Kindness and niceness often get lumped together, but there’s a subtle difference between the two, according to psychology.
Being ‘nice’ is like a social obligation, where we put on a pleasant front to make others comfortable. But being ‘kind’ reflects a deeper level of empathy and compassion that really sets us apart.
In this article, I’m going to share seven subtle ways kind people differ from those who are just ‘nice.’
These insights might even help you better connect with your peers, clients, or team members, fostering a healthier, more empathetic business environment.
So let’s dive in and start distinguishing between true kindness and mere niceness.
1) Kind people practice active empathy
Active empathy is a crucial distinguishing factor between kindness and mere niceness.
Nice people tend to sympathize, they might feel sorry for someone else’s plight. But kind people go a step further. They empathize, they put themselves in other’s shoes and strive to understand their feelings.
This difference might seem subtle, but it has profound implications in our interactions.
Empathy allows us to connect more deeply with others, fostering stronger and more genuine relationships. This quality can be particularly beneficial in business, allowing us to better understand our customers, employees, or partners.
As the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”
This is the essence of empathy – and kind people excel at it.
2) Kind people are not afraid to show vulnerability
There’s something incredibly empowering about showing vulnerability. It’s a trait that kind individuals often display, but people who are merely ‘nice’ may shy away from.
Years ago, I was working on a project that was proving to be quite challenging. There were multiple obstacles and it felt like we were always firefighting.
One day, in a team meeting, I decided to open up about my struggles and anxieties. It was an uncomfortable moment, to say the least. But to my surprise, it was met with nods of understanding and words of encouragement.
I had shown my vulnerability, and it made the team feel more connected. We started working together more effectively, and eventually, we overcame the challenges of the project.
This mirrors what renowned psychologist Brené Brown asserts: “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”
Kindness isn’t just about doing good to others; it’s also about letting others see the real, imperfect you. And that can create a more authentic connection with those around you.
3) Kind people genuinely care about others’ well-being
Have you ever noticed how kind people seem to radiate a genuine concern for others’ well-being?
This isn’t just an act of politeness or social courtesy. It’s a deep-rooted desire to make a positive impact on someone else’s life. It’s the willingness to put others’ needs before their own, even when no one is watching.
One winter evening, I noticed an elderly homeless man near my office. The sight was heart-wrenching. Instead of just walking by, I felt compelled to do something.
I bought him a warm meal and spent some time talking to him. The gratitude in his eyes was something I’ll never forget.
Famed psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “The good or healthy society would then be defined as one that permitted people’s highest purposes to emerge by satisfying all their basic needs.”
Kind people, who genuinely care about others’ well-being, contribute to creating such a society.
This genuine concern for others is a hallmark of kindness and sets truly kind people apart from those who are merely ‘nice’.
4) Kind people forgive and forget
Unlike those who are merely nice, kind people have a remarkable ability to forgive and forget. They understand that we’re all human, we all make mistakes, and they don’t hold those mistakes against others.
A study conducted by the University of Miami found that individuals who showed acts of kindness were more likely to forgive others. These individuals valued relationships over grudges and believed in the power of second chances.
I remember once having a heated argument with a colleague over a project. Harsh words were exchanged, and for a time, our relationship soured.
But one day, he approached me, apologized for his part in the disagreement, and offered to start fresh.
That was an act of kindness. He was willing to forgive and move forward, valuing our working relationship over past grudges.
Not only did this mend our professional relationship, but it also taught me a valuable lesson about the power of forgiveness.
So remember, kind people don’t just react nicely; they act with understanding and forgiveness, creating a more harmonious environment around them.
5) Kind people are selfless
One of the most defining characteristics of kind people, setting them apart from those who are just ‘nice,’ is their selflessness. They genuinely enjoy helping others, expecting nothing in return.
I have a friend who is the embodiment of this quality. She volunteers at a local homeless shelter and helps anyone she can, whenever she can.
She does it not because she has to, but because she wants to. It’s her way of making the world a little bit better.
This selfless behavior aligns with a quote by famous psychologist Erich Fromm. He said, “Giving is more joyous than receiving, not because it is a deprivation, but because in the act of giving lies the expression of my aliveness.”
Being selfless – giving without expecting anything in return – is a testament to one’s kindness. It’s about feeling fulfilled and alive in helping others, which goes beyond just being ‘nice.’
6) Kind people set boundaries
Contrary to popular belief, being kind doesn’t mean always saying ‘yes.’ Kind individuals understand the importance of setting boundaries and saying ‘no’ when necessary.
It might seem counterintuitive, but maintaining personal boundaries is a form of self-kindness that allows us to help others more effectively.
A renowned psychologist, Dr. Henry Cloud, once said, “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.”
In the context of kindness, this means recognizing when our generosity is causing us more harm than good, and having the courage to do something about it.
I learned this lesson in my early career when I would always go the extra mile at work, often at the expense of my own health and well-being.
Over time, this led to burnout. I realized then that to continue being kind to others, I first needed to be kind to myself.
Setting healthy boundaries isn’t a sign of selfishness; it’s a sign of self-respect. And it’s what differentiates truly kind people from those who are just ‘nice.’
7) Kind people are authentic
Kindness and authenticity go hand in hand. Kind people are true to themselves and others. They don’t put on a façade of niceness; their actions stem from a genuine place of empathy and compassion.
Psychologist Carl Jung sums this up perfectly: “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
Kind people embrace this privilege, living authentically and inspiring others to do the same.
There you have it – authenticity, a subtle yet significant way kind people differ from those who are merely ‘nice.’
Final thoughts
The subtleties of human behavior are fascinating, aren’t they? The difference between being ‘nice’ and being truly ‘kind’ can seem negligible on the surface, but as we’ve explored, it carries profound significance.
Kindness goes beyond polite smiles and courteous gestures. It’s about authenticity, empathy, selflessness, and even the courage to set boundaries. It’s a deeper level of connection that values people for who they are, not just what they can offer.
So the next time you encounter a situation where you have the opportunity to be ‘nice,’ consider going a step further. Embrace the traits of true kindness.
Not only will it make a difference in the lives of others, but it will also elevate your own experience of human connection.
After all, isn’t that what we’re all here for – to connect, understand, and lift each other up? And what better way to do it than through genuine kindness.
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