You get what you tolerate — here are 7 signs your standards are way too low

You know that old saying, “We teach people how to treat us”? It sums up the heart of this issue perfectly. 

What we accept from others—and from ourselves—speaks volumes about our self-worth. 

If you’ve ever felt run down, disrespected, or just plain stuck in unsatisfying relationships, work environments, or personal situations, chances are your standards might be lower than you realize.

I’ve been there myself. After years in the corporate world, I found that I was letting certain people and circumstances drain my energy without calling them out.

 The moment I started holding myself—and others—accountable, things changed. 

I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t always easy to raise the bar. But if you don’t push for what you deserve, life will give you whatever it’s used to handing out.

So how do you know if you’re settling? Let’s walk through seven signs that your standards are way too low. 

By the end, you’ll have a solid sense of what to watch for—and, hopefully, the inspiration to turn things around.

1. Not speaking up for your own needs

Ever catch yourself nodding “yes” when your head is screaming “no”? 

Maybe your boss asks you to work late for the third time this week, or your friend “forgets” to pay you back for that borrowed cash and you pretend it’s no big deal.

On the surface, it might seem like you’re just being nice or avoiding conflict. But what’s actually happening is that you’re silencing your needs.

If you constantly let your own boundaries slide to keep the peace or dodge an argument, that’s a bright red flag. 

People who genuinely respect you want to hear what you really think, not what you think they want you to say. 

It took me a long time to learn that my voice matters. Now, whether it’s in business deals or personal relationships, I make sure to speak up. Doesn’t mean I always get my way, but at least I’m not selling myself short.

2. Tolerating disrespectful behavior

Sometimes it’s subtle: a snide remark you brush off, or a promise someone never bothers to keep. 

Other times, it’s more blatant, like public humiliation or name-calling. 

Disrespect comes in many flavors, but the bitter taste is always the same—feeling devalued and small. 

If you let that slide because you believe you have no choice or because you’re non-confrontational, that’s a huge sign your standards need a serious upgrade.

I’m not suggesting you start storming out the moment someone raises their voice. But if you consistently face disrespect without calling it out, you’re essentially telling people they can keep doing it. 

One thing I’ve learned is that the way people treat you often mirrors what you’re willing to accept. 

If you never push back, they’ll assume it’s fine. And if they do it once and get away with it, they’re likely to do it again.

3. Settling for less in your relationships

This goes beyond romantic relationships, though that’s often a big piece of it. It’s also about friendships, business partnerships, even family dynamics. 

If you’re always the one giving and never receiving, or if you sense that the other person’s needs or feelings always eclipse yours, something’s off.

I’ve mentioned this before in a previous post: relationships are supposed to be two-way streets. 

When you’re the only one who cares about fairness, or the only one who shows real effort, you’re settling. 

And if you’re constantly making excuses like, “Well, maybe they had a bad day” or “It’s just how they are,” you’re placing their comfort above your own self-respect. 

If you feel drained rather than uplifted after most interactions, that’s a cue for you to rethink what you’re putting up with.

4. Selling yourself short in your professional life

Ever accept a salary that was way below industry average, or stay in a job that offers no room for growth? 

I’ve been there. Early in my career, I stayed at a company that was notorious for undervaluing employees. 

I told myself it was “good experience” or “a decent stepping stone,” but in reality, I was simply afraid to aim higher. 

As you might know, here at Small Biz Technology, we can’t help but notice how self-worth often bleeds into the professional realm: your confidence in your own value influences not just your salary but also how your clients and peers perceive you.

On top of that, if your work environment is toxic—think disrespectful bosses, unethical practices, or lack of support—and you just swallow it for the sake of a paycheck, you’re telling yourself you don’t deserve better. 

Believe it or not, the global job market is massive. There’s always a chance to find a better fit, even if it means upskilling or moving to a new environment. 

5. Making excuses for other people’s behavior

We’ve all had that friend who constantly shows up late, that co-worker who never meets deadlines, or that significant other who refuses to communicate. 

But if your default setting is to cover for them or rationalize their bad behavior, that’s a sign you’re tolerating way more than you should. 

Sure, everyone has off days. But if it’s a pattern and you’re still saying things like, “They don’t mean it” or “That’s just how they are,” you’re normalizing behavior that shouldn’t be normal.

I once had a business partner who made a habit of missing important meetings. I’d tell myself, “He’s got a lot going on,” or “He must be stuck in traffic.” 

It kept happening to the point that I’d rearrange my whole schedule around him. Looking back, I realized I was basically training him to not take my time seriously. 

If you catch yourself constantly defending someone else’s poor behavior, it’s time to ask why.

6. Ignoring your own gut feelings

Ever find yourself with this nagging sense that something’s wrong—even though, on paper, everything seems “fine”? 

Maybe you feel uneasy around a certain person or dread going into work, but you shrug it off because you can’t pinpoint the exact issue. 

That gut feeling is often your internal compass telling you you’ve veered off-course.

As author Dr. Henry Cloud – author of the book “Boundaries” – emphasizes, listening to those internal signals is critical for protecting your emotional and mental well-being. 

When you start ignoring that inner voice, you’re effectively saying your own intuition doesn’t matter. It’s like handing the steering wheel of your life over to someone else. 

If your instincts keep flashing a warning sign but you stay put because “it’s not that bad,” you’re inviting more trouble later. 

Trust me, that uneasy feeling rarely disappears on its own. It just gets louder or, worse yet, numbs out completely.

7. Constantly downplaying your achievements

Sometimes, it’s not about how others treat you—it’s about how you treat yourself. 

If you’re constantly chalking your successes up to luck, or if you refuse to celebrate your wins because “it wasn’t that big of a deal,” you might be selling yourself short. 

This also shows up when you never aim for the next big challenge because you assume you’re not good enough.

I used to do this a lot, especially when I started Ideapod. Whenever someone praised the platform’s growth, I’d say something like, “Oh, we just got lucky with the timing.” 

In reality, I’d poured my heart into building that business. By brushing off that effort, I was quietly telling myself I didn’t deserve credit. 

Over time, that mindset leaks into how others see you, too. If you’re always discounting yourself, why would anyone else think you’re capable of more?

Final words

Raising your standards isn’t about becoming demanding or arrogant—it’s about respecting yourself enough to stop accepting less. 

If any of these signs made you pause and think, “That sounds like me,” then it’s likely time for an upgrade in what you demand from life.

Let’s be honest: change can be uncomfortable. It might mean having tough conversations, setting boundaries you’ve never set before, or even cutting ties with people who aren’t willing to meet you halfway. 

But the discomfort of shaking things up is always better than the slow burn of settling for less than you deserve.

You get to decide what you’ll allow into your life. And once you raise the bar, you’ll be amazed how quickly people, opportunities, and even your own outlook start to align with those higher standards. 

After all, we really do get what we tolerate—so make sure you’re demanding something worthwhile.

Until next time, keep raising the bar.