I’ve noticed that sometimes, the most puzzling behaviors in my life can be traced back to small but significant gaps in how I was once treated or cared for.
One of the biggest gaps people experience—often without even realizing it—is emotional neglect.
Unlike more obvious forms of harm, emotional neglect can be subtle, and its effects often creep into adulthood as odd habits or reactions we can’t quite explain.
You might catch yourself shrugging off compliments, feeling anxious about simple decisions, or constantly apologizing for things that aren’t your fault.
Understanding these behaviors can be the first step to healing. It’s not always easy to connect these dots, especially if you grew up in an environment where you didn’t receive enough emotional support.
But once you notice the patterns, they become impossible to ignore.
Below, I’ll share eight particularly strange habits that can sometimes take root after living with emotional neglect—plus some thoughts on how we can learn to cope with them and move forward.
1. Constantly looking for external validation
When emotional needs go unmet during childhood (or even in certain adult relationships), there’s a hidden message that your feelings don’t matter.
As a result, you might grow into someone who craves other people’s opinions and endorsements before you can trust your own instincts.
I remember a phase in my life when I wouldn’t sign off on even the smallest decisions—like choosing a restaurant—without texting two or three friends to see what they thought.
It was almost like I was afraid my own preferences weren’t worth trusting.
According to Psychology Today, this desire for external validation can stem from not receiving enough encouragement or emotional support at key developmental stages.
The habit itself might look harmless, but it can create a cycle of self-doubt that’s hard to break.
Over time, you may notice that you rarely do anything without first asking someone else, “Is this okay?” or “Am I doing this right?”
It’s worth taking a moment to consider how often you rely on outside opinions, and whether you can slowly practice trusting your own judgment in small steps.
2. Apologizing all the time (even when it’s not your fault)
I used to work in a small co-working space, and I remember one day tripping over a cable that someone had left stretched across the floor.
Instead of being annoyed, my first instinct was to say “I’m sorry!” to anyone within earshot—despite the fact that the cable obviously wasn’t my fault.
If you’ve been emotionally neglected, you may have grown up feeling like a burden, believing that your needs or presence were always an inconvenience.
As adults, this can turn into the reflexive habit of apologizing for anything that even remotely feels like it could be your fault. It’s a way of trying to keep the peace, to show that you’re not a threat or a bother.
Though apologizing in small doses can be polite, over-apologizing sends a message to your own mind (and others) that you’re always at fault.
Noticing this habit and gradually replacing it with a polite but less submissive response can go a long way toward reclaiming your self-esteem.
3. Struggling to accept compliments
A strange habit that often flies under the radar is automatically deflecting any form of praise.
Maybe you shrug and say, “Oh, it’s nothing,” whenever someone acknowledges your hard work. Or you quickly change the subject because compliments make you feel squirmy inside.
From my perspective, if no one really acknowledged your achievements or strengths in the past—or worse, if they brushed off your accomplishments—it might feel unnatural to accept compliments.
An emotionally neglected person sometimes becomes skilled at minimizing themselves or thinking they don’t deserve positive attention.
I’ve had moments where someone said “You did a fantastic job on that project,” and I’d respond with something like, “I got lucky, really.”
Over time, I learned that accepting a compliment with a simple “Thank you” can feel empowering, even if it’s uncomfortable at first.
Just giving a genuine smile and acknowledging the positive feedback can boost your confidence in subtle but meaningful ways.
4. Difficulty identifying your own feelings
One of the less obvious outcomes of being ignored or dismissed when you were upset, sad, or even happy is that you might find it tricky to label how you feel.
I’ve noticed that for some folks, emotions can appear as a tangled ball of confusion. You know you’re not doing great, but pinpointing if it’s anxiety, sadness, or anger feels impossible.
According to Verywell Mind, childhood emotional neglect often leads to poor emotional awareness in adulthood.
If no one guided you through your feelings or taught you how to handle them, you might’ve learned to just bottle things up. As a result, those feelings can manifest as random mood swings or chronic stress without any clear cause.
Practicing mindfulness or even journaling can be a helpful way to untangle your emotions. Writing down how you feel—no matter how jumbled—can provide clarity over time.
Even if it starts with just “I feel off today,” acknowledging that is a step toward understanding yourself better.
5. Avoiding conflict at all costs
I used to be so conflict-averse that I’d agree to things I didn’t actually want to do just to keep everyone happy.
This included everything from attending unnecessary meetings to organizing events for people who never showed up. It felt easier to just nod along than to risk causing tension.
When you’ve been emotionally neglected, direct confrontation might feel like you’re stepping into dangerous territory.
You may have learned that voicing your concerns or disagreements leads to more harm than good. So, you prioritize peace over honesty.
The downside is that continually avoiding conflict can wear away at your sense of self. You end up bending to everyone else’s preferences, losing track of your own boundaries and values.
Sometimes, it helps to start with small boundary-setting exercises—like politely saying “no” to a minor request you really don’t want to fulfill. Each time you do it, you reinforce the idea that your feelings and needs matter, too.
6. Over-explaining your every move
Whenever I send an email, I have a habit of over-explaining exactly why I’m making a certain request or decision.
It’s like I assume that without a thorough explanation, people might think I’m being unreasonable or difficult.
This tendency can be linked to feeling like you constantly have to justify your existence or choices to those around you.
Growing up without emotional support, you might have learned that your motivations are suspect or that people won’t believe you unless you give them a novel’s worth of detail.
Over time, it becomes second nature. You’ll notice you’re sending text messages that read like essays, defending yourself in situations where no defense is required.
It might be helpful to practice brevity. Next time you need to explain something, try cutting your explanation in half.
If it feels uncomfortable, remind yourself that your words and choices carry weight on their own. It’s okay to trust that people will take you at face value.
7. Avoiding asking for help (even when you need it)
This is one I’m personally familiar with. I’ve always prided myself on being self-reliant, which isn’t inherently bad—but it became a problem when I’d refuse help that could have saved me time, stress, and emotional energy.
If you were emotionally neglected, it might have felt pointless to ask for help because no one was there to lend a hand or listen when you needed it.
Over time, this can turn into a habit of suffering in silence. I recall a period when my schedule was overwhelming—running a business and taking care of my kids—and a friend offered to take the children for an afternoon so I could catch up.
My immediate response was, “No, I’m fine, I’ve got this,” even though I was dying for a break.
Learning to say “yes” to help can feel transformative. It reminds you that you’re not alone and that plenty of people actually want to be there for you—if you let them.
8. Feeling guilty when relaxing or having fun
Ever catch yourself feeling uneasy or restless when you finally have a spare moment to do something enjoyable?
Sometimes I’ll get an evening free, but instead of enjoying a movie or reading a good book, I start itching to do chores or answer emails I “forgot.”
This can happen when, growing up, no one acknowledged your need for downtime or fun. Maybe you were made to feel lazy or irresponsible whenever you tried to do something just because you liked it.
As an adult, it manifests as feeling guilty for resting.
Letting yourself enjoy free time can be a powerful form of self-care. It’s essential to remind yourself that you don’t need to earn the right to unwind. If you notice yourself drowning in guilt during leisure time, try setting a small time limit for fun or relaxation.
Tell yourself: “For the next hour, I’m going to read or watch something just for me—and that’s perfectly acceptable.”
Over time, you can rewire your mind to understand that joy is not a luxury; it’s part of a healthy life.
Wrapping up
Moving beyond these strange habits takes patience and self-compassion.
Emotional neglect can shape our minds in ways we don’t always notice until adulthood, but the good news is that awareness is the first step toward change.
Whether it’s learning to accept a compliment, cutting back on the apologizing, or finally standing up for yourself, each little shift helps you reclaim the emotional wholeness you might have missed out on before.
As I’ve worked through my own habits, I’ve found that it helps to celebrate even the smallest progress. A single moment of saying “no” when you would’ve said “yes” can signal a massive shift in how you view yourself.
If you find these patterns familiar, you’re definitely not alone—and you have every right to start healing and growing.
Each new choice can build your resilience, deepen your relationships, and help you trust yourself a bit more every day.
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