8 hard truths about self-love no one talks about

We all think we know what self-love is. It’s all about treating yourself, right?

Taking a day off, indulging in your favorite foods, taking a long, relaxing bath – basically giving yourself the same kindness you’d give to a friend. Sounds simple enough. But let me tell you something that might be a bit hard to swallow – it’s not that straightforward.

You see, self-love isn’t just about pampering yourself or taking it easy. It’s more than just a buzzword for self-indulgence. It’s about facing the mirror and acknowledging who you are, warts and all. It’s about accepting that you are a work in progress, that you aren’t perfect, and that’s okay.

But here’s the real kicker – no one really talks about the tough parts of self-love. We’re so caught up in the Instagram version of self-care that we overlook the less glamorous aspects of truly loving ourselves.

This is why I’m going to share with you 8 hard truths about self-love that often go untold. These truths might be a bit uncomfortable to hear, but they are essential in fostering genuine growth and resilience, both personally and professionally.

I won’t sugarcoat things. These truths might even make you rethink what self-love really means. But trust me, understanding these can put you on the path towards a more balanced, fulfilling life.

Let’s dive right in…

1) Self-love is a journey, not a destination

It’s easy to think of self-love as a checklist, right? Do this, avoid that, repeat these affirmations, and voila! You love yourself. But life isn’t that simple, and neither is self-love. It’s not about reaching a state of perfect self-acceptance.

It’s a journey, my friend.

It’s about waking up every day and making the choice to love yourself – flaws and all. Some days it will be easy, and on others, it will feel like climbing Everest. But remember, self-love isn’t a race. There’s no finish line to cross. You might have days where you stumble or take a few steps back.

That’s okay.

What matters is that you keep moving forward, keep trying to cultivate that positive relationship with yourself. This process of growing and learning to love oneself is exactly what makes self-love so beautiful – and so complex.

2) Self-love isn’t always comfortable

Here’s something most people won’t tell you — self-love can be downright uncomfortable.

It often means facing aspects of yourself that you’ve been avoiding or ignoring. It’s about acknowledging your flaws, your insecurities, your mistakes, and still choosing to love yourself. It’s about not just accepting, but embracing the parts of you that aren’t so pretty.

I remember a time when I had to confront my perfectionist tendencies. It was a part of me that I always justified, thinking it pushed me to do better, to be better. But I realized it was doing more harm than good, causing me sleepless nights, stress, and self-doubt.

Accepting this wasn’t easy – far from it.

It hurt to admit that this trait I prided myself on was actually hindering my happiness. But acknowledging it was the first step towards changing it.

It was a difficult but necessary part of my journey towards self-love. And trust me when I say, it’s worth the discomfort.

3) Self-love is more than just a ‘me’ thing

When we talk about self-love, it’s easy to get caught up in the ‘self’ part of it. But as the great poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou once said, “We can only love others as much as we love ourselves.”

This isn’t about being selfish or narcissistic. It’s about understanding that our relationship with ourselves sets the tone for every other relationship we have. It’s about realizing that how we treat ourselves is often reflected in how we treat others.

Think about it. If you’re constantly beating yourself up, criticizing every move you make, how likely are you to be patient, understanding, and forgiving to others?

Self-love isn’t just a solitary practice – it radiates outwards. It influences our interactions with others, our reactions, and our empathy.

So remember, when you’re working on loving yourself, you’re also indirectly working on your ability to love and be loved by others.

4) Self-love is not equivalent to self-esteem

Here’s a distinction that often gets blurred – self-love and self-esteem are not the same thing.

Self-esteem is about how much you value yourself, or think you’re ‘worth.’ It’s often tied to achievements or comparisons with others. You might feel great about yourself when you ace a test or get a promotion, but what happens when things don’t go your way?

Self-love, on the other hand, isn’t conditional. It’s not about proving your worth or being the best. It’s about accepting and caring for yourself, regardless of your successes or failures.

Research has shown that self-esteem can fluctuate, while self-compassion – a key component of self-love – tends to be more stable over time. This is because self-love is rooted in acceptance and kindness towards oneself, not evaluation or judgment.

Don’t confuse the two. High self-esteem is great, but it’s not a substitute for self-love. Self-love should be constant, unwavering – a steady foundation upon which you can build your life.

5) Self-love requires setting boundaries

When you love someone, you want to do everything you can for them, right? But when it comes to self-love, that ‘someone’ is you.

And sometimes, loving yourself means saying no – to people, commitments, or situations that drain you or don’t serve your wellbeing. It means setting boundaries and prioritizing your needs and wants.

It’s not always easy.

You might feel guilty or selfish. You might worry about disappointing others. But here’s the thing – setting boundaries is a form of self-care and an essential aspect of self-love.

It’s about respecting yourself enough to express your needs and stand by them. It’s about understanding that it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes. And most importantly, it’s about realizing that those who truly care about you will respect these boundaries.

In the end, setting healthy boundaries allows you to nurture your own wellbeing while maintaining balanced relationships with others – a true testament to self-love in action.

6) Self-love doesn’t mean you’re always happy

There’s a common misconception out there that self-love equals perpetual happiness. That if you truly love yourself, you’ll always be in a state of bliss, free from pain or distress.

But let’s be real here.

Self-love is not about denying or suppressing your negative emotions. It’s not about pretending everything is perfect when it’s not. It doesn’t mean you’re immune to feelings of sadness, fear, anger, or frustration.

On the contrary, self-love means allowing yourself to feel these emotions and acknowledging them without judgment. It’s about giving yourself permission to be human-to feel, to hurt, to heal.

It’s in these moments of vulnerability that self-love becomes even more crucial. It’s about comforting yourself during these times, being your own best friend when you need it the most.

Remember, it’s okay not to be okay sometimes – that doesn’t make you any less deserving of your own love and care.

7) Self-love is a constant practice

One of the hardest truths about self-love is that it’s not a one-time thing. It’s not something you achieve and then forget about.

It’s a constant practice.

Just like maintaining physical health requires daily effort – eating well, exercising, sleeping enough – maintaining emotional health and self-love requires daily attention too.

It means regularly checking in with yourself, being mindful of your thoughts and feelings. It means continually challenging negative self-talk and replacing it with kinder, gentler words. It means making time for self-care activities, whatever they may be for you.

And remember, every day won’t be perfect. Some days, loving yourself might feel like the hardest thing in the world. But on those days, remind yourself that it’s okay. That you’re doing your best.

Because that’s what self-love is all about – showing up for yourself, every single day.

8) Self-love is entirely personal

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, self-love is not one-size-fits-all.

What works for me might not work for you. What feels like self-love to your friend might feel like self-sacrifice to you. And that’s okay.

Self-love is a highly personal journey.

It’s about understanding what you need, what makes you happy, and what helps you grow. It’s about finding your own rhythm, your own balance. It’s about discovering what self-love looks like for you – and giving yourself permission to pursue it.

Maybe it’s meditation or journaling. Maybe it’s setting aside time each day to do something you love. Or maybe it’s simply giving yourself permission to rest when you’re tired.

Your version of self-love doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. And it certainly doesn’t have to meet anyone else’s standards or expectations.

At the end of the day, the only person who can define what self-love means to you – is you.

Embracing the journey

There you have it – the hard truths about self-love that often go unsaid.

These truths might feel uncomfortable, even confronting. But they are crucial for genuine personal growth.

Self-love is a journey, not a destination. It’s a constant practice, filled with ups and downs, triumphs and setbacks. It’s about setting boundaries, allowing yourself to feel, and above all, being patient with yourself.

As you move forward on this path, you might stumble. You might have days where self-love feels like the hardest thing in the world. But remember – you’re not alone in this journey.

Take each day as it comes. Celebrate your small victories. Forgive yourself when you falter. And most importantly, keep showing up for yourself, every single day.

At the end of the day, self-love is about embracing who you truly are – flaws and all – instead of who you think you should be.

And that is a journey worth taking.

Here’s to embracing our imperfections, setting our boundaries, and learning to love ourselves deeply and unconditionally. Here’s to our journey.