Sometimes, it feels like everyone else is crushing it in ways we can only dream of.
A friend lands their dream job, your neighbor sells their startup for millions, and your old classmate is making waves on social media. Meanwhile, you’re stuck wondering if you missed the memo on how to become an overnight success.
But here’s something I’ve discovered: those stories we see and hear are almost never the full picture. We’re bombarded by highlight reels that can distort our sense of where we “should” be.
When you’re feeling like you’re miles behind, it can help to pause, breathe, and remind yourself of a few truths that keep things in perspective.
I’ve been there myself—running companies in my twenties, then switching gears to become a writer. Each path I’ve taken has had more roadblocks than any Instagram feed would lead you to believe.
From those experiences (and the many books, people, and experts I’ve learned from), here are eight things worth remembering.
1. Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to other people’s highlight reels
If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say, “Look at them; they’re already a VP,” or “They just launched an app, and it’s a huge success,” I’d probably never have to work again. The thing is, we only see what people choose to show us.
Think about your own life. You’re aware of every ounce of sweat, every uncomfortable failure, and every private struggle that’s gone into whatever you’ve accomplished so far. But no one else sees all that—just like you don’t see the hiccups and heartbreak behind someone else’s apparent triumph.
Jordan Peterson has noted, “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.” That simple principle can be a game-changer. It’s not about ignoring other people’s achievements; it’s about keeping your eyes on your own paper so you don’t get derailed by illusions.
2. Understand that success is personal
Success is not some cookie-cutter phenomenon. Sure, society might glorify that eight-figure exit or the glamorous influencer lifestyle, but is that truly your definition of success?
I used to think that building a tech startup was the ultimate measure of accomplishment—until I realized how deeply I valued day-to-day freedom and creativity. Running a startup was thrilling, but writing and helping others develop their potential turned out to be what lit me up most.
We’re all wired differently. As Greg McKeown has noted, “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.” Let that sink in.
You might discover that what you really value is flexibility, family time, or building a small but meaningful business around something you care about. There’s no wrong answer—unless you’re chasing a “success” that doesn’t align with who you really are.
3. Ask yourself what truly matters
Ever find yourself envious of that friend who’s raking in massive revenue each month or the influencer who seems to have endless free vacations? Before you let envy eat at you, ask: Would you actually trade places with them?
I had a friend who wanted to mimic a high-earning entrepreneur’s schedule. Then he realized that entrepreneur was working 80-hour weeks and sacrificing personal time. My buddy decided that wasn’t the life he wanted. So yes, that guy’s business soared, but my friend’s days are less chaotic, and he’s happier for it.
It’s easy to chase someone else’s dreams, especially when success is constantly on display. But if your day-to-day life feels draining, maybe you’re aiming for a version of success that’s not right for you.
4. Remember the power of small wins
I’ve mentioned this before, but small wins can have an incredible compound effect on your life and work. Not every accomplishment has to be jaw-dropping or newsworthy. Sometimes, it’s just about improving on what you did yesterday.
James Clear put it well: “You do not rise to the level of your goals; you fall to the level of your systems.” If you build small, consistent habits—tweaking your marketing strategy each week, or steadily adding a new product feature—those modest steps add up over time.
Small wins also build confidence, which boosts motivation. When you feel like you’re on a losing streak, celebrating a single forward step can remind you that you’re still in the game—and actually making progress.
5. Don’t downplay your progress
I used to shrug off my own milestones. Whenever someone congratulated me on something, I’d brush it aside like it wasn’t a big deal. Then I realized I was undermining my own sense of accomplishment.
It’s tempting to compare your hustle to the next person’s highlight reel and think, “I’m not doing enough.” But if you’ve done something that took real effort—even if it’s not as flashy as your neighbor’s success—acknowledge it.
According to a study by the American Psychological Association, reinforcing positive achievements (even small ones) can significantly increase resilience and long-term motivation. In other words, noticing and appreciating how far you’ve come actually makes you more likely to go further.
Sometimes, I’ll even do a quick “progress recap” at the end of the week: maybe I learned a new skill or wrote a draft I’m proud of. It seems minor, but it reminds me not to discount the steps I’ve already taken.
6. Reframe setbacks as lessons
The road to “making it” is notoriously bumpy. When someone looks like they’re winning at everything, there’s a decent chance they’re simply good at rolling with the punches.
I remember going through a painful product launch failure in one of my startups. At the time, it felt like a personal defeat. But in hindsight, that experience became a goldmine of lessons on marketing, communication, and timing. If I hadn’t lived through that fiasco, I wouldn’t have sharpened those skills.
Tim Ferriss once said, “Focus on being productive instead of busy.” I’d add that you can’t be truly productive until you learn from your low points.
Each stumble is feedback—telling you which parts of your strategy need a tweak, or maybe a total overhaul. It’s never fun to stumble, but it’s infinitely more productive to see those stumbles as stepping stones rather than permanent barriers.
7. Seek genuine connections
One of the most powerful antidotes to feeling inadequate is getting into real conversations with people you admire.
Yeah, you might see them as unstoppable success stories, but talking to them often reveals the messy reality behind the scenes. Mentors, friends, or colleagues can share insights that social media soundbites never will.
Sometimes, an honest chat with someone who’s “made it” will show you the real trade-offs they faced—family time, mental health, or heartbreak they don’t post about on LinkedIn.
Understanding their journey in depth can both humanize them and give you actionable advice. Plus, it helps you see that we’re all navigating ups and downs, no matter how shiny our success might look.
8. Prioritize real growth over quick wins
We live in a culture that glorifies instant success—viral videos, lightning-fast app downloads, or massive fundraises. It’s easy to fall into the trap of measuring your worth by how quickly you achieve big results. But overnight success stories usually have a backstory filled with years of invisible effort.
As Simon Sinek has said, “Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress; working hard for something we love is called passion.”
Real growth takes time and passion. It involves finding your niche, honing your craft, and maintaining a sense of direction even when nothing is “going viral” or generating immediate praise.
When you chase real growth, you’re less likely to get whiplash if a quick win doesn’t materialize. And if that quick win does come, you’ll be better equipped to handle it and sustain it over the long haul. It’s not about speed; it’s about building a strong foundation that can weather the inevitable ups and downs.
Wrapping up
But it’s still a big deal, isn’t it? Feeling like you’re lagging behind can wreak havoc on your motivation, your self-esteem, and your overall outlook. It’s a real, sometimes draining emotion that many of us face.
Yet, when you remind yourself that success is multifaceted, personal, and rarely what it appears to be on the surface, you start to reclaim power over your own path. Don’t forget: you are allowed to celebrate your wins, big or small. You can choose to learn from every stumble instead of letting it define you.
And most importantly, you can keep your focus on what truly matters to you. If you can keep those things front and center, then it won’t matter if someone next to you is building an empire overnight. You’ll be too busy building the life that resonates with your own vision of success.
Until next time, friends
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