If a woman uses these 9 phrases, she is hiding emotional pain

I’ve often noticed that words can act like a safety shield, protecting people from questions they’re not ready to answer.

Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re doing it, but certain phrases become our default response whenever we sense we might be vulnerable.

In my own life, I’ve found myself using specific expressions when I really don’t want someone to see what’s going on inside.

Those phrases often slip out when I’m juggling a tricky relationship matter, dealing with mom-guilt, or stressing over work.

Because I’ve experienced it firsthand—and seen it in friends, colleagues, and acquaintances—I want to shine a light on those “tell-tale” phrases some women use when they’re quietly struggling.

When you hear them, pay attention. It might be a sign that the speaker’s heart is heavier than she’s letting on. Recognizing these linguistic cues can help us check in with each other in a gentler way.

Here are nine such phrases I’ve come across in both my personal and professional life.

1. “I’m fine”

The moment I hear someone say “I’m fine,” my internal radar usually kicks in. I know I’ve used this very phrase countless times when I felt anything but fine.

It’s short, direct, and so common that it often slips by unnoticed. But more often than not, “I’m fine” is a conversation closer. It keeps people at a safe distance, shutting the door to deeper questions.

For many women, “I’m fine” feels like an automatic coping mechanism.

By insisting that we’re fine, we convince ourselves it’s easier to move on rather than open up a bigger conversation that might lead to tears, anger, or further questions.

2. “It’s no big deal”

Sometimes, a person might say something is no big deal when it’s actually the main issue stuck in her mind.

I remember a conversation with a close friend who insisted that her falling out with a family member wasn’t important.

After a few weeks, though, she broke down and admitted it was taking a toll on her mental health. That moment made me realize how quickly we tend to minimize our feelings.

“It’s no big deal” can be a way of trivializing something that’s actually creating emotional distress.

We may even feel guilty for feeling bothered, so we say it’s not an issue. But deep down, it is. If you find yourself or someone else using this phrase, it’s worth gently probing.

You might discover that there’s an entire story waiting to be shared—a story that needs empathy, not dismissal.

3. “I’m just tired”

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard this phrase from friends who are clearly juggling a mountain of stress—myself included.

When I was first balancing entrepreneurship with caring for my newborn son, “I’m just tired” practically became my go-to response for everything. I was tired, yes, but it was also mixed with anxiety, frustration, and a strong feeling that I should be handling everything on my own.

Even as a simple statement, “I’m just tired” can hide a more complex struggle. This phrase sometimes implies physical exhaustion, but it can also mask mental and emotional exhaustion.

Research on burnout highlights that women often feel pressured to take on multiple roles at once—employee, mother, partner, friend—and the exhaustion can be overwhelming.

Admitting it is one thing; revealing the real depth of the exhaustion is another.

So if you notice a friend or colleague repeatedly saying she’s tired, consider asking her a follow-up question to see if there’s more beneath the surface.

4. “I’ll figure it out on my own”

There’s nothing wrong with self-reliance, of course. I’ve prided myself on being independent and capable, especially when I first launched my consulting agency.

But sometimes, I catch myself saying “I’ll figure it out on my own” in a tone that signals I might be shutting people out. Usually, that’s because I’m grappling with something a bit larger than a simple problem to solve.

When a woman insists on handling everything alone, she might be hiding hurt or embarrassment. Perhaps she fears burdening others or being viewed as incompetent.

For some, it’s rooted in a belief that asking for help is a sign of weakness—an idea that’s especially prevalent in high-achieving environments.

But the truth is, we all need a safe space to vent, brainstorm, and get emotional support.

That simple statement “I’ll figure it out” sometimes masks a desperate wish for someone to step up and say, “You don’t have to do this alone.”

5. “Don’t worry about me”

This phrase often comes packaged with a forced smile or a quick topic change.

I’ve heard it from a dear family member who always puts others first and never wants to be a “burden.” In her mind, telling people not to worry means protecting them from her problems.

Deep down, though, I suspect she longs for someone to notice she’s hurting and offer a supportive hand.

Saying “Don’t worry about me” might be a way to avoid deeper discussions because it’s easier to steer the spotlight back to someone else. It can also be a sign of low self-worth.

If someone around you repeatedly says “Don’t worry about me,” it could indicate that she feels unworthy of comfort or is too proud to ask for help.

6. “I shouldn’t feel this way”

That one might sound a bit more revealing, but it still doubles as a shield. Imagine someone saying, “I know I’m overreacting,” or “I shouldn’t feel this way, other people have it worse.”

Words like these can downplay legitimate emotions.

I’ve personally struggled with guilt for feeling down when my life seemed “great” on paper. Instead of admitting I was stressed, I’d try to dismiss my feelings by telling myself they were irrational.

For many, this phrase is tied to deep-rooted beliefs about what we’re allowed to feel.

There’s a societal expectation that we have to be strong, cheerful, and accommodating, and anything short of that feels like a failure.

Over time, saying “I shouldn’t feel this way” can internalize our pain, leaving it unresolved.

Even if the feeling isn’t easy to talk about, recognizing it as valid is the first step toward addressing it and finding a healthier emotional balance.

7. “I just need some space”

Everyone needs alone time now and then, but I’ve noticed that “I just need some space” sometimes comes up right before someone withdraws into a shell.

There’s a difference between healthy boundaries and disappearing into isolation.

If a woman says this and then cuts off almost all communication, it can signal that she feels overwhelmed, anxious, or ashamed—emotions that might be too raw to share.

It’s a delicate line. I believe in respecting boundaries, but I also realize that some people use this phrase when they’re trying to avoid the vulnerability of tough conversations.

They might fear that opening up will lead to conflict or criticism.

In these moments, a gentle check-in—letting the other person know you’re there if they need anything—can offer a sense of safety.

When people know they’re not being forced to share but have the option to, they might be more willing to open up eventually.

8. “I don’t want to bother anyone”

This one goes hand-in-hand with “Don’t worry about me.” I think it reflects a common fear of imposing on others.

I’ve caught myself saying it when I’m juggling way too much but still hesitate to delegate tasks or let someone know I’m struggling.

It could be leftover conditioning from times when we’ve been dismissed or told to “toughen up.”

Whether it’s at work, in a friendship, or in a family context, not wanting to “bother” others can mean a person is holding onto emotional burdens that grow heavier by the day.

There’s a common belief that a “good” friend, mother, or partner must manage everything gracefully. Yet, speaking up can lead to relief and support.

If you hear someone say “I don’t want to bother anyone,” consider asking them what’s on their mind. It might give them the opening they need to finally let some of that weight off their chest.

9. “Everything’s okay, really”

I recall an acquaintance who went through a tough breakup but never showed an ounce of sadness in public.

Whenever asked, she’d say, “Everything’s okay, really,” in an almost rehearsed tone. Over time, she admitted that heartbreak made her feel vulnerable, and she just couldn’t bear to be pitied.

We often adopt this phrase to maintain an illusion of control. Saying “Everything’s okay” is much easier than explaining a complex emotional storm.

But it can be a lonely path to walk, because it keeps people from truly seeing what we’re going through.

When you suspect a friend or colleague is masking pain behind an “Everything’s okay,” you might try gentle empathy: a simple text or a thoughtful question that shows you genuinely care.

It’s amazing how one supportive comment can open the floodgates for a more honest conversation.

Wrapping up

Language can reveal so much about what’s happening under the surface.

When you notice someone using these key phrases repeatedly, pause and offer a bit more compassion.

Perhaps suggest a coffee chat or a casual walk, something that gives them space to share if they’re ready.

Emotional honesty doesn’t come easily for many of us, but it’s a skill we can all cultivate. Sometimes, we just need the right moment and the right listener. If you find yourself relying on these phrases, consider what’s behind them.

Reaching out for support might feel scary, but it’s also a courageous step toward healing.

Ultimately, a moment of genuine connection can be enough to ease a burden—or at least remind us that we’re not going through it alone.