I’ve noticed an interesting pattern in some folks I’ve met over the years—people who seem to have “made it” in life (a great job, money in the bank, maybe even a corner office), yet they can’t relax or enjoy themselves.
They’re driven, sure, but they’re also perpetually anxious, never satisfied, and prone to stress over the smallest things.
I’ve often wondered: Where does that come from?
Well, I think it’s partly rooted in childhood. Specifically, people who grew up in that lower-middle-class zone often faced tough experiences that shaped their mindsets about success, enjoyment, and self-worth.
It’s not that these experiences were all bad—they can breed incredible resilience—but they can also leave a subtle legacy of stress and restlessness in adulthood.
If you suspect this might be you, buckle up. I’m about to share five childhood experiences that, in my view, can cause a person to find material success yet still struggle to enjoy the fruits of their labor.
Let’s get started.
1. They grew up with a scarcity mindset
A friend of mine once joked that their family motto was “We can’t afford that.” Sound familiar?
In a lower-middle-class home, money can be tight, and everyone’s constantly aware of the budget. Hearing your parents worry about bills can cause you to internalize an “always prepare for the worst” mentality.
Fast-forward to adulthood, and this translates into a relentless drive for security—often at the expense of genuine enjoyment.
Worse yet as noted by the folks at Investopedia such a scarcity mindset also “shortens a person’s horizons and narrows his perspective, creating a dangerous tunnel vision.”
Don’t get me wrong, having a safety net is crucial, but there’s a difference between being prudent and obsessing over finances to the point where you never allow yourself any fun or take advantage of opportunities.
2. They were taught “hard work first, enjoyment second” (and sometimes never second)
Growing up lower-middle class, a lot of us were taught that relaxation or leisure is something you get to do after you’ve earned it—if you earn it at all.
Maybe you witnessed your parents take extra shifts instead of going on vacation. Maybe you rarely saw them indulge in a small luxury, like a weekend trip, because the budget just didn’t allow it.
This is hardly a surprise. Recent research on “leisure guilt” found that people anxious about their socioeconomic status feel distress when engaging in downtime and tend to avoid it, a habit linked to higher stress and lower well-being.
While that kind of upbringing can turn you into a determined, disciplined adult, it also makes it really hard to slow down.
Even when you finally have the money to enjoy life, you might not know how—guilt or a vague sense of “I should be working” creeps in. You become so used to proving your worth through hard work that you never give yourself permission to bask in your achievements.
3. They were taught struggles were a sign of weakness
In many lower-middle-class households, kids are expected to tough it out. It’s not that parents don’t care—often they just don’t have the luxury of letting their children “fall apart.”
Maybe there wasn’t enough money for therapy or time for long emotional chats. The result is that, as adults, these folks end up bottling things up.
They can become high achievers, perfectionists even, constantly pushing themselves to prove they’re not weak.
But the flip side can be stress, anxiety, or even health issues. It’s like they feel they have to carry the world on their shoulders, and they rarely open up or ask for help.
4. They had limited opportunities (and learned to overcompensate)
If you come from a family that couldn’t afford extracurriculars beyond the basics—or maybe didn’t have the time to taxi you around to different clubs—you might have felt overshadowed by peers who had more resources.
…so you overcompensated in adulthood by pushing yourself relentlessly.
On the one hand, this can absolutely drive success: You become resourceful, determined, and unstoppable.
But you might also be haunted by a feeling that you’re forever “behind,” or like you don’t deserve your success so you never really pause to relish how far you’ve come. Research seems to back this up suggesting people from lower-class backgrounds are more prone to imposter syndrome.
Sound like you?
If your drive is fueled more by fear of missing out on opportunities than actual passion, the result is stress. And it’s the kind of stress that makes it tough to feel the joy in your successes.
5. They were surrounded by people who normalized self-sacrifice
Growing up in a lower-middle-class setting often means seeing caregivers, neighbors, and extended family members who all put their own needs last.
Sacrificing free time for a second job to pay the electric bill might have been routine in your neighborhood. Perhaps your parents never took a day off, let alone a vacation. Or maybe your grandparents always insisted on “doing without” to make sure everyone else was taken care of.
That sense of never prioritizing yourself can carry over into adulthood.
Sure, you land a high-paying job or launch a successful startup, but instead of enjoying the spoils, you feel obligated to care for others—sometimes to your own detriment. You might even view self-care as indulgent or selfish.
Wrapping up
It’s worth emphasizing that the very traits that help you climb the success ladder—like diligence, resourcefulness, and a no-excuses mentality—might also keep you from fully enjoying the view once you get to the top.
The good news is that recognizing this dynamic is half the battle. If you see yourself in any of these five points, don’t beat yourself up.
Instead, take small steps to rewrite those mental scripts. Start by allowing yourself some guilt-free downtime.
Surround yourself with people who believe that success doesn’t have to be synonymous with endless hustle.
Practice gratitude (not the forced, corny stuff—but real gratitude, for the things you’ve worked hard to achieve).
And most importantly, remind yourself that having fun or splurging occasionally is not a betrayal of your upbringing, but a testament to how far you’ve come.
After all, isn’t genuine joy part of the reason we chase success in the first place?
Until next time, friends.
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