Navigating relationships can be tough, especially when you’re dealing with a narcissist.
According to psychology, narcissists have a knack for keeping you on your toes, desperate for their approval.
You might not even realize they’re doing it – that’s how subtle these tactics can be.
In this article, we’re going to shed some light on the matter. We’ve zeroed in on seven tiny things narcissists will do to keep you craving their approval.
Understanding these tactics won’t just help you navigate personal relationships, but will also equip you to deal with similar dynamics in your entrepreneurial journey.
By the end of this, you’ll be better prepared to spot these behaviors and, more importantly, know how to handle them.
Let’s dive in!
1) The approval game
Navigating relationships with narcissists can sometimes feel like walking through a minefield.
The slightest misstep, and you’re left picking up the pieces.
One of the first things they do is to get you hooked on their approval.
It’s like a game to them – they dangle it just out of reach, making you work harder and harder to attain it.
Renowned psychologist Dr. Carl Jung once said, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”
Narcissists exploit this fear by making you feel incomplete without their approval. You start to doubt your worth, and that’s when they’ve got you.
Understanding this tactic is key to breaking free from their control.
Remember, your self-worth is not dependent on anyone else’s opinion of you.
It’s something inherent and unchangeable, no matter how much a narcissist might try to convince you otherwise.
2) The blame game
Let me share a personal experience. I once had a friend who was a master at the blame game.
No matter what went wrong, it was never her fault. And, somehow, I always ended up feeling guilty, even for things that were clearly out of my control.
This is a classic narcissist tactic. They shift the blame onto others, leaving you feeling responsible for their emotions and actions.
It’s a way to keep you off-balance, always striving to make things right and gain their approval.
Famous psychologist Sigmund Freud once said, “He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret.”
It took me some time, but I finally saw through her games and understood that I was not the problem.
Remember, it’s not your responsibility to bear the weight of a narcissist’s faults.
Recognize this tactic when it’s used, and take steps to protect your emotional wellbeing.
3) The cycle of highs and lows
Ever been on a roller coaster? That’s what being in a relationship with a narcissist can feel like.
One moment, they’re showering you with love and attention, the next, they’re cold and indifferent.
It’s this cycle of highs and lows that keeps you hooked. The highs feel so good, so intoxicating, that you keep enduring the lows in the hope of experiencing them again.
A narcissist knows this and uses it to their advantage. They condition you to associate their approval with feelings of joy and their disapproval with despair.
But here’s the raw, honest truth: it’s a game they’re playing at your expense.
Recognizing this cycle is the first step towards breaking free and regaining control over your emotions and self-worth.
4) The illusion of indispensability
Narcissists can be incredibly charismatic and charming when they want to be. They’ll make you feel special, like you’re the only one who truly understands them.
Before you know it, they’ve become a central figure in your life, seemingly indispensable.
A study found that individuals who felt unique in their social circles were more likely to stay in relationships, even unhealthy ones.
Narcissists exploit this by making you feel like you’re their ‘one and only’, keeping you tethered to them.
However, it’s crucial to understand that this is a carefully constructed illusion. You are not responsible for their happiness or wellbeing – only they are.
Recognizing this can help you reclaim your independence and prioritize your own emotional health.
5) The silent treatment
I’ll never forget the first time I was subjected to the silent treatment. It was baffling and deeply unsettling.
I didn’t know why it was happening, only that I’d do anything to make it stop.
Narcissists use the silent treatment as a form of emotional manipulation. It’s a way to punish you without outright aggression. You’re left feeling anxious, desperate for their approval once again.
Psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own.” It’s a powerful reminder that we can’t control others’ actions, only our reactions.
When faced with the silent treatment, remember this isn’t about you, but about their need for control. You are not at fault, and you don’t need to fix anything to regain their approval. All you need is patience and self-compassion.
6) The art of gaslighting
Here’s something you might not expect: narcissists can make you question your own sanity.
It’s a manipulation tactic known as gaslighting, where they deny your experiences or twist the truth, making you doubt your own perceptions.
It’s a counterintuitive concept—after all, who knows your experiences better than you?
Yet, when faced with constant denial and manipulation, even the sanest person can start to question their reality.
Renowned psychologist Rollo May said, “The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it is conformity.”
This quote resonates deeply when faced with gaslighting.
It takes courage to trust your own experiences and not conform to the manipulated reality a narcissist presents.
Recognizing gaslighting when it happens is crucial. Stand firm in your truth and don’t allow anyone to distort your perception of reality.
7) The subtle put-downs
And finally, narcissists are masters of the subtle put-down.
They have a way of belittling you without you even realizing it’s happening. They disguise their criticism as ‘jokes’ or ‘advice’, leaving you feeling small and inadequate.
As psychologist William James once said, “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”
When faced with these put-downs, remember that their words reflect them, not you.
Choose to believe in your worth and don’t let their negative comments undermine your self-confidence.
Final reflections
The dance of human interactions and relationships can be a complex and intricate ballet, especially when choreographed by a narcissist.
It’s a dance that can leave you feeling off-balance, always striving for approval that seems just out of reach.
In understanding these seven tactics that narcissists deploy, we hope to equip you with the knowledge to recognize them when they occur.
It’s not about demonizing the narcissist, but about empowering you.
The ability to see these tactics for what they are is the first step towards reclaiming your emotional health and independence.
Remember, you are not defined by a narcissist’s approval or disapproval of you.
It’s your life, your dance.
And knowing these steps can help you choose how, and with whom, you want to share it.
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