Have you ever walked out of a meeting, gathering, or coffee catch-up with a nagging feeling that something was off? Maybe someone’s words sounded polite enough, but there was an undercurrent of negativity floating in the air.
In my experience both as an entrepreneur and now as a writer, I’ve learned that not everyone who appears friendly is actually on your side.
Sometimes, people might harbor negative feelings toward you but try to keep those emotions under wraps—making it challenging to understand what’s really going on.
During my early years in business, I put a lot of effort into reading people’s reactions. I was once pitching an idea to a potential investor who smiled politely the entire time.
When I finished, he said all the right things—but that smile never reached his eyes. He never outright said he disliked the project or disliked me personally.
But everything about his behavior told me he wasn’t interested in seeing me succeed. After a few more such encounters, I started picking up on the subtle signals.
In this article, I’ll share eight behaviors that typically indicate someone may not like you, even if they’re doing their best to disguise it.
The good news is that recognizing these cues gives you power: You can either address the tension, adjust your approach, or simply be prepared for less-than-friendly attitudes without it catching you off guard.
Let’s dive in.
1. Their Smile Looks Forced or Never Reaches Their Eyes
A genuine smile engages the eyes. You’ll see the corners of their eyes crinkle or their face light up in a natural way. A forced smile, on the other hand, often feels stiff, with little warmth. If you notice someone offering you smiles that seem more rehearsed than genuine, it could be a sign of hidden dislike.
When I started hiring people for my first startup, I could easily sense which candidates were genuinely enthusiastic and which were just going through the motions.
The best candidates wore authentic expressions that mirrored their excitement about the role.
Others wore polite smiles, but the energy just wasn’t there. Of course, a forced smile doesn’t always mean they dislike you—it could be nerves, for instance—but it’s definitely one of the red flags to keep in mind.
2. They Give You “Compliments” That Feel Like Hidden Jabs
Have you ever received a compliment that left you feeling worse rather than better? Something like, “Wow, you’re so confident for someone with your background,” or, “I wish I had the freedom to wear something like that!” These remarks aren’t true compliments; they’re passive-aggressive comments disguised as praise.
People who don’t like you sometimes do this to mask their real feelings or to subtly undermine you. If you often get these backhanded compliments from someone, it might mean they harbor negative feelings but aren’t willing to come out and say it directly.
A practical tip: Try to respond with positive energy, like, “I appreciate your compliment,” and see how they react. If they look uncomfortable or try to backtrack, that’s a sign they didn’t intend for you to take their words at face value.
3. Their Body Language Shuts You Out
Body language can be incredibly revealing, even when someone’s words are polite. Look for signs such as crossed arms, a rigid posture, or turning their feet away from you. These subtle movements often indicate that a person is physically and mentally closed off.
I remember walking into a small networking event full of seasoned tech entrepreneurs. Early in my career, I often felt out of place—like a rookie in a room full of experts. One particular entrepreneur I tried chatting with kept shifting his stance. His feet pointed away from me while his body language screamed, “I’d rather be anywhere else.” He was polite enough, yet everything about his posture let me know he was disinterested and possibly annoyed.
Pay attention to these cues. They can tell you a lot about how someone truly feels, whether or not they’re trying to hide it.
4. They Offer the Bare Minimum in Conversation
Conversations flow more smoothly when both people are engaged. If you find that you’re the one asking all the questions and getting brief, one-word answers in return, there’s a chance the other person either dislikes you or is just not interested in connecting.
Of course, some folks are naturally quiet, so you can’t assume dislike right away. But if you notice that they’re more talkative with others, yet they clam up whenever you start a conversation, that’s a clue they might not be your biggest fan.
A small example: I had a colleague who would chat up a storm with nearly everyone else in the office. But whenever I approached, I was met with a stiff “Yes,” “No,” or “Hmm.” It was frustrating at the time, but I realized it wasn’t worth stressing over someone who had already decided they didn’t vibe with me.
5. They Avoid Eye Contact When It Matters
Eye contact is one of the most powerful ways we connect. When we like or respect someone, we usually make direct eye contact during conversations. If someone frequently averts their gaze, especially at key moments—like when you’re discussing an important topic or sharing your achievements—it might signal discomfort or hidden hostility.
I once gave a presentation to a partner who simply wouldn’t look at me the entire time. At first, I thought maybe he was shy. Then, I noticed him eagerly making eye contact with my team members but never directly with me. Turns out, he had serious reservations about partnering with my company and, I suspect, wasn’t exactly fond of me. He eventually backed out of the deal with vague reasons, confirming my suspicions.
Eye contact can be cultural, so keep context in mind. Still, if someone consistently avoids looking you in the eye while being perfectly comfortable looking at others, that’s a strong indicator something is up.
6. They Subtly Exclude You from Group Activities
Group activities at work, in classes, or among friends can show who truly feels comfortable around you. If you constantly notice you’re being left off group emails, casual lunches, or after-work gatherings, it might not be an accident. This exclusion is often a covert way of expressing dislike without having to say anything outright.
During my startup days, there was a weekly “brainstorm coffee break.” Everyone was invited except me. Initially, I assumed it was just an oversight. But as the pattern continued, I realized that certain individuals weren’t as supportive of my leadership as I thought. They used those coffee breaks to discuss company matters in a way that excluded my input.
If you find yourself frequently out of the loop, it could be a subtle sign that someone—maybe multiple people—would prefer to keep you at a distance.
7. Their Tone Is Polite but Their Words Are Loaded
Sometimes, the mismatch between tone of voice and choice of words is very telling. The person might speak sweetly, but there’s an undercurrent of sarcasm or negativity. They’ll say things like, “Oh, you’re actually going to try that strategy? Good luck with that,” in a friendly tone. In reality, they’re subtly putting you down or hoping you fail.
The tension between the upbeat voice and the negative message can be jarring. It’s their way of maintaining the appearance of politeness while getting in those digs. If this happens repeatedly—especially in front of other people—know that it’s a strategy to undermine you without drawing too much attention to their actual motive.
8. They Find Small Ways to Undermine You
When someone dislikes you but doesn’t want to be direct, they might try small, consistent acts of sabotage—like “forgetting” to pass along important messages or giving you incorrect deadlines or details. It’s subtle enough to be shrugged off as an honest mistake, yet it keeps you on the losing end.
In my own journey, a team member once kept sending me spreadsheets filled with errors. I tried to address it politely, but he claimed he was simply overworked. Over time, I noticed he never made mistakes with anyone else’s data. It was always my spreadsheets that came back faulty. Looking back, I realize he wasn’t on board with some of my ideas and possibly resented my leadership style.
If these small missteps pile up and you notice a pattern, it might be more than coincidence.
What to Do Once You Notice These Behaviors
It’s tempting to confront someone aggressively or jump to conclusions when you spot these signs. But keep in mind, people are complex. Sometimes they’re dealing with personal stress, low self-esteem, or other issues that color how they interact with you.
Still, if you consistently see multiple indicators—like forced smiles, one-word replies, or subtle sabotage—the issue might be genuine dislike. Here’s what you can do:
- Stay Composed: Reacting with anger only escalates tension. A calm demeanor gives you a better chance of handling the situation maturely.
- Address It Directly: If this is someone you regularly interact with—like a colleague or a peer—consider having a private conversation. A simple “Hey, I feel like there’s been some distance lately. Is everything okay?” can open doors to clearer communication.
- Adjust Your Expectations: Sometimes, not everyone has to like you, and that’s okay. Focus on the people who value your presence and efforts.
- Document Potential Undermining: In professional settings, keep records of mistakes or oversights that affect your work. It could be useful if the situation escalates.
- Set Boundaries: You can be polite without letting someone’s negativity consume your energy. If their behavior continues, limit your interactions when possible.
My Takeaway from Entrepreneurial Life
Over the years, I’ve realized that no matter how hard you try, you can’t please everyone. It’s one of those lessons that has stuck with me since my startup days. There were always going to be people who disliked my approach or my personality, yet didn’t have the courage—or the courtesy—to tell me directly.
By paying attention to subtle behaviors, you can protect your own emotional well-being and respond more strategically. Instead of internalizing their negativity or forcing a friendship that isn’t meant to be, you can save your energy for relationships that actually uplift and inspire you.
And that, in my view, is the hallmark of resilience—knowing where to invest your emotions and understanding when someone’s animosity is truly their problem, not yours.
Final Thoughts
Dislike doesn’t always show up with glaring conflict or dramatic arguments. Often, it’s hidden behind pleasant words, half-smiles, and polite conversations. Learning to spot these eight subtle indicators can help you navigate personal and professional relationships more confidently.
At the end of the day, no matter how friendly or professional you try to be, some people just won’t click with you. Recognize it, address it if needed, and most importantly—don’t let hidden negativity derail your self-confidence. Keep doing your best, set healthy boundaries, and trust your instincts.
From my perspective, as someone who’s been both in the trenches of starting a business and now writing full-time, the real measure of success isn’t about getting everyone to like you. It’s about staying true to yourself, honing your craft, and building authentic connections. And when you do, the people who do appreciate you will gravitate toward you—no subtle hostility required.
Remember: your time and energy are valuable. Spend them wisely on people who truly have your back, instead of trying to unravel the mystery of those who just might not. In the long run, focusing on genuine connections is far more rewarding than chasing approval where it’s never going to be freely given.
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