I remember the whirlwind of excitement in the months leading up to my wedding—there were so many details to work out, from the venue and guest list to the cake flavors and first-dance song.
But looking back, one of the best decisions my husband and I made was carving out real time to discuss our values, goals, and expectations for the future.
It definitely wasn’t the most romantic part of wedding planning, but it gave us both the confidence that we were truly on the same team.
Now, happily on the other side of “I do,” I can see just how important those conversations were.
Because here’s the thing: nobody can predict every twist and turn in a relationship.
But if you and your partner have come to clear agreements on the fundamentals, you’ll lay a foundation that makes it so much easier to weather the inevitable storms ahead.
In this piece, I’ll share five big topics you’ll want to agree on before tying the knot. Having these honest chats sooner rather than later gives you the best possible start to a strong, lasting marriage.
1. Clarifying your shared life vision
I remember a conversation my husband Alex and I had early on, when we discovered we both wanted to stay in a city environment rather than move to the suburbs.
It was a simple discussion, but it symbolized our underlying dreams for the future—where we would live, the kind of community we wanted around us, and how we saw our social lives.
That “life vision” chat turned out to be a big deal. It forced us to think about our long-term goals in a way we probably wouldn’t have done on our own.
As the Gottman Institute puts it:
“When couples have that shared dream, the inevitable ups and downs of marriage are less bothersome. Creating a larger context of meaning in life can help couples to avoid focusing only on the little stuff that happens and to keep their eyes on the big picture.”
Understanding what each person values doesn’t just help you plan—you also learn to appreciate each other’s motivations and give each other space to grow.
2. Handling money matters
Money can be an emotional topic, even more so when two people with different financial habits join forces.
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For instance, I used to be super cautious with spending, while my spouse had a more laid-back approach.
Though our methods didn’t perfectly align at first, talking about it openly helped us create a strategy that suits our goals as a couple.
One of the biggest breakthroughs was setting up a shared plan for both saving and spending, so each of us knew exactly where the money was going.
From my own experience, when you agree on how to budget, save, and invest before official commitment, there’s less opportunity for surprise arguments down the road.
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It’s wise to get into the nitty-gritty, like how you’ll split bills and whether you’ll maintain joint or separate accounts.
This isn’t about imposing one person’s method on the other; it’s about compromising in a way that respects both individuals’ comfort levels.
As uncomfortable as it may feel to talk about money, it’s absolutely necessary, considering that money is one of the top causes of divorce.
So, the earlier you can get on the same page about it, the better your chances of staying together will be.
3. Approaching conflict resolution
Every relationship has its tense moments. Maybe you and your partner argue about little things like who forgot to pick up the dry cleaning or bigger issues like whether to change careers.
What often matters most is how you handle these disagreements.
One couple I know swears by “time-outs,” where they agree to pause an argument if tempers flare and continue only when both can talk calmly.
Another couple keeps a shared journal to write out frustrations before speaking in person.
Those methods might sound quirky, but they reflect a proactive approach to conflict resolution.
I’ve tried various techniques myself, such as the classic “count to ten before responding,” and they’ve genuinely helped me keep perspective.
According to the team at Psychology Today, it’s wise for couples to have a mutually agreed-upon way of handling arguments.
The real trick is to see disagreements as a chance to strengthen your bond, not tear each other down.
If you can agree on respectful communication styles—like avoiding personal insults or shouting—then when conflict arises, it becomes an opportunity to solve a problem rather than attack each other.
Establishing these rules before walking down the aisle can keep a lot of tension at bay later.
4. Understanding your stance on family
Not everyone wants kids, while others have dreamed of a big family since childhood.
Some people imagine living with extended relatives under one roof, while others value having a separate household.
I remember how shocked a friend of mine was when she found out her new spouse didn’t want children—and that topic had never come up before marriage.
It led to months of painful discussions that could have been addressed in the dating stage if they’d been clearer with each other from the start.
Agreeing on how to approach these family matters includes discussing how you’ll handle extended relatives, too.
For instance, I’m quite close with my own family, while my partner’s side is more spread out.
We had to decide how often we’d visit or host relatives and how we’d handle major holidays.
If you don’t talk about these issues early on, you might end up resenting one another when tensions build.
The key is ensuring both partners feel heard and respected, even if one has to compromise or adjust certain habits.
5. Aligning moral and spiritual beliefs
People sometimes assume that as long as they respect each other’s beliefs, there won’t be problems.
However, it’s not that easy. Moral and spiritual views often touch on everything from daily habits to big-picture life decisions.
When I was younger, I recall thinking that religious or philosophical differences didn’t matter if two people were in love.
Now, I’ve come to see how shared or at least compatible belief systems can remove a ton of friction.
Alignment doesn’t necessarily mean both partners practice the same faith or hold identical moral codes. It’s more about how those beliefs translate into everyday behavior.
Let’s say one partner emphasizes charitable giving as part of their spiritual practice, while the other sees it more as an optional act.
Without clear communication, these differences can cause misunderstandings over time—especially when deciding how to spend money, which charities to support, or how to raise children.
An open conversation around these topics before marriage can help each person understand what truly matters to the other.
And even if you can’t completely match up, mutual respect and genuine willingness to accommodate each other’s viewpoints go a long way.
Wrapping up
Getting married is a huge life step, and it’s easy to get lost in the excitement of planning the wedding or picking a honeymoon spot.
But as you can see, setting the groundwork for a strong union involves more than choosing the perfect reception venue.
It comes down to discussing the essential elements that shape how you’ll actually live your life together.
If you work through these five impactful topics, you’ll likely discover a deeper sense of trust and teamwork long before you say “I do.”
Here’s to building a partnership that supports growth, understanding, and genuine happiness in the long run.
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