As a parent and an entrepreneur, I’m often juggling between leadership in business and at home.
We’re constantly communicating, sometimes without even realizing the impact of our words.
Subtle phrases we use with our children can unknowingly trigger fear instead of fostering love.
It’s not about intentional manipulation, but rather an unintentional influence that might be steering them towards anxiety.
The aim is not to make you feel guilty, but to help you become more aware and thus foster a healthier, more loving relationship with your kids.
After all, as we improve our communication at home, we can also learn to better communicate in our businesses too.
1) “Because I said so”
This is a phrase most of us parents have probably used at some point.
It’s quick, it’s easy, and it establishes authority. But let’s take a moment to consider its impact on our children.
“Because I said so” may seem like a harmless phrase, but it subtly fosters fear.
It implies that questioning or challenging authority is not acceptable. That their thoughts, opinions, or feelings do not matter when it comes to making decisions.
Now, this doesn’t mean that children should be allowed to dictate all rules.
There’s a balance to be struck between giving them autonomy and maintaining parental guidance.
However, instead of shutting down the conversation with this phrase, consider explaining your reasoning.
This encourages understanding and open communication, which can also translate to better interactions in your business dealings.
We’re not just raising children; we’re nurturing future adults who need to understand the ‘why’ behind decisions, not just the ‘what’.
2) “Don’t be such a baby”
I remember uttering this phrase to my youngest when he was having a meltdown over a lost toy.
I thought it would toughen him up, make him more resilient. But as I watched his face crumple even further, I realized the damage those words could potentially do.
Labeling emotions as ‘babyish’ subtly tells our children that feeling upset or expressing disappointment is a sign of weakness.
Instead of encouraging emotional resilience, it might make them afraid to show their real feelings.
Instead, we should be teaching them that it’s perfectly okay to feel their emotions and express them in a healthy way.
I found that when I started acknowledging my son’s feelings – “I can see you’re really upset about losing your toy” – he became calmer and more open to discussing solutions.
In our businesses, we strive for clear, empathetic communication. Let’s practice the same with our children.
3) “I’m disappointed in you”
This phrase is a classic. We’ve all heard it, and many of us have probably said it. But what’s the real impact of these words on our children?
When we express disappointment in our children, we subtly send them a message that their worth is tied to their behavior.
This can breed fear of failure and a constant need for approval.
Interestingly, research has shown that children who are constantly seeking external validation grow up to be adults who struggle with self-esteem and have higher rates of depression.
Rather than expressing disappointment, try focusing on the behavior or action that upset you, while reinforcing your love for them.
This helps children understand that while they may make mistakes, they are still loved and valued.
4) “Wait till your father/mother gets home”
This phrase is often used as a threat, hinting at a looming punishment when the other parent returns.
It might seem like a harmless way to get children to behave, but it can inadvertently instill fear.
Instead of encouraging respect for the absent parent’s authority, it can create a sense of dread and anxiety around their return.
It also places the burden of discipline solely on one parent, which can lead to an imbalance in the parenting dynamic.
Instead, consider addressing the issue at hand immediately, reinforcing the rules and consequences yourself.
This not only promotes a balanced parenting approach but also ensures that your children view both parents as equally loving and authoritative figures.
5) “You’re just like your [parent/person]”
I found myself saying this to my daughter during a heated argument, comparing her to a relative known for their stubbornness. At the moment, it seemed like an innocent observation.
But later, I began to question the impact of my words.
Comparing children to others can unknowingly sow seeds of fear and insecurity.
They might feel they’re living in someone else’s shadow, or that they have to change themselves to earn our approval.
After that incident, I made a conscious effort to appreciate and acknowledge my daughter’s unique qualities.
I realized that by embracing her individuality, I was fostering her self-esteem and encouraging her to be her own person.
6) “I’m too busy right now”
As an entrepreneur, balancing work and family life can be challenging. And sometimes, we might find ourselves using this phrase more often than we’d like.
While it’s important to set boundaries, repeatedly telling our children that we’re too busy for them can create a sense of fear and uncertainty.
Children might start to feel that they’re less important than our work, or worry that they are a burden.
This can lead to feelings of insecurity and a fear of rejection.
Instead of simply stating that you’re too busy, try to communicate the situation more effectively.
You could say something like, “I have to finish this task, but I’ll be free in half an hour. Can we talk then?”
This reassures your child that they are important to you and that their concerns will be addressed.
7) “If you really loved me, you’d…”
This phrase can be incredibly damaging. It manipulates love into a tool for getting what we want, making children fear that they might lose our love if they don’t comply.
The most important thing to understand is that love should never be conditional, especially when it comes to our children.
They should feel secure in our love for them, regardless of their actions or decisions.
Instead of using love as a bargaining chip, express your needs or expectations directly.
This promotes open communication and ensures that your child feels loved unconditionally.
Words hold power
The power of words cannot be underestimated, particularly when they’re spoken by parents to their children.
Our words shape their world, their self-esteem, and their understanding of love.
Renowned child psychologist Haim Ginott once said, “Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.”
This quote resonates deeply as we reflect on our role as parents and the impact of our words.
The phrases we’ve discussed may seem insignificant, but they can unknowingly instill fear instead of love in our children.
By becoming more aware of how we communicate, we can foster healthier relationships with our kids, and in turn, learn to communicate more effectively in all areas of our lives.
Let’s remember that our children are not just smaller versions of us. They’re unique individuals who deserve to be loved and respected for who they are.
And the words we choose play a significant role in conveying this love and respect to them.
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