There’s a clear line between being just nice and being genuinely decent. The distinction, quite simply, lies in the depth of your character.
Being a truly decent person isn’t about putting on a show or trying to impress others. It’s about the innate qualities that shine through when no one is watching.
Psychology has some great insights into what constitutes genuine decency.
And, interestingly, these traits are also ones that can make you a more effective leader, a better collaborator, and a more understanding employer or teammate.
Let’s uncover the subtle indicators that show the world – and yourself – the depth of your character.
1) Empathy reigns supreme
One of the hallmarks of a truly decent person is their capacity for empathy.
Empathy is not just about understanding someone else’s perspective. It’s about genuinely feeling alongside them, sharing in their joys and their sorrows.
It’s easy to talk about empathy, but true empathy is felt, not just voiced.
It’s about being present with someone in their moment of need, and it’s a trait that psychology has long recognised as a key sign of decency.
As renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgement on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”
And that’s what empathy is all about. It’s not about ‘fixing’ someone else’s problems – it’s about acknowledging them and offering support.
You’ll often find that a genuinely decent person doesn’t shy away from difficult conversations.
They’re right there with you, offering a listening ear and an understanding heart.
And that’s a trait that not only makes you decent but also makes you a strong collaborator and leader. Because at the end of the day, people want to feel heard and understood.
2) Honesty is a non-negotiable
A second sign of a truly decent person, according to psychology, is honesty. Now, I’ll have to admit, this one hits close to home for me.
I remember a time when I had made a significant error on a project at work.
It was one of those mistakes that could easily be swept under the rug without anyone noticing. Yet, I was faced with the decision to either cover it up or own up to it.
I chose the latter. Not because it was easy, but because honesty is a core part of who I am.
I believe that honesty builds trust and fosters healthy relationships, both in personal life and at work.
Renowned psychologist Jordan Peterson often discusses the importance of truth in his writings.
One quote of his stands out: “Honesty is not just a matter of not lying. It is also a matter of living in a way that’s genuine and authentic to you.”
Being honest doesn’t mean you’re perfect; it means you’re real. And being real, in my book, is what being decent is all about.
3) Authenticity shines through
Do you ever feel like you’re wearing a mask in certain situations?
Trying to fit a mold or meet expectations that just don’t align with who you are? This can be exhausting and it’s not a trait of someone who’s genuinely decent.
Psychology tells us that authenticity is a clear sign of a truly decent person.
Authentic people are true to themselves, their values, and their beliefs, even when it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient.
They don’t adjust their personality to suit the crowd they’re with. They’re the same person in all situations – raw, honest, and real.
Psychologist and author Brené Brown speaks about authenticity saying, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”
Embracing your true self, with all its flaws and imperfections, can be scary.
But it’s also liberating. And it’s a clear sign that you’re a truly decent person.
4) Reliability is second nature
Being reliable is another sign that you’re a decent person.
Whether it’s showing up on time, meeting deadlines, or simply keeping your word, reliability is a trait that’s highly valued in both personal and professional relationships.
People who are consistently reliable are seen as more trustworthy and are more likely to be given responsibilities and opportunities.
The study also suggested that reliability is a trait that can be developed over time.
It’s not about being perfect, but about making a conscious effort to follow through on your commitments.
If you’re someone who takes their commitments seriously and strives to be dependable, you’re demonstrating one of the key signs of being a truly decent person.
5) Respect for all is a given
A fundamental sign of a truly decent person is their respect for others.
Regardless of the differences in opinions, backgrounds or personal choices, a decent person treats everyone with the same level of respect.
I’ve always firmly believed that every person has a story worth listening to. Every individual, no matter their status or background, deserves respect.
This belief has guided me through various interactions and relationships in my life.
Noted psychologist Albert Bandura emphasized this when he said, “People not only gain understanding through reflection, they evaluate and alter their own thinking.”
Respecting others means acknowledging their right to their own thoughts and experiences.
It’s about listening, understanding, and valuing the perspectives of others – a true mark of decency.
6) Strength in vulnerability
It might sound counterintuitive, but vulnerability is actually a sign of a truly decent person.
Being vulnerable means you’re open about your feelings and experiences, even when they’re not positive. It shows a level of honesty and authenticity that’s rare and valuable.
Vulnerability is not about weakness but about courage. It’s the courage to show up, to be seen, and to live authentically.
Brené Brown, a renowned psychologist and research professor, has spoken extensively about the power of vulnerability.
She says, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”
So if you’re someone who’s not afraid to show your true self, warts and all, you’re demonstrating one of the key signs of being truly decent.
7) Kindness is key
The final sign of a truly decent person is kindness. It’s as simple as that.
Genuine, heartfelt kindness towards others is a clear indicator of decency.
As psychologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wisely said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
True decency is choosing kindness, even when it’s not the easiest response.
It’s that simple act of choosing kindness that truly makes you a decent person.
Final thoughts
Reflecting on these signs, it’s clear that being a truly decent person is about more than just surface-level niceties.
It’s about depth, authenticity, and a genuine respect for others.
These traits aren’t about impressing others or checking boxes. They’re about living in a way that aligns with your core values, even when no one is watching.
Being honest with yourself and others, showing empathy, being reliable – these are all signs of a truly decent person. But perhaps the most important sign is kindness.
Choosing to be kind, even in challenging situations, is what truly defines decency.
Whether you identify with all of these traits or just a few, remember that being a decent person is a journey, not a destination.
It’s about striving to be better each day. And in the end, that’s what really matters.
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