I first came across Mel Robbins years ago when I was searching for straightforward, real-life strategies to manage stress and relationships.
She has a reputation for cutting through the fluff, and I’ve always found much of her advice useful.
One of her signature ideas was “The 5 Second Rule,” but what caught my attention more recently was her perspective on giving people room to be themselves.
She calls it the “Let Them” principle. At its core, it means allowing others to do what they choose without constantly stepping in or trying to control every outcome.
I’ll admit that when I first heard about it, I thought it sounded too simple. Isn’t it our job to help or “fix” situations for the people we care about?
But as I listened to her reasoning, I realized that many of us try so hard to steer other people’s decisions that we inadvertently create tension—for them and for ourselves.
Backing off can be surprisingly powerful when it comes to emotional peace and stronger connections in everyday life.
Let’s delve deeper into this interesting approach.
Why letting others make their own decisions matters
One of the main takeaways from this idea is that everyone has the right to choose their own path, no matter how much we care about them or disagree with their choices.
We might see our friends or family heading in directions we find questionable, but attempting to redirect them every step of the way can drain our time, our energy, and even our affection for them.
It’s tempting to think that providing constant advice or stepping in at the smallest sign of trouble will keep our relationships strong, but I’ve learned it can have the opposite effect.
When people feel hovered over or judged, they often become defensive or resentful.
Imagine you have a friend who’s making a big life decision—maybe it’s about dating someone new, or moving to a different city.
You offer your opinion (or warnings) because you think you’re being helpful. Yet your friend might read this as a lack of faith in their judgment.
Suddenly, the closeness you share feels strained because you’re trying too hard to take the wheel of their life.
On the flip side, letting them make decisions—right or wrong—demonstrates respect for their autonomy.
That doesn’t mean you never give advice. It just means you’re not insisting on your version of reality.
In my own relationships, I’ve noticed that people are more open to my perspective when they know I’m not trying to control them.
We build a trust that says: “I’m here for you, but I also trust you to handle your own path.” And that trust goes a long way in maintaining healthier bonds.
How it eases emotional stress
Trying to guide someone else’s every move isn’t just exhausting for them. It can wear us out too.
We end up feeling responsible for outcomes we can’t fully control, which is a recipe for anxiety.
I myself have stayed awake at night, replaying scenarios in my head about what might happen if my sister continues dating the “wrong” person or if my friend doesn’t listen to advice about a new job opportunity.
Part of why I find Mel Robbins’ perspective refreshing is that it shifts the focus back to what we can actually manage: ourselves.
We can’t be everywhere, fixing every potential mistake or heartbreak in the lives of people we love.
Letting them take charge relieves us of a burden we were never really meant to bear.
There’s freedom in saying, “That’s their decision,” not because we don’t care but because we accept that only they can truly choose for themselves.
I’ve noticed a personal transformation when I actively practice this. My shoulders don’t tense up as much.
I’m less likely to ruminate over someone else’s dilemma because I’ve acknowledged that it’s out of my hands.
While it was initially difficult to let certain things go, I discovered that my own mental health improved.
I had more clarity to focus on my life and to be present for them in a calmer, more supportive way, rather than trying to play the role of a perpetual advisor.
A personal story of stepping back
I remember a time when a close friend was considering a big overseas move.
She was excited about the idea, but I had a laundry list of reasons why it might be risky—culture shock, new language, financial uncertainty.
I tried warning her, sharing articles about the downsides of relocating, and even listing potential worst-case scenarios.
My intentions were good: I wanted to save her from possible disappointment.
But my approach unintentionally communicated that I thought she couldn’t handle it.
After one too many phone calls where I tried to “help” her see the hazards, she grew distant.
That’s when I realized I was crossing into territory that wasn’t mine to dominate. She wasn’t asking me to solve her dilemma; she just wanted to share her excitement.
So I decided to step back. I started listening more than talking, letting her voice her hopes and fears without jumping in with my take on what could go wrong.
She eventually made the move. It wasn’t always smooth sailing, but she learned a lot along the way and carved out a new life she really enjoyed.
Reflecting on that, I see how letting her do her thing spared our friendship a lot of grief.
It also reminded me that I don’t have to be the director of someone else’s story.
My job is to show up, support when asked, and trust their ability to navigate the hurdles.
And you know what? That felt liberating on my end too. No more second-guessing or endless “what if” scenarios—just genuine support tempered with healthy boundaries.
Trusting others to show their true selves
One key point behind letting people do what they want is that it allows them to show us who they really are.
If we’re constantly stepping in, we might never see how resourceful, independent, or even flawed they can be on their own.
Relationships become more genuine when we’re not busy scripting everyone’s next move.
Another friend of mine went through a phase where she was distancing herself from our group, preferring to hang out with new people who, frankly, seemed like a terrible influence.
Instead of staging an intervention, I decided to give her space.
I can’t lie—I was worried she’d get hurt or regret it later. But I also knew she needed the freedom to figure it out.
Over time, she realized on her own that these people weren’t the best for her. She came back to our circle stronger and more self-aware than before.
Had I tried to “fix” the situation by warning her every day, our friendship might have turned sour.
By choosing to trust her, I got to see her resilience in action. It also reinforced that sometimes what we perceive as a misstep can actually be a necessary learning experience for someone else.
Watching someone navigate difficulties on their own terms and come out the other side can deepen respect on both ends.
Wrapping up
Mel Robbins’ approach reminds me that real relationships thrive when we allow each other the space to learn and grow.
It can feel uncomfortable to watch someone we care about take a leap we’re not sure they’re ready for.
Yet I’ve seen firsthand that trying to control or protect people at every turn often leads to more tension than trust.
When we choose to step back and say, “Let them decide,” we give ourselves the gift of emotional freedom. We’re no longer weighing every possible outcome on our shoulders.
If you’re anything like me, taking that step can be scary at first. But each time I’ve consciously practiced it, I’ve found stronger connections and healthier personal boundaries on the other side.
Sometimes, letting people do what they feel is right is the greatest act of support we can offer.
And in the end, it not only benefits them—it also lets us breathe easier and focus on what truly matters.
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