Whether we admit it or not, many of us spend far too much energy trying to impress other people.
We adjust our appearance, suppress our real feelings, and pretend everything’s fantastic because we’re afraid of appearing “less than.”
But the irony is that all this effort rarely brings real freedom or genuine confidence.
Instead, it creates a type of prison—one where we’re too busy performing to ever truly be ourselves.
The truth is, we can let go of certain habits and mindsets that keep us stuck in this performance mode.
I’m not saying it’s always easy.
But if we’re serious about finding real emotional freedom, we need to learn how to detach from external expectations.
That’s where these six points come in.
They’re personal lessons I’ve picked up through trial and error, and I’m sharing them in the hope that they might spark something in you, too.
Let’s dive in.
1. The need for approval
For most of my life, I was quite the approval junkie.
I wanted my friends to like my jokes, my boss to praise my work, and even strangers on social media to thumbs-up my posts.
It felt good in the moment, but it also kept me addicted to external validation.
The problem is that relying on approval for self-esteem is a never-ending cycle.
You get a brief high, and then you’re left chasing it again when the next situation arises.
Psychologist Carl Rogers talked a lot about the conditions we place on ourselves, calling them “conditions of worth.”
We end up feeling worthy only when we meet certain expectations—often placed on us by others.
This isn’t genuine self-worth; it’s a performance.
And like any performance, it’s exhausting.
To break this cycle, you have to start noticing when you’re seeking approval instead of living your truth.
It might feel uncomfortable at first, but that discomfort is a sign that you’re breaking free of the habit.
You’re no longer letting external opinions define your identity.
2. Over-explaining yourself
I used to spend ages justifying my choices to people.
If I decided to move to a new city or shift careers, I’d launch into a monologue explaining why it made sense, almost as if I needed permission.
But here’s what I realized: if you find yourself constantly justifying or defending your decisions, you might be trapped in a cycle of trying to reassure others that you’re still “acceptable.”
There’s a difference between sharing your thought process out of genuine enthusiasm and over-explaining because you’re scared of judgment.
Over-explaining happens when we subconsciously believe that we have to rationalize our every move so we don’t get rejected.
It’s rooted in fear.
One thing that helped me stop over-explaining was adopting a simpler approach: “This is what I’m doing because it resonates with me.”
Done.
No pages of justification.
No frantic attempts to fill the silence if someone doubts me.
Sometimes silence itself is a powerful statement of self-confidence.
By trusting your own ability to choose wisely, you free yourself from constantly defending your path.
3. Trying to be “perfect”
Perfectionism is a tricky beast.
It masquerades as a noble quest for excellence when, in reality, it’s often about impressing others and avoiding criticism at all costs.
The worst part is it usually stems from believing your self-worth is tied to your performance.
When I look back, I see how many opportunities I let slip through my fingers because I was terrified of not doing things flawlessly.
I was scared that if I messed up, people would judge me—and that meant, on some level, I’d be “less worthy.”
Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting things to be done well; it’s about using that pursuit to shield yourself from the sting of judgment.
Recognizing this can be liberating.
Letting go of perfection doesn’t mean settling for mediocrity.
It means being willing to show up, flaws and all, because you care more about the experience and less about outside opinions.
This mindset shift often leads to improved creativity and resilience—after all, if you’re not trying to impress anyone, you can actually give yourself space to explore and grow.
4. Limiting beliefs
For a long time, I held onto subtle but powerful limiting beliefs: “I’m not the type of person who can speak confidently in front of a crowd,” or “I’ll never be good enough to write a book.”
Each belief was like a small cage, keeping me confined.
It wasn’t until I identified these beliefs that I realized how much they were rooted in external comparisons—comparing myself to “naturally talented” people or hearing that I should “stay in my lane.”
I had to actively challenge these mental blocks.
One resource that deeply helped me was Ruda Iande’s Free Your Mind masterclass. It’s a program designed to help you face the beliefs holding you back and truly question where they came from.
It’s incredible how much of our mental conditioning goes unnoticed because we’re so accustomed to it. Yet once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
The more I confronted these invisible scripts in my head, the more I realized just how much freedom I could reclaim by simply acknowledging them and choosing not to give them power.
5. Your social media facade
Social media can be a fun way to connect with people, but it can also turn into a never-ending race for “likes” and validation.
I remember scrolling through my feed and feeling that gnawing sense of envy whenever I saw someone on a stunning beach or celebrating a major accomplishment.
Pretty soon, I found myself curating my own profile to present a certain image.
But that’s the thing—it was an image, not the reality of my day-to-day experience.
The problem with building a facade is that it doesn’t fulfill the human need for genuine connection.
It creates an illusion that everything is perfect, while you might be struggling in the background.
I’ve also noticed that people pick up on authenticity.
The more I dropped the polished act, the more meaningful my interactions became—both online and offline.
Letting go of your social media facade doesn’t mean quitting social media entirely, unless that feels right to you.
It’s more about shedding the belief that you need to portray a flawless version of yourself.
6. People pleasing
I once traveled with a friend whose preferences always overshadowed mine. He’d choose the restaurants, the activities, and the schedule.
I just went along, thinking, “It’s cool, I’m being laid-back.” But after a few days, I felt strangely unsettled.
I realized that I wasn’t speaking up, even about small things, because I was afraid of coming across as demanding or difficult.
People pleasing is a subtle habit, and it often starts with the best intentions.
But if you always default to accommodating everyone else, you risk losing your sense of self.
You’ll end up feeling resentful, burnt out, or simply invisible.
If that resonates, ask yourself if you’re giving from a place of genuine kindness or if you’re giving out of fear of rocking the boat.
Once you start setting healthy boundaries, you’ll realize that standing up for your needs doesn’t make you less caring or compassionate.
It actually builds more honest relationships, because people get to know the real you.
Conclusion
Breaking free from the urge to constantly impress others is a journey, not a quick fix.
Each day, we’re presented with moments where we can choose authenticity over performance.
And while it might feel scary to let go of old habits and beliefs, it’s also profoundly liberating.
Imagine how much energy you’ll have once you stop filtering every action through the lens of someone else’s judgment.
When you do finally decide to reclaim that energy, I encourage you to continue challenging the mental programming that has held you back.
If you’re ready for a deeper dive, consider checking out Ruda Iande’s Free Your Mind masterclass. It’s an invaluable resource for discovering and releasing those stubborn mental patterns we hardly even notice.
Letting go is never easy, but trust me—it’s worth it.
Every step toward authenticity brings you closer to the freedom you deserve.
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