Navigating the world of entrepreneurship can often feel like navigating a minefield of emotions.
If you grew up with emotionally unavailable parents, you might have developed some distinct personality traits that shape how you run your business and interact with others.
According to psychology, children of emotionally distant parents tend to develop seven key personality traits.
Understanding these traits can help you better understand yourself, identify your strengths and weaknesses, and ultimately, lead more effectively.
In this article, we’ll delve into each of these traits, shedding light on how they might be affecting your entrepreneurial journey.
It’s not about blaming your parents—it’s about understanding your past to build a stronger, more resilient future:
1) Hyper-independence
Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents often breeds a fierce sense of independence.
When emotional support is lacking during childhood, you learn to rely on yourself—your own strength, your own wit, your own capabilities.
In the entrepreneurial world, this hyper-independence can be both a blessing and a curse.
On one hand, it can drive you to push boundaries and strive for success without waiting for others to validate your ideas; on the other hand, it can make team collaboration and delegation challenging.
Famed psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”
As entrepreneurs, understanding our hyper-independence can lead us to learn how to strike a balance: Harnessing our self-reliance while also embracing the power of collaboration and change.
It’s all about understanding yourself deeper to adapt and grow in your entrepreneurial journey.
2) Perfectionism
Another common trait that surfaces when growing up with emotionally unavailable parents is perfectionism.
I can tell you from personal experience, it’s a double-edged sword.
When I launched my first business, I was determined to make it perfect—the perfect product, the perfect marketing strategy, the perfect customer experience.
I poured countless hours into tweaking every detail, convinced that success was synonymous with flawlessness.
However, as psychologist Anna Freud wisely said, “I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.”
This quote made me realize that my relentless pursuit of perfection wasn’t about the business; it was about proving my worthiness to myself and others.
Understanding this trait has allowed me to shift my perspective: to strive for excellence rather than perfection, to value progress over perfection, and to understand that mistakes aren’t failures but opportunities for growth and learning.
3) Difficulty expressing emotions
Have you ever felt like you’re wearing a mask? Like you have to hide your true emotions, or that expressing your feelings is a sign of weakness?
I’ve been there: Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents, I learned to conceal my feelings.
To be strong meant to be silent about my emotional struggles.
This trait seeped into my professional life as well.
I found myself forcing a smile during stressful situations, or brushing off disappointment with a shrug, never letting on how I truly felt, but maintaining this façade was exhausting and isolating.
Accepting my emotions—the good, the bad, the ugly—was a part of accepting myself.
Over time, I’ve learned that it’s okay to express emotions. It doesn’t make me weak; instead, it makes me human.
By sharing my feelings, I’ve been able to connect more authentically with my team and create a more supportive work environment.
4) Fear of intimacy
A fear of intimacy is another common trait that can arise when we grow up with emotionally unavailable parents.
It’s not necessarily about romantic relationships—it can also affect our friendships, business partnerships, and even our relationship with ourselves.
People who experienced emotional neglect in childhood have a greater tendency to avoid closeness in their adult relationships as they tend to be more self-reliant and less comfortable depending on others.
I’ve seen this play out in my own business relationships.
I would keep colleagues at arm’s length, not sharing personal stories or allowing myself to rely on them for support.
This created a ‘me against the world’ mentality that, while seemingly protective, was actually quite isolating.
Recognizing this fear of intimacy has allowed me to consciously work on fostering deeper, more meaningful connections—not only for my personal well-being but for the health of my business as well.
Trusting and relying on others has turned out to be one of the most rewarding aspects of my entrepreneurial journey.
5) Over-responsibility
Over-responsibility is another trait that can be shaped by growing up with emotionally unavailable parents.
This is the belief that everything depends on you, that you are responsible for everything and everyone around you.
In my own journey, I found myself taking on more than I could handle, believing that if I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done.
This led to burnout and a constant feeling of being overwhelmed.
Psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”
While it’s important to take responsibility for my actions, it’s equally important not to shoulder the weight of the world.
By letting go of over-responsibility, I’ve been able to reduce stress, delegate more effectively, and focus on what truly matters in my entrepreneurial journey.
6) High achievers
Now, this might sound counterintuitive, but children of emotionally unavailable parents often grow up to be high achievers.
Striving for success can become a way to earn the approval and validation that was missing in childhood.
Consider this: You push yourself to accomplish more, to be more, hoping that your achievements will make you feel worthy and loved. I’ve been there, setting lofty goals and working tirelessly to reach them.
Success is important, but it’s equally important to recognize that our worthiness doesn’t depend on external validation.
Rather, it’s about finding balance and understanding that it’s okay to strive for success without sacrificing our well-being.
7) Self-critical
Lastly, growing up with emotionally unavailable parents can often lead to a highly self-critical nature.
You might find yourself stuck in a pattern of harsh self-judgment, always focusing on your flaws and mistakes.
Sigmund Freud once said, “Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.”
I believe this involves not just acknowledging our weaknesses, but also recognizing our strengths and appreciating ourselves for who we truly are.
Remember, being kind to ourselves is just as important as striving for improvement.
Accepting ourselves, flaws and all, can lead to growth, resilience, and ultimately, success.
Final reflections
The journey of self-discovery is a complex and deeply personal one.
Understanding the traits shaped by our upbringing can shed light on our behaviors, our choices, and ultimately, our potential for growth.
When we grow up with emotionally unavailable parents, we may develop certain traits that affect our personal and professional lives.
However, knowing these traits is about understanding how our past has shaped us and using this understanding to navigate our future.
These traits aren’t our destiny as they’re simply part of our story and, like all stories, ours can be rewritten.
As we move forward, let’s reflect on these insights not as burdens from our past, but as stepping stones towards a more self-aware, resilient, and compassionate future.
Whether you’re an entrepreneur navigating the business world or simply someone seeking to understand themselves better, remember this: You are more than the sum of your past experiences.
You have the power to shape your future—and that journey starts with understanding yourself.
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