Most of us have experienced rocky relationships at one point or another, but there’s a big difference between occasional moodiness and a pattern of severe emotional volatility.
If you’ve been feeling constantly on edge—always tiptoeing around your partner’s reactions—it might be time to ask some tough questions about how capable they are of handling their own emotions.
While nobody’s perfect, there are certain behaviors that indicate deeper issues. Recognizing these red flags early can save you a lot of heartache in the long run.
In this article, I’m going to walk you through seven warning signs that might suggest the person you’re with struggles to regulate themselves.
Think of this as a conversation over coffee, rather than a lecture. I’m not here to tell you what to do, but rather to shine a light on common patterns that keep people stuck in draining, unstable dynamics.
By the end, you’ll have a clearer sense of whether you’re dealing with typical relationship bumps or something more concerning.
1. They swing between extremes
One day they’re showering you with affection, and the next day they’re giving you the silent treatment for no apparent reason.
Rapid shifts in mood aren’t just confusing; they can be a sign of an underlying emotional imbalance.
This pattern might look like excessive praise followed by intense criticism, or it could appear as dramatic peaks and valleys in their enthusiasm for the relationship.
Extreme mood swings can leave you feeling off-balance, never sure which version of them you’ll encounter.
In my experience, it’s nearly impossible to nurture a healthy bond if you’re constantly bracing yourself for the next emotional outburst.
You end up spending more time managing their volatility than getting to know who they really are.
2. They make everything about them
We all need to vent or seek support sometimes, but there’s a difference between healthy sharing and relentless self-focus.
If your significant other repeatedly hijacks conversations to talk about their problems, dismissing your concerns in the process, that’s a red flag.
A friend of mine once dated someone who never stopped talking about his personal drama—he rarely asked how she was doing, even when she had a tough day at work or was worried about her family.
In healthy relationships, both parties share the emotional load.
If your partner is perpetually unavailable when you need a listening ear, but expects you to drop everything at a moment’s notice for them, it signals a deeper instability.
The reality is that true intimacy requires mutual empathy. Without it, there’s a power imbalance that makes real closeness nearly impossible.
3. They can’t take criticism
There’s a difference between having your feelings hurt occasionally and flying off the handle whenever you’re given the slightest bit of feedback.
If you find that your partner becomes defensive, combative, or dramatically upset at the tiniest suggestion of wrongdoing, that’s a significant indicator they’re not managing their emotions well.
Even if you phrase your concerns gently, they might lash out or shut down, refusing to consider that they could improve in any area.
I spoke about this tendency in a recent video I shared on my channel about what to look for in a life partner.
You see, feedback is a natural part of growing together, especially if you both want a stable, evolving relationship.
You want a partner with whom open communication is possible, and you can voice your needs without triggering a meltdown.
4. They rarely take responsibility
It’s one thing to lose your cool when under stress, but it’s another thing entirely to blame everyone else for your actions.
If you notice your partner has a habit of saying, “It’s your fault I’m angry” or “You made me do that,” you might be looking at someone who lacks accountability.
I’ve personally been in a situation where an ex-partner regularly insisted that her emotional outbursts were triggered solely by me.
At first, I tried to change my behavior to accommodate her, but no matter what I did, the explosions kept happening.
According to a piece I once read on Psychology Today, consistent blame-shifting is actually a form of verbal abuse.
People who struggle to manage their own turmoil sometimes look for external scapegoats, pushing the responsibility onto those closest to them.
Over time, this blame game can wear you down, making you second-guess your own sense of reality.
5. They use manipulative tactics
Sometimes, emotional instability surfaces in subtler ways, like manipulation.
This might look like guilt-tripping you into staying home when you want to see friends, or threatening to end the relationship if you don’t do exactly what they want.
These tactics are designed to control your behavior by exploiting your emotions.
If you sense that your partner uses fear, guilt, or shame to get their way, it’s a strong sign they’re not managing their own emotions effectively.
In healthy relationships, we respect each other’s boundaries.
In unhealthy ones, those boundaries are repeatedly crossed, often through psychological manipulations that leave you feeling confused or even powerless.
The problem is, if you tolerate these tactics for too long, they can become normalized.
You might start viewing them as just another quirk of the relationship, when in reality, it’s an indication of deeper instability.
6. Their past relationships are chaotic
We all have baggage, but when your partner’s history is littered with dramatic breakups or constant conflict, it might point to a pattern they haven’t addressed.
I’ve been there—dating someone who described every ex-partner as “toxic,” “obsessed,” or “crazy.”
At first, I believed the stories. Then I noticed that the same kind of chaos was creeping into our relationship.
According to life coach Vikram Pore, relationship baggage makes it difficult for both individuals to connect deeply and meaningfully.
That’s because unresolved issues in past relationships tend to resurface in new ones unless the person does the internal work to break the cycle.
If your partner hasn’t shown any growth or self-awareness about their past, chances are the same emotional volatility will resurface with you.
Keep in mind that there’s a difference between having a few rough breakups and describing an entire line of ex-partners as villains.
When it’s always the other person’s fault, you have to wonder what they might be avoiding in themselves.
7. They lack emotional consistency
Lastly, emotional stability doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time—far from it.
It simply means you generally have a predictable range of reactions, even during stressful situations.
If your partner veers wildly from delighted to devastated, affectionate to indifferent, all within the span of days (or even hours), you’re dealing with someone who hasn’t found a stable internal compass.
Consistency matters because it sets the foundation for trust. When you don’t know which mood will greet you next, it’s hard to build a deep, trusting bond.
If you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells, or bracing for their next dramatic shift, that’s not just a “phase.” It’s an ongoing environment of unpredictability that can erode your emotional health over time.
Conclusion
Navigating any relationship takes effort, but if you’ve recognized several of these red flags, it’s worth taking a step back.
These behaviors are serious indicators that the other person may not be ready for a steady, supportive connection—no matter how strong the chemistry might be.
You’re not obligated to stay in a situation that affects your well-being. It’s perfectly okay to set boundaries, seek counseling, or even walk away if the instability becomes overwhelming.
If you’d like more insights into relationships and emotional health, feel free to check out my YouTube channel, Wake-Up Call.
You’ll find conversations and resources aimed at helping you build fulfilling connections without losing yourself in someone else’s turmoil.
You deserve a relationship that nurtures you—and recognizing these warning signs is a solid first step toward ensuring that’s what you ultimately find.
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