7 signs you’re trying to build a future with the wrong person, according to psychology

My grandmother used to impart some sage advice, “Always choose the right people to surround yourself with.”

You see, the people we choose to build our future with, whether it’s business partners, employees, or life partners, can significantly influence our overall happiness, success, and well-being.

This isn’t just some age-old wisdom; there’s solid psychological research supporting it.

Sometimes we overlook certain red flags that suggest we may be trying to build a future with the wrong person. You might be thinking, “What are these signs?” or “How do I know if I’m heading down the wrong path?”

Well, you’re in the right place.

In this article, we’ll delve into the seven telltale signs that you could be tying your future to someone who might not be the best fit for you – all backed by psychology. While it’s never easy to face these truths, recognizing these signs early on could save you a lot of time, energy, and potentially heartache down the line.

Let’s uncover these signs together, shall we?

1) Lack of mutual respect

Respect is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, be it personal or professional.

Now, we all have our differences. Different thoughts, opinions, and ways of doing things. That’s just part of being human.

But here’s the deal.

If you notice that the person you’re trying to build a future with consistently dismisses your ideas or undermines your feelings, it’s a red flag. This lack of respect can hinder growth, create resentment, and even lead to conflict down the road.

Psychological research affirms this. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that respect plays a pivotal role in relationship satisfaction.

So, ask yourself: “Is my voice being heard? Am I being valued?” If not, you might be working towards a future with the wrong person. Mutual respect isn’t just about valuing each other’s opinions but also about appreciating each other’s individuality and contributions to the shared vision.

In essence, to build a prosperous future, you need to be with someone who respects you as much as you respect them.

2) Absence of common goals

A few years back, I was trying to build a future with someone—let’s call him Alex. Alex was great, and we got along really well. But as time went on, I noticed something.

We didn’t share the same vision for the future.

I wanted to create a business that would make a difference in the world, while Alex was content with a 9-to-5 job and had no entrepreneurial aspirations. There was nothing wrong with either of our dreams; they were just different.

And that’s when it hit me.

Without a shared vision or common goals, we were just two people moving in different directions. The relationship wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t going to help either of us get where we wanted to be.

So, take a moment to reflect on your relationship with the person you’re trying to build a future with.

Do you share common goals? Are you both working towards the same vision? If not, it might be time to reconsider whether this person is the right one to build your future with.

3) Communication breakdown

Let’s get real for a moment.

Communication is hard. It requires vulnerability, openness, and a whole lot of patience. But when communication breaks down, it’s like trying to navigate through a thick fog—you’re not really sure where you’re going or what obstacles lie ahead.

I’ve been there too.

In the past, I’ve found myself in situations where I was unable to express my feelings or concerns openly. It was like hitting an invisible wall every time I tried to have a meaningful conversation. It led to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and a whole lot of unnecessary stress.

Here’s what psychology has to say about this.

According to numerous studies, healthy communication is a key pillar of successful relationships—both personal and professional.

When communication breaks down, it often leads to increased conflict, decreased satisfaction, and can even be a predictor of relationship failure.

If you find that you’re constantly struggling to get your message across or that your words are falling on deaf ears, it’s time for some serious introspection. Is this the person you want to build your future with? If the answer is no, it’s okay.

4) Feeling drained instead of energized

Imagine this scenario.

Every time you interact with this person, you leave feeling drained, emotionally exhausted, or stressed. You might even notice a shift in your mood or a decline in your motivation and productivity after spending time with them.

Sound familiar?

The truth is, the people we choose to build our future with should energize us, not drain us. They should inspire us to be our best selves and motivate us to achieve our goals.

Psychology supports this idea. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, relationships that are more emotionally rewarding and less stressful contribute to better mental health and overall well-being.

So, take a moment to reflect on how you feel after interacting with the person you’re building your future with. Do they lift you up or pull you down? If it’s the latter, it might be a sign that they’re not the right person for your future.

5) Lack of trust

Trust is like the glue that holds relationships together.

It allows us to feel safe, to be vulnerable, and to believe in the other person’s intentions. But what happens when that trust is missing?

Trust is one of the most important predictors of relationship satisfaction. Without it, doubt and insecurity can creep in, causing potential damage to the relationship’s foundation.

Picture a castle built on sand. No matter how beautiful or grand it appears, without a solid foundation, it’s likely to crumble at the first sign of trouble.

And if you find yourself questioning the person’s honesty or constantly doubting their intentions, it’s worth reconsidering if this is the right person to build your future with.

Trust isn’t just about believing what they say; it’s also about knowing they have your best interests at heart.

6) You’re not feeling valued

We all want to feel appreciated and valued, don’t we?

It’s a basic human need—to know that our presence matters, that our contributions are recognized, and that we are cherished for who we are.

But sometimes, in our relationships, we might feel overlooked or taken for granted. We might feel like we’re always giving and not receiving much in return.

If this sounds like your situation, I want you to remember something.

You deserve to be with someone who sees your worth and makes you feel valued every single day. It’s not about grand gestures or extravagant gifts. It’s about simple acts of kindness, words of affirmation, and genuine respect for your feelings and needs.

When you’re feeling undervalued, it could be a sign that you’re trying to build a future with the wrong person. Your worth is not negotiable, and you deserve someone who recognizes that.

7) The relationship hinders your personal growth

Personal growth is a lifelong journey.

We continuously evolve, learn new things, and strive to become better versions of ourselves. The person you choose to build your future with should support this journey, not hinder it.

If you find yourself in a place where you’re sacrificing your personal growth or compromising your values for the sake of the relationship, it’s a significant red flag.

In other words, the right person will encourage you to grow and will grow with you.

So, if you’re sacrificing your personal development or feeling stifled in your relationship, it’s a clear sign that this might not be the right person to build your future with.

Remember, a relationship should be a partnership that encourages mutual growth and shared success.

Final thoughts

If you find yourself relating to these signs, it’s crucial to remember that you have the power to steer your life in a different direction. You have the strength within you to make choices that align with your values and aspirations.

Perhaps American psychologist Carl Rogers said it best: “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”

Take this knowledge and reflect. Reflect on what you truly want from your relationships and how they align with your future goals.

It’s never too late to make changes that lead you towards a healthier, happier future. After all, you’re building this future for you.