If you recognize these 7 signs, you’re dealing with a covert narcissist

Let’s talk about something a little less pleasant – covert narcissism. It’s a tricky beast, hiding in plain sight and often hard to spot until it’s too late.

Covert narcissists are masters of disguise, expertly playing the victim while subtly manipulating those around them.

Recognizing these individuals early on can save you a world of hurt. Luckily, there are certain tell-tale signs that give them away.

In this article, we’ll dive into the 7 signs that you’re dealing with a covert narcissist. The quicker you catch on, the better. Stick with me, and let’s navigate this tricky terrain together.

1) They’re always the victim

Let’s begin with something pretty common – the victim card.

Covert narcissists have an uncanny ability to always make themselves out to be the victim, regardless of the situation. It’s a clever tactic, painting themselves as the innocent party while subtly shifting blame onto others.

You see, they’re experts at twisting narratives. They’ll recount events in such a way that they were always the ones being wronged, even when they were the ones at fault.

It’s a way of manipulating your perception and garnering sympathy. And before you know it, you’re offering comfort and support, further feeding their need for attention.

When you notice someone consistently playing the victim, take a step back. You might just be dealing with a covert narcissist. But remember, it’s not about jumping to conclusions. It’s about being aware and protecting yourself if needed.

2) They’re subtly controlling

Here’s another sign – subtle control. Now, let me share a personal example to illustrate this.

A few years back, I had a friend who had a knack for steering decisions. Whether it was choosing a movie to watch, a restaurant for dinner, or even the topic of conversation – somehow it always ended up being their choice.

And they did this so subtly that you didn’t even realize you were being controlled. They’d suggest rather than insist, making it seem like you were still part of the decision-making process. But looking back, I now realize that they were always in control.

That’s what covert narcissists do. They exert control in such a subtle manner that you don’t even realize you’re being manipulated until you take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

If you find yourself constantly going along with someone else’s choices, even when you’d prefer something different, it might be worth considering if there’s more to it.

3) They have a grandiose sense of self

Covert narcissists often hold an inflated sense of self-worth. They believe they’re superior to others, even when there’s no basis for this belief.

They might not be as outright about this as overt narcissists, but the signs are still there. It’s in the way they talk about their achievements, the way they dismiss others’ opinions, or how they always assume they’re the smartest person in the room.

While it might seem like extreme confidence, it’s actually a sign of deep-seated insecurity. Research suggests that narcissists’ grandiose self-view is actually a defense mechanism to hide feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability.

So when you notice someone constantly elevating themselves above others while dismissing any suggestion that they might be wrong, you could be dealing with a covert narcissist.

4) They lack empathy

Another key sign of a covert narcissist is a lack of empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, and it’s a trait that narcissists are often missing.

Covert narcissists may appear to be compassionate and understanding at first, but this facade usually drops once they’ve secured your trust.

They struggle to genuinely empathize with others and often disregard people’s feelings if they don’t align with their own.

This lack of empathy means they can be very dismissive of your emotions. If you’re upset or hurt, a covert narcissist is more likely to belittle your feelings or ignore them entirely than to provide comfort.

If you find yourself in a relationship where your feelings are continuously dismissed or trivialized, it’s a warning sign that you might be dealing with a covert narcissist.

5) They’re never wrong

This one’s a little tough to admit, but it’s important. Covert narcissists have a very hard time admitting when they’re wrong.

I used to know someone like this. No matter how clear the evidence was, they’d twist the situation in such a way that they always came out on top. It was as if they were allergic to the words “I was wrong”.

This stubborn refusal to accept mistakes isn’t just frustrating, it’s also a classic sign of covert narcissism. They’ll do anything to avoid feeling shame or embarrassment, even if it means distorting reality.

So, if someone in your life consistently refuses to admit their mistakes or apologize, there might be more going on beneath the surface.

6) They’re passive-aggressive

Another sign of a covert narcissist is passive-aggressive behavior. Instead of expressing their feelings or frustrations directly, they tend to resort to indirect ways to communicate their dissatisfaction.

This could manifest as subtle backhanded compliments, silent treatment, or making you feel guilty for something you’ve done. The aim is to make you feel bad without them having to openly criticize or confront you.

Dealing with passive-aggressiveness can be incredibly frustrating. You’re left feeling like something’s wrong, but you can’t quite put your finger on it because they haven’t said anything outright.

If you consistently feel this way around someone, it may be a sign that they’re a covert narcissist.

7) They crave validation

Above all, covert narcissists are validation seekers. They have an insatiable need for approval, compliments, and recognition. They want to be admired and seen as special, and they’ll go to great lengths to achieve this.

But here’s the catch – the validation has to be on their terms. They want to be appreciated for the image they present, not for who they truly are.

This need for validation often leads them to exaggerate or lie about their achievements, and they may become upset or defensive if they feel they’re not receiving enough praise.

If you notice someone in your life who is constantly seeking validation and reacts negatively when they don’t get it, it’s a strong sign of covert narcissism.

At the end of the day: Awareness is key

Understanding covert narcissism isn’t about labeling people or jumping to conclusions. It’s about recognizing subtle signs that can protect you from emotional harm.

Knowing these signs can be a powerful tool. It allows you to differentiate between genuine care and manipulation, between true friends and those who simply use others for their own gain.

The world of psychology is vast and complex, much like the human mind itself. And while we’ve only scratched the surface of narcissistic behavior, it’s a step towards understanding the intricate dynamics of human relationships.

When it comes to covert narcissists, remember this: They are not monsters, but individuals dealing with their own insecurities and struggles.

Acknowledging this fact doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it helps us approach the situation with empathy and understanding.

Life is a continuous journey of learning and growing. And part of that growth involves recognizing the signs, setting boundaries, and standing up for yourself when necessary.

The more informed we are, the better our decisions. As Maya Angelou once said, “When you know better, you do better”.