If someone keeps changing the subject in a heated argument, you know they’re losing. If they resort to personal attacks, you know they’re desperate.
Communication 101, right?
But what happens when you’re dealing with a narcissist? Suddenly, the rule book flies out the window and you’re left trying to decipher the hidden meanings behind their words.
Spotting these telltale signs can be tricky. However, those of us who have mastered it often notice certain phrases popping up.
Equip yourself with this knowledge and not only will you be able to spot a losing narcissist, but you’ll also be taking the first step towards building a more resilient self.
1) “You’re overreacting”
Now, we all know arguments can get heated, and emotions can go haywire.
But have you ever noticed how a narcissist will try to turn the tables when they’re losing? Suddenly, it’s not about the argument or the issue at hand. It’s about your reaction to it.
“You’re overreacting,” they’ll say. As if your emotions and reactions are the problem, not their actions or words.
This is a classic deflection tactic, aimed at shifting focus away from their losing argument.
It’s a sneaky move, but once you know what to look for, it becomes a clear sign that they’re on the back foot.
Next time you hear this phrase, remember – it’s not about your reactions. It’s about their inability to concede defeat.
2) “I never said that”
Ah, the good old “I never said that” line. This one hits a little close to home for me.
I had a business partner once, let’s call him John. We had our fair share of disagreements, but there was one incident that stands out.
We were in a meeting discussing our next marketing strategy when John suggested something that I honestly believed would not work.
So, I voiced my concerns and backed them up with evidence from past experiences and market research. It was clear he was losing the argument.
Suddenly, he looked at me with a straight face and said, “I never said that.”
I was taken aback. We’d been in the same room, in the same conversation. But there he was, denying his own words to avoid admitting he was wrong.
This phrase is a common narcissistic tactic aimed at gaslighting you into doubting your own memory or perception.
It’s a clear sign that they’re losing, but won’t openly admit defeat.
3) “Everyone agrees with me”
Narcissists thrive on validation. They need to feel superior, and one way they do this is by claiming that everyone else shares their viewpoint.
“Everyone agrees with me,” they’ll insist, even when it’s clear that isn’t the case. Often, this is just a bluffing strategy, aimed at making you second guess your own stance.
Interestingly, a study found that people who overestimate their popularity are more likely to be narcissistic.
Next time a narcissist pulls this phrase out of their argument arsenal, remember – it’s not about the crowd’s opinion. It’s about their unwillingness to accept they might be wrong.
4) “You just don’t get it”
Ever been in an argument where no matter how logical your points are, the other person just dismisses them with a wave of their hand and a dismissive “you just don’t get it”?
Welcome to dealing with a narcissist on the losing end.
This phrase is a classic example of a narcissist’s need to feel superior. In their mind, if you don’t agree with them, it’s not because their argument is weak.
It’s because you simply aren’t capable of understanding their ‘brilliant’ points.
So, when you hear this phrase, don’t let it get under your skin. It’s just another sign that they’re losing ground in the argument but aren’t ready to admit it.
5) “You’re just trying to cause trouble”
When I come across a narcissist who’s cornered in an argument, I’ve noticed they often resort to playing the victim.
One of their go-to phrases is “you’re just trying to cause trouble.”
Suddenly, I’m not someone raising valid points or concerns. Instead, I’m painted as a troublemaker, stirring the pot for no reason.
It’s a clever tactic that allows them to dodge the issue at hand and instead, put me on the defensive.
Whenever I hear this phrase, I remind myself that it’s not about me causing trouble. It’s about them trying to avoid admitting they’re wrong.
6) “I’m just being honest”
It might seem like a good thing when someone says, “I’m just being honest.” After all, honesty is a virtue, right? But in the hands of a narcissist losing an argument, it’s anything but.
This phrase is often used as an excuse to hurl insults, belittle your points, or just plain be rude.
They disguise their clash of ego as a noble pursuit of truth and honesty, making it harder for you to call out their behavior.
Next time you hear a narcissist use this phrase during an argument, remember – it’s not about honesty.
It’s about them trying to regain control of the conversation.
7) “It’s just a joke”
Humor can be a great tool for defusing tension.
But when a narcissist says, “It’s just a joke,” in the middle of a heated argument, it’s usually anything but funny.
They use this phrase to belittle your points, make light of your concerns, and deflect from the fact that they’re losing the argument.
It’s a way for them to make you seem overly sensitive and serious while they get away with avoiding the issue at hand.
When a narcissist tries to pass off their insults or dismissals as a joke, remember – it’s not about humor. It’s about their inability to take responsibility for their words and actions.
8) “I’m done talking about this”
Perhaps the most telling phrase a narcissist will use when they’re losing an argument is, “I’m done talking about this.” It’s their final attempt to regain control by abruptly ending the discussion.
They use this phrase to shut down the conversation, often leaving you feeling unresolved and unheard.
It’s a clear sign that they’ve lost the argument, but rather than admit defeat, they’d prefer to walk away.
Remember – it’s not about them being done with the conversation. It’s about them refusing to confront their own fallibility.
Closing thoughts
If you’ve come this far, you probably now realize that dealing with a narcissist isn’t a walk in the park.
These phrases aren’t just words. They are defensive walls built by those who fear being wrong, who fear losing an argument.
They stem not from confidence, but from an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a deep-seated fear of inadequacy.
Dealing with such individuals requires patience and understanding.
It’s not about winning an argument, it’s about navigating the conversation in a way that maintains respect and dignity for all involved.
Everyone has their flaws, even narcissists.
Recognizing these phrases can help us better understand their mindset and perhaps even guide them towards healthier communication habits.
As we navigate our relationships, both personal and professional, let’s strive for empathy, understanding, and open communication.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not about who wins the argument but how we treat each other in the process.
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