Mel Robbins says most of your stress comes from ignoring this one rule

We’ve all gone through moments where someone else’s behavior leaves us feeling tense or frustrated. 

Maybe a co-worker skipped an important meeting, or a friend forgot a commitment, and we find ourselves internalizing that stress. 

I used to think that if I could just get people to act differently, I’d feel less frazzled. 

The tricky part is, trying to manage or fix everyone else’s choices is exhausting. Little by little, you build up unnecessary tension. 

Stress can stem from many places, but according to author and podcast host Mel Robbins, one major cause often goes overlooked. 

She highlights a simple but powerful principle known as the “Let them” rule. 

Essentially, if others want to do something—or not do something—the fastest way to preserve your own peace of mind is to let them.

Mel Robbins’s perspective offers a new lens: instead of stepping in or expecting a different outcome, we allow people to do their thing. 

At first, this idea feels counterintuitive—aren’t we supposed to stand up for ourselves and set boundaries? 

Well, yes. But the key is understanding that letting others be who they are doesn’t mean neglecting your own needs. 

In fact, it’s the quickest path to reducing mental clutter and freeing your mind from a stress loop.

Understanding the “let them” rule

When Mel Robbins discusses the “Let them” principle, she’s tapping into a broader idea about control and acceptance. 

According to her, many of us place an extraordinary amount of mental energy into trying to guide someone else’s actions or responses. 

We might not realize it, but whenever we invest heavily in outcomes we can’t actually control—like how another person behaves—we set ourselves up for disappointment. 

Robbins suggests that the healthiest approach is to let people do what they want, let them feel how they choose, and let them react in their own way. 

This doesn’t mean you approve or agree with everything they do; it simply means you release yourself from the burden of constantly policing their behavior.

There’s a wonderful clarity that comes from applying “Let them” to everyday interactions. 

Let’s say a colleague never replies to emails on time. If you’ve done your part—provided clear information, requested a response politely, and followed up when necessary—then worrying nonstop about their delays doesn’t solve anything. 

The “Let them” approach suggests that once you’ve communicated your expectations, you can step back and allow others to fulfill (or not fulfill) those expectations. 

Of course, if your job depends on their response, you can move up the chain of command or set new deadlines. 

But it helps to recognize the line between what is within your control and what is not.

One reason this principle resonates so much is that it acknowledges how people are complex and driven by factors we often don’t see. 

Everyone has different motivators, habits, and obligations. If a friend constantly cancels at the last minute, it could be a bad scheduling pattern on their part, or maybe they’re overwhelmed in other areas of life. 

“Let them” frees you from interpreting their actions as a personal slight. The moment you drop that assumption, you can cut the cord tying your peace of mind to their behavior. 

When I started practicing this mindset shift, I noticed a big difference in how I felt at the end of the day. No more stewing over why someone else wouldn’t do what I thought they should be doing.

Why this rule reduces stress

One of the biggest reasons “Let them” helps curb stress is that it aligns with a fundamental psychological truth: we can’t control other people’s actions, only how we respond to them. 

We hear this concept a lot, but actually putting it into practice is tricky. 

According to an article I read on Psych Central, a significant portion of our daily anxiety arises when we try to manipulate uncontrollable factors. 

The more we cling to the idea that other people need to behave in a certain way to keep us calm or satisfied, the more disappointed and stressed we become when reality doesn’t match our script.

Looking back, I can see where ignoring this principle contributed to my stress. 

I remember a time when I was trying to organize a get-together with some friends. I spent hours on every detail, from choosing the food to planning activities, only to discover that certain friends showed up late or didn’t participate as fully as I’d imagined. 

Instead of simply letting them handle their own decisions, I mentally labeled it as disrespectful or dismissive. I was convinced it was a reflection of their feelings toward me. 

Over the years, I’ve come to realize that people have their own reasons for doing things. 

My friends might have been juggling their own responsibilities or battling stressors I knew nothing about. 

By fixating on controlling their actions, I was essentially guaranteeing unnecessary stress for myself.

Embracing “Let them” helped me see that I was dumping extra tension on myself by expecting total compliance from everyone around me.

This doesn’t imply you let yourself be taken advantage of. You can still set boundaries, make requests, or even step away from relationships or environments that are harming you. 

The difference is that you’re no longer contorting yourself trying to fix, shape, or direct someone else’s every action. 

I’ve found that when I remove the pressure of controlling how others behave, I have more energy to devote to my own goals, well-being, and creativity. 

I can decide whether certain behaviors are worth addressing head-on or better left alone. 

Stress subsides because you’re no longer waging a mental battle against someone else’s free will.

Letting people behave as they choose also requires developing patience. Sometimes, folks need to learn through their own mistakes. 

If a friend or colleague is repeatedly late on deadlines, telling them over and over again might not change anything. 

When you adopt the “Let them” principle, you outline your expectations once, maybe follow up politely, and then let them deal with any natural consequences—like missing out on an opportunity or facing criticism from a supervisor. 

Learning to tolerate that process can feel challenging, especially if you see them heading for a pitfall. 

But the alternative is nagging, overreaching, or trying to rescue them from themselves, which typically results in more stress for everyone involved.

Moving forward

Ultimately, “Let them” is about releasing what you can’t control and finding peace in knowing you’ve done your part. 

If Mel Robbins’s advice shows us anything, it’s that a significant chunk of stress comes from ignoring this principle. 

When you let people make their own choices, you remove a layer of worry and conflict from your daily life. 

It doesn’t mean you endorse everything they do, nor does it mean you can’t hold them accountable when needed. 

What it does mean is that you stop believing it’s your job to steer every outcome.

I’ve noticed that life feels lighter and more spacious when I remember to apply this. 

If a family member declines an invitation to a holiday gathering, I let them. 

If a co-worker decides to skip a meeting, I let them—while making sure I’ve clearly communicated the consequences. 

Once you release yourself from the assumption that it’s your duty to keep everyone in line, your mind opens up for more productive and satisfying pursuits. 

Letting others act according to their own will also nurtures healthier boundaries because you’re no longer entangled in micromanaging them.

The next time you feel tempted to chase after someone’s misplaced priorities or bad habit, try pausing and telling yourself, “Let them.” 

Then direct your energy toward what you can actually shape—your own reactions, feelings, and next moves. 

Over time, this shift becomes second nature, and you’ll find that a whole lot of the weight you used to carry simply falls away.