If I could hop into a time machine and sit down with my younger self—let’s say a wide-eyed twenty-year-old who was eager to prove something to the world—I’d probably start with a simple question:
“Are you really living on your own terms, or just following someone else’s script?”
It’s a question I wish I’d been asked back when I was caught up in chasing external accolades and conforming to social expectations.
I was convinced that success meant a stable corporate job, a nice apartment, and ticking off all the typical boxes.
Today, I’m in my mid-40s, and I’ve realized life isn’t so simple.
The endless pursuit of status and validation doesn’t necessarily lead to genuine happiness. Sometimes we’re just clinging to illusions, hoping they will anchor us.
In this conversation with my younger self, I’d share some hard-won truths—gleaned from philosophy, psychology, and personal adventures around the world—about love, life, and finding a happiness that actually feels real.
1) Refrain from chasing external validation
When I look back, I see a younger me obsessed with how others saw me: professors, bosses, even total strangers on social media.
That chase was relentless. I believed that if I could impress them, I’d feel complete.
But here’s the kicker: external validation never truly satisfies. It’s like drinking salt water when you’re thirsty—it only leaves you craving more.
I learned this the hard way. After graduating in political science and philosophy, I stepped into a corporate job to “prove” my worth.
Yet, every time I got a pat on the back or a promotion, I found myself anxious for the next wave of approval.
Instead of living my own life, I was performing in someone else’s show.
If I were talking to my younger self, I’d say: measure your life by your own yardstick.
Approval from others might feel great in the moment, but only self-validation can give you a lasting sense of confidence.
2) Embrace the messiness of real love
Romantic love isn’t always the fairy-tale narrative we’re sold.
It’s messy, complicated, and often forces us to confront our own shortcomings.
When I was younger, I believed that if I met the “right” person, everything would fall perfectly into place.
But real love, I’ve discovered, is more about aligning values and choosing mutual growth.
It’s not something that just “happens”; it’s a practice that evolves.
What I’d tell my younger self is that love doesn’t always feel like fireworks.
Sometimes it feels like a gentle flame that warms you over time. And that’s not any less real.
The key is staying true to yourself even when love gets bumpy.
If you twist and turn to accommodate someone else’s idea of who you should be, you end up losing your own center.
Authenticity isn’t optional. It’s the core of building a love that can weather the ups and downs of life.
3) True happiness starts with personal agency
People often say, “Happiness comes from within,” but it took me years to internalize that.
I was too busy waiting for external circumstances to align—maybe if I got the next job, the next relationship, or the next big idea off the ground, then happiness would be mine.
But relying on external events puts your emotional well-being in someone else’s hands.
Viktor Frankl once wrote about how we have the freedom to choose our attitude, even in the direst circumstances.
That idea shook me out of my own complacency.
Personal agency matters because it gives you a sense of control. You can’t predict every twist life will throw your way, but you can decide how you respond.
If I were to share this with my younger self, I’d emphasize the power of small, mindful choices.
That’s where lasting happiness truly begins—inside the ability to choose how you engage with the world.
4) Don’t get caught in the “chase” trap
I used to be stuck in what I call the “chase” trap: perpetually looking for the next milestone, the next promotion, the next sign of success.
It’s exhilarating at first, but then you realize you’re running on a treadmill that never slows down.
You chase happiness like it’s a prize on a top shelf, always slightly out of reach.
To dive deeper into why this cycle can be so exhausting, check out this video on chasing happiness from my YouTube channel. It breaks down how the very act of pursuing happiness can sometimes push it further away.
I wish the younger me knew earlier to pause and take stock of what really brought joy, rather than focusing on what society said I should want.
After all, if you never stop chasing, you might miss the contentment that’s already within your grasp.
5) Solitude is not your enemy
When I was younger, I dreaded being alone.
It felt like I was missing out if I wasn’t constantly surrounded by friends or colleagues. I interpreted solitude as a sign of failure in my social life.
But over time, I learned there’s a big difference between loneliness and solitude.
Loneliness can feel isolating, sure, but solitude can be liberating.
Spending time by yourself—whether it’s through meditation, journaling, or just a quiet walk—gives you a chance to reflect, regroup, and reconnect with who you are.
It’s during these solitary moments that I’ve had my biggest insights, whether in the middle of an Australian outback adventure or during a quiet evening in a bustling city like Bangkok.
If I could speak to the younger me, I’d say: don’t fear your own company.
It’s in solitude that you find clarity and cultivate the internal resilience you’ll need for life’s inevitable storms.
6) Critically examine mainstream narratives
I grew up in a household where big questions and intellectual debates were the norm, thanks to my parents’ backgrounds in education.
But once I stepped out into the “real world,” I noticed that most people just went along with what they were told.
The mainstream narrative seemed to say: do well in school, get a respectable job, conform to social norms, and that’s how you achieve a fulfilling life.
In my late 20s, I started to question this. I felt trapped by the so-called matrix—this societal script that dictates what you should do with your life.
That’s when I co-founded Ideapod.
I wanted a space to explore unconventional ideas, to push back on the notion that there’s only one correct path.
So here’s a piece of advice I’d love to share with you: ask tough questions and don’t be afraid to break a few rules.
Too often, we accept social constructs as unshakeable truths when they’re just stories we’ve collectively agreed upon.
7) Your worth isn’t defined by milestones
When I was fresh out of university, I kept measuring my worth by ticking off achievements: a certain salary, a certain job title, or a certain relationship status.
But these milestones are fleeting. You get them, you celebrate for a day or two, and then you’re left wondering, “What’s next?”
That endless pursuit can create a hollow sense of success.
The truth I’d share with my younger self is that life has no finish line.
Every time you hit a milestone, there’s a new one on the horizon.
Instead, anchor your self-worth in your values—like integrity, kindness, or creativity.
Whatever path you end up taking or whoever you end up with in life, those core values remain steady.
Milestones will come and go, but a strong sense of self carries you forward no matter the outcome.
Conclusion
If I could pass just one message to the younger me, it would be this: you have more freedom than you think, and that freedom isn’t some distant goal—it’s yours to claim now.
Every choice, every moment of stillness, every realization that you’re enough as you are, adds up to a richer experience of life.
But you have to be willing to question the scripts handed to you and shape your own path.
Life is short, love is profound (though rarely perfect), and happiness is more about alignment with who you genuinely are than about external scoreboard points.
I’m still learning, and I’m not a guru by any stretch. But hopefully, sharing my stumbles and reflections can spark a bit of clarity for you, too.
If you want more insights—ranging from self-love to exploring life’s bigger questions—feel free to follow my YouTube channel, Wake Up Call. Let’s keep this conversation going.
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