8 things you should always keep to yourself, according to Stoic philosophy

Stoic philosophy isn’t just an old-school approach to life reserved for people in togas gazing thoughtfully at the stars. It’s a way of thinking that has stood the test of time because it offers practical, grounded advice for dealing with the highs and lows we all face—whether we’re philosophers in ancient Rome or entrepreneurs hustling to grow a business in the 21st century.

I’m Ethan Sterling. Over the years, I’ve launched and managed several small businesses. Entrepreneurship has taught me a lot about resilience, self-control, and the importance of keeping my emotions in check. There’s a direct connection between what I’ve learned in the business world and what Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus taught centuries ago. Stoicism reminds us that while we can’t control everything that happens, we can control how we respond—and that often involves knowing what to keep to ourselves.

In today’s age of social media and oversharing, boundaries can blur, and it’s easy to broadcast every win, every loss, and every messy thought to the whole world. But Stoicism suggests a more measured approach. Below, I’ll walk you through eight things you should always keep to yourself, or at least be very cautious about revealing. Backed up by some timeless Stoic wisdom, these insights could help you protect your peace of mind, maintain your dignity, and ultimately live a more centered and meaningful life.

1. Your Immediate Emotional Reactions

Why keep them private?
We’ve all had that moment when something frustrates us—whether it’s an employee missing a deadline or a friend making a careless remark—and we feel that immediate surge of anger or disappointment. In the heat of the moment, you might want to snap back or lash out. Stoic philosophy teaches us that these knee-jerk reactions are often misguided because they come from the most impulsive parts of our minds.

Stoic wisdom
Marcus Aurelius wrote in Meditations, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” Your initial reaction usually isn’t something you want to present to the world. Instead, pause, take a breath, and then respond in a calmer, more rational way. This practice of pausing helps you avoid regrets and maintain respect—from yourself and from others.

How to practice

• The next time you feel anger boiling up, count to five (or ten) before you say anything.

• Ask yourself: “Will I be proud of this reaction tomorrow?”

• By giving yourself space, you prevent a heated, off-the-cuff response that you’ll have to walk back later.

2. Your Deepest Fears and Doubts

Why keep them private?
We all have fears—fear of failure, fear of being judged, fear of losing what we’ve built. While sharing them with a trusted mentor or therapist is healthy, broadcasting your deepest insecurities to everyone can make you more vulnerable than you might intend. Stoicism doesn’t suggest you bottle things up in an unhealthy way; rather, it advises caution and discernment about who you trust with your private anxieties.

Stoic wisdom
Epictetus famously said, “Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.” Much of what we fear never comes to pass, and the more you ruminate publicly about your anxieties, the more power you give them—and the more you might invite unhelpful opinions or even exploitation.

How to practice

• Find a small, supportive circle—maybe a close friend, a mentor, or a therapist—where you can talk openly about your concerns.

• If you don’t trust someone, don’t confide your biggest fears in them.

• Use journaling as a way to process these doubts privately.

3. Your Every Ambition and Future Plan

Why keep them private?
We live in a world where telling people you’re “about to start a new project” or “thinking about this big idea” feels almost as good as actually doing it. But there’s a Stoic principle that says it’s best to show by doing, not just by talking. Besides, announcing your plans too early can invite unwanted pressure and opinions that might distract you from your goal.

Stoic wisdom
Epictetus put it simply: “Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.” That means you don’t need to broadcast every next move or ambition. Let your actions and results speak for themselves, rather than giving others the chance to derail you with skepticism or negativity.

How to practice

• Resist the urge to overshare your next big plan on social media.

• Work behind the scenes until you have meaningful progress (or results) to show.

• Remember that your energy is better spent taking action than seeking validation.

4. Your Harsher Judgments of Others

Why keep them private?
Judging other people—coworkers, family members, or even complete strangers—is tempting. But while open, respectful feedback can be helpful, harsh judgments often stem from frustration, envy, or misunderstanding. Stoics remind us that we rarely know the full story of another person’s circumstances.

Stoic wisdom
From Marcus Aurelius again: “Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?” This quote underscores a simple truth: By recognizing our own flaws, we can approach others with more compassion and less judgmental talk.

How to practice

• If you catch yourself about to criticize someone, pause and consider whether you’re projecting your own insecurities.

• Try to approach the situation with curiosity rather than condemnation. Ask questions or offer help instead of harsh opinions.

• When feedback is needed, deliver it privately and with empathy.

5. The Secrets Entrusted to You

Why keep them private?
When someone confides in you—be it a colleague, a friend, or a family member—they’re extending trust. Leaking or sharing their secrets (even casually) isn’t just a breach of privacy; it erodes your own integrity. Stoicism emphasizes personal virtue, and part of living virtuously is being reliable and honorable in your relationships.

Stoic wisdom
Seneca, in Moral Letters to Lucilius, wrote extensively about loyalty and friendship. While not an exact single-sentence quote, his letters emphasize the importance of being consistent and trustworthy—of valuing your personal honor above momentary gains or gossipy thrills.

How to practice

• When someone shares something in confidence, make a mental or written note: “Do not share.”

• If you’re in doubt about whether something is confidential, err on the side of caution.

• Remember that by protecting others’ privacy, you also cultivate a reputation for integrity and loyalty.

6. Unnecessary Boasting About Achievements

Why keep them private?
Pride can be a double-edged sword. Yes, it’s important to celebrate your accomplishments—especially in a tough world where we rarely give ourselves enough credit. But constant boasting can come off as insecurity or attention-seeking, and it can alienate the people around you. Stoicism teaches humility, reminding us that we are all in this journey together.

Stoic wisdom
In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius often reflects on the fleeting nature of worldly success and reputation. To paraphrase his thoughts: achievements are temporary, and the pride you feel will vanish as quickly as applause. What matters more is your character in the moment.

How to practice

• It’s fine to share good news when it’s appropriate—like in a professional update or a personal catch-up. But avoid one-upping others or bragging for validation.

• Reflect on whether you’re sharing because you’re genuinely excited or because you want external approval.

• Keep in mind that the strongest validation comes from within, not from the cheers of the crowd.

7. Resentments and Grudges

Why keep them private?
Holding onto resentments is like keeping a fire burning in your mind—only you end up getting burned. Stoic philosophy is all about focusing on what you can control, and dwelling on past hurts is the opposite of that. By continuously rehashing grievances—especially publicly—you trap yourself in negative cycles and risk damaging your relationships further.

Stoic wisdom
Seneca wrote, “How much better to heal than seek revenge from injury. Vengeance wastes a lot of time and exposes the sore and increases the pain.” This idea perfectly encapsulates the Stoic view: it’s more beneficial to your peace of mind to let go of what harms you than to cling to it in hopes of some future redemption.

How to practice

• If someone has wronged you, consider addressing it directly and calmly if that’s feasible, or simply let it go if it’s out of your control.

• Journaling can help you process grudges privately, rather than letting them fester in your conversations.

• Focus on the present and the future. What’s done is done, and your choice now is how you move on.

8. Personal Sacrifices and Generosities

Why keep them private?
Generosity is wonderful—but if you’re giving your time or resources just so you can tell everyone about it, it might undermine the true spirit of kindness. Stoicism values virtue for its own sake, not for the external praise that might come with it.

Stoic wisdom
Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Do not act as if you had ten thousand years to live… While you live, while it is in your power, be good.” Notice he doesn’t say, “Be good so that everyone will applaud you.” True goodness is its own reward. When you give or sacrifice for others, do it because it’s the right thing to do, not because you want a pat on the back.

How to practice

• Next time you donate to charity or help a friend, do it without announcing it to the world.

• Reflect on how good it feels internally to help, rather than seeking external praise.

• If you notice you’re craving recognition, gently redirect your attention to the intrinsic value of your actions.

Bringing It All Together

Stoicism is often summarized by its emphasis on controlling what’s within your power—your own thoughts, actions, and attitudes—while calmly accepting what lies outside your control. Sharing less of yourself might seem counterintuitive in a world that encourages us to “live out loud” and “be authentic.” But there’s a difference between healthy self-expression and oversharing things that can harm your peace and productivity.

Even as an entrepreneur, I’ve found that keeping certain things private is beneficial for my mental well-being and my professional relationships. Whether it’s a new business idea I’m developing, a potential partnership still in the works, or a personal insecurity I’m grappling with, not everything needs to be spotlighted. This doesn’t mean you have to isolate yourself or hide your real feelings. Instead, it means practicing discernment—knowing which parts of your life you should share and which parts might be best kept in your own inner circle.

And here’s the ironic twist: by carefully choosing what to keep to yourself, you often end up with more genuine closeness and trust in your relationships. People appreciate authenticity, but they also respect someone who can maintain boundaries. In business, investors, partners, and clients look for leaders who can stay calm under pressure, act with integrity, and keep confidential matters confidential. In personal life, friends and loved ones value a person who listens more than they speak, and who can be trusted with sensitive information.

The Stoics teach us that a well-led life is a balanced one—where we speak and act from a place of wisdom rather than impulse, and where we develop the courage to hold back what isn’t helpful to share. By keeping these eight areas private or more discreet, you might discover that you feel more in control of your life, more at peace with your thoughts, and more deliberate in your actions.

So the next time you’re tempted to vent your raw anger online, share every detail of your newest idea, or brag about your latest accomplishment to the world—pause and reflect. Think about whether sharing will genuinely add value to your life or the lives of others. And if the answer is no, consider keeping it to yourself, at least for the moment. In the end, the quiet power of discretion can offer a special kind of freedom—one that the Stoics recognized as essential to living a truly fulfilling life.