walls we build around ourselves.
We’re social creatures by nature, and real friendships can be a source of incredible support, inspiration, and joy.
Recognizing where we might be falling short is the first step toward genuine connection.
With a bit of introspection and a willingness to experiment with new approaches, we can all break free of old habits and invite more meaningful relationships into our lives.
Even the smallest step toward empathy, honesty, and vulnerability can create a ripple effect that transforms how we relate to the people around us.
Feeling stuck in self-doubt?
Stop trying to fix yourself and start embracing who you are. Join the free 7-day self-discovery challenge and learn how to transform negative emotions into personal growth.
