I’ve always been drawn to author Mark Manson’s in-your-face yet strangely liberating take on happiness.
He doesn’t coddle you; he tells you straight up that you have finite emotional resources, and it’s on you to decide where to allocate them.
Over the years, I’ve tried adopting some of his principles in my own life. Sometimes I nail it; other times, I catch myself spiraling into old, draining patterns.
But you know what? The act of noticing those energy-sapping habits has been a game-changer for me, and it might be for you, too.
It’s not about never messing up or having the perfect mental approach. It’s about redirecting your focus away from the things that rob you of your time, sanity, and sense of peace.
In his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson famously said, “We’ve only got so many f*cks to give in our life, so we need to choose them wisely.”
That line encapsulates the essence of his philosophy: prioritize what truly matters, and don’t pour your life force into everything else.
With that in mind, let’s dive into seven things the happiest folks among us steer clear of in order to conserve their energy, stay grounded, and thrive.
1. They don’t obsess over pleasing everyone
Have you ever caught yourself overthinking how to make everyone happy—coworkers, family members, random strangers on the internet—only to end up feeling totally burnt out?
I’ve been there more times than I care to admit. Early in my career, when I was knee-deep in running startups, I thought success meant keeping every single client, partner, and teammate perpetually satisfied.
Turns out, that was an impossible mission. You can’t please everyone all the time without losing pieces of yourself in the process.
As Mark Manson points out, the pursuit of universal approval is a fast track to misery.
Happiest people understand that trying to be everything to everyone drains energy that could be spent on genuine connections and meaningful work.
Instead, they focus on their core values and let those values guide their actions.
If someone’s upset because you’re living in alignment with what truly matters to you, that’s a sign you’re probably on the right path.
2. They don’t dwell on past failures
I remember failing to land a major partnership deal back in my startup days. The disappointment kept me awake at night for weeks.
But the happiest, most resilient people I’ve observed in both business and everyday life rarely allow themselves to stay stuck in regret. Sure, they acknowledge mistakes. They just don’t wallow in them.
In an interview with the American Psychological Association, Dr. Robert Leahy emphasizes that dwelling on regret leads to increased stress and a negative self-image, which can snowball into anxiety or depression.
Happier folks approach past missteps as data points—a chance to learn, pivot, and move forward. This is called “adaptive regret”, where you use regret in the right way.
If you’re ruminating on a mistake that happened three months ago, ask yourself: “Is this serving me, or is it sucking the life out of me?”
Chances are, it’s the latter. By all means, glean what you can from your slipups. Then close the door on the past and invest your energy in the present.
3. They don’t chase endless validation
Do you post something on social media and refresh your feed every five minutes, anxiously awaiting likes and comments? Or do you find yourself constantly fishing for compliments from your peers and loved ones?
I’m not throwing stones; I used to be that person myself. But I can’t deny that external validation is slippery.
It feels amazing in the moment, yet it creates this never-ending loop of needing more to feel worthy.
Happier individuals—those who embody Mark Manson’s idea of focusing on what truly counts—don’t rely on the fleeting high of public applause or social approval.
They find fulfillment in their own progress, personal values, and relationships that truly matter.
Validation’s nice if it comes, but it’s not the driving force behind their choices.
They know that if your self-worth hinges on someone else’s nod of approval, you’re handing over a huge chunk of your energy to forces beyond your control.
4. They don’t compare themselves to everyone else
“As soon as you compare, you lose,” a mentor once told me.
At the time, it sounded corny. But after reading more of Manson’s work, I realized how powerful that concept is.
Nothing drains your energy faster than measuring your life against someone else’s highlight reel.
The comparison trap can be so destructive, especially in a world dominated by social media.
The happiest individuals simply don’t play that game.
If they see someone crushing it, they might feel inspired or even a tad envious for a second. Then they let that feeling go and refocus on their own lane.
This approach ensures their energy is directed toward growth and progress, not wasted on bitterness or self-doubt.
5. They don’t invest time in toxic relationships
Let’s face it: some people will only siphon your emotional gas tank dry. We all have that friend who’s perpetually negative or that colleague who seems to thrive on drama.
Happier people, according to Mark Manson’s teachings, create boundaries that shield them from emotional vampires.
Instead of letting draining relationships fester, they either cut ties or maintain firm limits on how much time and mental bandwidth they devote to these individuals.
Psychological research shows that toxic or stressful relationships can raise cortisol (the stress hormone) levels, which might contribute to long-term health issues like heart disease and weakened immunity.
That’s a steep price to pay for keeping someone around out of guilt or habit.
Letting go isn’t always easy, but in my experience, it’s a surefire way to reclaim your energy and make space for more positive, uplifting connections.
6. They don’t overextend themselves
Years back, I used to pride myself on being the “yes” guy—I’d take on every project that crossed my desk.
As a result, my to-do list was endless, and my stress levels were sky-high.
I eventually realized that saying yes to everything meant doing a mediocre job at most things.
The happiest people I know, however, keep their commitments in check. They don’t bite off more than they can chew, and they’re not shy about turning down requests that don’t align with their priorities.
This aligns perfectly with Mark Manson’s perspective: every time you say yes to something that doesn’t truly matter to you, you’re saying no to something that does.
If you find yourself swamped and resentful, it’s probably because you’ve given away your energy to tasks, events, or even causes that don’t light you up.
Prune your commitments, and you’ll quickly notice a surge in your quality of life—and the quality of your work.
7. They don’t live in perpetual worry about the future
Ever lie awake at night imagining worst-case scenarios? I’ve done it plenty—especially when I first started traveling solo or launched a new venture.
A little apprehension can be healthy; it spurs planning and problem-solving.
But chronic worry only grinds you down, sapping energy that could be spent on proactive steps in the here and now.
Mark Manson emphasizes that we have very little control over how we’ll feel in uncertain times. But he says that we do have control over the environment in which those feelings will occur.
That’s why he suggests shifting your focus to creating the best environment for yourself.
He adds, “Once your thinking shifts to this, you’ll start to say to yourself, ‘Okay, I can’t control X, but what can I do to make the best possible outcome more likely to happen?’”
This is so helpful in coming to terms with the fact that uncertainty is just another part of life.
Happier people remain realistic, but they don’t let tomorrow’s uncertainties paralyze them today.
They focus on what they can control—like honing their skills or strengthening their support system—and trust themselves to handle challenges as they arise.
This mindset doesn’t eliminate surprises or disappointments, but it frees up mental space to actually enjoy life.
And to round things off (though it’s no small matter)…
We all have a finite amount of energy, both mentally and physically.
The happiest people, as Mark Manson underscores, choose to safeguard that precious resource by letting go of habits and mindsets that simply aren’t worth the emotional cost.
Whether it’s giving up the need for external validation or learning to walk away from toxic relationships, each of these points is really about making a conscious choice.
For me, it’s been humbling to realize I can’t do it all or please everyone—nor should I want to.
But by being more intentional about where I place my focus, I find that life gets simpler and more rewarding.
If any of these seven points strike a chord, maybe it’s time to see where you’re pouring out energy that doesn’t need to be spent.
Until next time, friends.
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