9 greetings I stopped using because they were turning people off

Have you ever blurted out a casual greeting, only to realize seconds later that you’ve put the other person in a weird spot?

I have.

I used to think a greeting was just a simple, throwaway phrase—like a filler at the beginning of a conversation.

Little did I know, those words could sometimes rub people the wrong way.

Over the years, I noticed that certain expressions would create an awkward atmosphere or even cause people to close off before the conversation really began.

It took me several embarrassing social faux pas—and a dash of feedback from honest friends—to realize just how important those first few words are.

So, let’s dive into the nine greetings I cut from my vocabulary (or tweaked) because, frankly, they were making me come across as insensitive, too familiar, or downright dismissive.

Sound interesting? Let’s get to it.

1. What’s up with you?

This sounds harmless on paper. But in the real world, greeting someone with “What’s up with you?” can have a confrontational edge to it—especially if your tone isn’t spot-on.

People sometimes interpret it as though you’re asking, “What’s your problem?” or “You seem off—what’s going on?” Granted, you might be genuinely curious about their day. Yet it can catch people off-guard and push them into a defensive stance.

I found that whenever I tossed out this greeting, I’d see people tense up—like they suddenly owed me an explanation. It wasn’t the vibe I wanted to set.

If you want to check in with someone’s well-being, try something more open-ended like, “How are things going today?” or simply, “How’s it going?”—with a warm tone. It’s less likely to be interpreted as an interrogation.

2. Hey, stranger!

I used to think this was a playful way to acknowledge that I hadn’t seen someone in a while.

But I realized it can come across as passive-aggressive, implying that the other person has been ignoring you or dropping the ball in the relationship.

For some folks, hearing “Hey, stranger!” is like a low-key guilt trip. It insinuates that they’ve been absent or that they should’ve reached out sooner. If you genuinely want to catch up, consider something more direct and positive.

“It’s been too long! How have you been?” leaves the door wide open without making them feel bad.

I used this greeting on a colleague once—someone I hadn’t spoken to in months. He replied, “Yeah, I’ve been dealing with some tough stuff at home. Sorry for being a ‘stranger.’”

Cue the awkward silence. That interaction made me rethink my wording forever.

3. You look tired…

I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling run-down, the last thing I want is someone pointing it out the moment they see me.

Yet I used to greet people with this line if they looked a bit worn out. My intention? Show concern. The result? Offense or embarrassment.

Telling someone they look tired can be interpreted as, “You look bad.” It’s like you’re pinpointing a flaw in their appearance.

And let’s face it: We all have days where we’re exhausted. We don’t need to be reminded the second we walk into a room.

If you’re worried about a friend or colleague, try something like, “How are you feeling today? You doing okay?” They’ll appreciate your concern rather than feeling self-conscious.

4. Why are you so serious?

This greeting made me think I was lightening the mood, but all it did was put people on the spot.

Sometimes, the other person might just be focusing, or maybe they’re naturally not as bubbly. By pointing it out, you risk appearing dismissive or undermining their feelings.

Research suggests that first impressions form quickly—in mere seconds.

If your opening line questions someone’s mood in a negative way, it could set the stage for an uncomfortable or defensive conversation.

I’ll go with something like, “How’s your day going?” or I’ll offer a small, genuine compliment.

This helps break the ice in a non-threatening way and invites them to share what’s going on (or not) at their own pace.

5. Dude, guess what?!

Yes, I know this one seems friendly if you’re talking to a close buddy.

But in many work or networking scenarios, greeting someone with “Dude, guess what?!” can sound like you’re about to drop trivial gossip or overshadow the other person’s day.

We live in a fast-paced world. Leading with “Guess what?” often feels like you’re demanding their undivided attention immediately—especially if the conversation is meant to be more professional.

It can also be a letdown if your big news isn’t that big.

In professional or more formal settings, I pivot to “Hey, I’ve got some news—can I share?” or “I have something exciting to tell you!”

It’s still enthusiastic but comes off as more considerate of their time and interest.

6. Ugh, I’m so busy…

I’m guilty of this one. I’d see a friend or acquaintance and greet them with a sigh, complaining about how swamped I was.

The vibe? Negative right out the gate. It almost invalidated whatever was going on in their world and set the tone for a pity party.

Using a greeting to highlight personal busyness can make the other person feel like you’re too occupied to engage.

It signals, “I’m overwhelmed, so I might not give you my full attention.” Also, constantly lamenting about your stress might come across as a subtle brag—like you’re important because you’re so overloaded.

I still might mention workload or stress, but not as an opener. If someone asks how I’m doing, I’ll give a concise, honest answer but also turn the question back to them.

Conversations feel more balanced and welcoming that way.

7. Hey, you alive?

Ouch. I once thought this was a cheeky way to say, “We haven’t talked in ages, are you still around?”

But there’s an almost harsh edge to it—like you’re scolding the person for vanishing off the face of the earth.

If the person has been through a tough time, this greeting can come off as extremely insensitive.

“Yes, I’m alive, but I’ve had some serious family issues and mental health struggles.” Not exactly the warm reunion you might’ve hoped for, right?

“It’s been a while—how have you been?” or “I’ve missed chatting with you. What’s new?” keeps the door open and encourages a more genuine response.

8. Morning, sunshine!

This might not seem like a big deal, but greeting someone as “sunshine” or using overly sweet nicknames can grate on the nerves, especially if you’re not close.

I worked at a startup where a new team lead greeted everyone with “Morning, sunshine!” Some people thought it was cute, but a handful found it patronizing.

Not everyone appreciates overly familiar language—particularly if it feels forced. In a professional setting, it can blur boundaries. In a personal setting, it might just feel awkward or insincere.

I once used a similar greeting with a new acquaintance who gave me a polite but clearly uncomfortable laugh. I realized I was crossing a line—pretending we were more familiar than we actually were.

9. We need to talk.

This phrase practically screams doom. Even if you just want to share a new idea, “We need to talk” instantly triggers anxiety.

The person’s mind might race: “Did I do something wrong?” “Is there bad news?”

As James Clear has said, “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” While Clear’s wisdom typically applies to habits, I think it fits here too—our words are a reflection of how we engage with others.

If your first words are alarming, you’re casting a vote toward being the person who freaks people out at ‘hello.’

I replaced “We need to talk” with something more transparent. “Could we chat about an idea I have?” or “I’d love to run something by you—do you have a moment?” gets the message across without that ominous undertone.

And here’s a little side note: I’ve mentioned this before but words have weight. The subtle changes in our language can shift how people perceive us and how they respond.

Wrapping things up, but it’s still a big deal…

Greetings set the tone for every interaction. As Stephen Covey famously put it, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

This applies to how we open our conversations too. If our opening line is off-putting, the rest of the conversation might be an uphill battle.

These nine greetings might seem minor, but language is powerful. Choosing more considerate ways to say hello can make your interactions smoother, your relationships stronger, and your first impressions more positive.

For me, it’s been a journey of noticing what trips people’s wires and adjusting accordingly. Small habit shifts in how we greet others can lead to big improvements in our everyday personal and professional connections.

Until next time, friends.