People who feel guilt around spending money often learned these 7 lessons in childhood

Have you ever felt a pang of guilt while splurging on something you’ve been eyeing for ages?

Or perhaps you get that sinking feeling in your stomach every time you swipe your credit card? You’re not alone.

Interestingly, this guilt doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It can often be traced back to lessons we learned during our formative years.

Let’s dive deep into this.

In many cases, people who experience guilt around spending money have had certain experiences in childhood that have shaped their attitudes towards financial matters.

In this article, we’re going to explore seven such lessons that could be the source of your money-related anxiety.

Remember, understanding where these feelings stem from is the first step towards overcoming them and creating a healthier relationship with your finances.

So, if you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I feel so guilty when I spend money?” then keep reading. You might just find the answers you’ve been looking for.

Here’s to empowering ourselves with deeper self-awareness and building a stronger future—both personally and financially!

1) Money is scarce

One of the most common lessons ingrained in us during childhood is the idea that money is a scarce resource.

Perhaps you grew up in a household where your parents were constantly worrying about the bills, or maybe they had to work multiple jobs just to make ends meet.

These experiences tend to instill a deep-rooted belief that money is hard to come by and, as a result, should be conserved at all costs.

This scarcity mindset can carry over into adulthood, translating into feelings of guilt when you consider spending money on something that isn’t strictly necessary.

The key here is to recognize this mindset for what it is: a learned behavior, not an absolute truth.

After all, while it’s important to be responsible with your finances, it’s equally important to remember that money is a tool—one that’s meant to be used and enjoyed, not just hoarded away.

2) Money equals security

Growing up, my parents always emphasized the importance of saving money. They equated having a healthy bank balance with security and peace of mind.

I remember my father keeping a tight grip on the family budget and putting every spare penny into his savings account. This gave him a sense of control, a buffer against unexpected expenses or potential job loss.

Naturally, this lesson stuck with me. As an adult, I found myself mirroring my father’s behavior—saving obsessively and feeling guilty whenever I spent money on anything beyond the bare necessities.

But over time, I’ve come to realize that while saving is important, it’s also necessary to strike a balance.

Money can indeed provide security, but it’s not the only form of security. Relationships, skills, and experiences can be just as valuable, if not more so.

So now, I strive to find that middle ground—saving for a rainy day while also allowing myself to enjoy the fruits of my labor without guilt.

3) The value of a dollar

I’ll never forget the day my mother took me to the grocery store for a lesson in real-world economics. I was probably around seven or eight, and I’d been nagging her for this fancy toy I’d seen on TV.

“We can’t afford that,” she’d said, but I was relentless.

Finally, she took me to the store and handed me a $5 bill. “Here,” she said, “see how much food this can buy.”

It was a sobering experience. I could barely fill a small basket with essentials—bread, milk, some fruit. That fancy toy suddenly seemed extravagantly expensive.

That day, I learned that money had to be earned and that it had real value. It wasn’t just about buying things—it was about choices and sacrifices.

And you know what? That lesson stuck with me. Even now, as an adult, every time I’m about to purchase something, I find myself calculating its worth in loaves of bread or gallons of milk.

Sometimes, this mindset can tip over into guilt, especially when I’m considering a luxury purchase. But it also helps me keep my spending in check and appreciate the value of hard-earned money.

4) Money is a source of power

Some of us might have been raised in households where money was used as a means of control or power.

Parents could reward good behavior with financial gifts or withhold money as a form of punishment. This association between money and power can be deeply ingrained, leading to a distorted view of finances.

As adults, we might feel guilty for spending money on ourselves because it feels like we are losing some of that power or control. We might fear that spending will lead to a loss of financial independence or security.

The key to overcoming this is recognizing the unhealthy patterns we’ve learned and understanding that money, while important, should not dictate our self-worth or personal freedom.

It’s okay to spend on things that bring us joy or enhance our lives—as long as we’re doing it responsibly and within our means.

5) Money is a taboo topic

In many cultures and households, discussing money is considered impolite or taboo. This can create a sense of mystery or even fear around finances.

Psychologists have found that attitudes towards money are often formed by the age of seven. If during those early years, money was a forbidden topic, it’s no surprise that those feelings of unease could linger into adulthood.

As a result, we might feel guilty or uncomfortable spending money because we’ve never learned how to have an open, healthy conversation about it.

Breaking this cycle starts with education and open dialogue. By learning more about financial management and discussing money matters openly, we can replace guilt and fear with confidence and knowledge.

6) Money can’t buy happiness

It’s a message we’ve all heard, often from well-meaning parents or teachers: “Money can’t buy happiness.”

While it’s true that money isn’t the key to happiness, it’s important to remember that it’s not the enemy of happiness either.

If you were taught that only superficial or materialistic people care about money, you might find yourself feeling guilty whenever you want to make a purchase—regardless of whether it’s a necessity or a treat.

It’s okay to want to be financially comfortable. It’s okay to spend your hard-earned money on things you enjoy. You’re not superficial or materialistic for wanting to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

So, let’s give ourselves permission to find joy in our purchases, big or small, without feeling guilty about it. After all, life is meant to be lived and enjoyed—not just endured!

7) Money is a reflection of personal worth

One of the most damaging lessons we can learn as children is that our worth is tied to our wealth.

If you were taught that your value as a person is determined by how much money you have, it’s understandable that you might feel guilty about spending it.

After all, in this mindset, every dollar spent is a piece of your self-worth being diminished.

But here’s the truth: your worth is not defined by your bank account. You are invaluable—no amount of money can measure your kindness, your resilience, your creativity, or the unique perspective you bring to the world.

So don’t let guilt over spending money hold you back from living a full and meaningful life. Your worth is inherent, and no purchase—big or small—can change that.

Your financial journey

If you find yourself nodding along to these lessons, know that you’re not alone. Many of us carry these childhood money lessons into adulthood.

But here’s a ray of hope – your past doesn’t have to dictate your financial future.

With self-awareness, you can begin to understand why you feel guilty when spending money. And once you understand, you can start to unwind these ingrained habits and beliefs.

Begin by noticing when and why you feel guilty about spending money. Is it because you equate money with security? Or is it because you were always told that money is scarce?

Once you identify these triggers, you can start to challenge them. Ask yourself, is this belief serving me? Or is it holding me back from fully enjoying my life and my finances?

Remember, change takes time and patience. There may be setbacks along the way, but each step forward, no matter how small, is a victory worth celebrating.

So be gentle with yourself on this journey towards a healthier relationship with money. You’re not just unlearning years of conditioning; you’re also redefining what financial freedom means to you.

And remember: Your worth is not defined by your bank balance, but by who you are as a person. Money is just a tool—it can’t measure the richness of your character or the depth of your experiences.

Embrace this truth, and let it guide you towards a future where spending money brings joy, not guilt.