Navigating conversations can be tricky, especially when you’re dealing with a narcissist. These individuals have a knack for subtly steering the discussion back to themselves, often leaving you feel unheard or sidelined.
According to psychology, narcissists use certain phrases that allow them to redirect the conversation with finesse. These phrases aren’t just about hogging the spotlight; they are strategic tools used to dominate exchanges and control dynamics.
Unpacking these subtle phrases can be your secret weapon in managing interactions with narcissists.
Understanding them can not only help you recognize when you’re being manipulated, but also empower you to steer the conversation in a more balanced direction.
So, let’s delve into the “7 subtle phrases narcissists use to direct the conversation back to them”, and equip you with the knowledge to navigate these conversations more effectively.
1) “Enough about you, let’s talk about me”
Narcissists are notorious for their self-obsession, a trait that often manifests itself in conversations.
Regardless of the topic at hand, they have a subtle way of steering the dialogue back towards themselves. A common phrase used in such instances is, “Enough about you, let’s talk about me”.
At first glance, it may seem like light-hearted banter, but it’s part of a calculated strategy to dominate the conversation. By injecting themselves as the main subject, they ensure the spotlight remains firmly on them.
This phrase is often used when they feel that the discussion isn’t focusing enough on their accomplishments, opinions or experiences. It’s a clever deflection tactic that effectively shifts the attention back to them.
Being aware of this phrase can help you identify when a narcissist is trying to take control of the conversation. Once recognized, you can then tactfully steer the dialogue towards a more balanced exchange.
Remember, it’s not just about tolerating a narcissist’s self-centeredness but also about asserting your right to be heard.
2) “That reminds me of the time when…”
This phrase is often dropped into the conversation when they feel the topic straying away from them.
Let me share a personal experience to illustrate this point. I was once catching up with a friend who I hadn’t seen in a while. During our chat, I started sharing about a recent vacation I had taken.
Just as I was detailing my adventurous hike through a beautiful national park, my friend interrupted with, “That reminds me of the time when I climbed Mount Everest.”
Suddenly, my story was overshadowed, and the focus was back on my friend and his impressive feat.
At first, I didn’t recognize what had happened. It seemed like a natural segue from one story to another. However, as this pattern repeated throughout our conversation, it became clear that this wasn’t just friendly banter.
This phrase is essentially used as a tool to refocus conversations back to their experiences or achievements. Recognizing this tactic can help you maintain an equal footing in your interactions with narcissists.
3) “I can’t believe you didn’t know that…”
Narcissists have a way of subtly undermining others to elevate themselves in conversations. A common phrase they use to do this is, “I can’t believe you didn’t know that…”.
This phrase effectively serves two purposes. First, it allows the narcissist to demonstrate their knowledge or superiority. Second, it subtly puts the other person down for not knowing something that the narcissist perceives as common knowledge.
In the world of psychology, this tactic is known as ‘gaslighting‘. It’s a manipulative technique used to make someone question their own perception, memory or even sanity.
The end goal is to create a power dynamic where the narcissist is seen as the more knowledgeable or competent party.
Recognizing this phrase can help you identify when you’re being gaslighted. Armed with this knowledge, you can take steps to counteract this manipulative technique and maintain your self-esteem during such interactions.
4) “I don’t want to brag, but…”
One of the hallmark traits of narcissists is their need to constantly showcase their achievements. This often comes in the form of subtle self-praise disguised as humility. The phrase they often use is, “I don’t want to brag, but…”.
In essence, this phrase serves as a disclaimer before the narcissist launches into a story about their own accomplishments. They’re attempting to sidestep appearing boastful while still ensuring the conversation revolves around them.
Ironically, despite claiming they don’t want to brag, that’s exactly what they’re about to do. It’s a crafty way to draw attention to themselves without appearing overly self-absorbed.
Knowing this phrase can help you identify when a narcissist is trying to dominate the conversation with tales of their own prowess. By recognizing this tactic, you can better manage your interactions with them and keep the exchange balanced.
5) “No one understands me like you do”
This phrase, “No one understands me like you do”, is a particularly clever tool in the narcissist’s toolkit. It’s designed to make you feel special and valued, but there’s a hidden agenda behind it.
I recall a time when someone I knew used this phrase repeatedly. At first, it felt like a compliment and I was flattered. However, with time, it became clear that this statement was not really about valuing my understanding or insight.
Instead, it was a ploy to ensure that I remained invested in the relationship and continued to give them the attention they craved.
This phrase is often used by narcissists to create an artificial bond. It makes you feel like you’re part of their inner circle, and thus more likely to focus your attention on them.
By recognizing this phrase for what it is, you can better protect yourself from being manipulated into feeding their need for attention.
6) “I’m not usually like this”
Narcissists are experts at portraying themselves in a good light, and the phrase “I’m not usually like this” is one they often use to maintain that image.
This phrase is typically used when a narcissist’s behavior has been less than ideal. It’s a way of distancing themselves from any actions or words that may tarnish their carefully crafted persona.
Essentially, it’s their attempt to dismiss any unfavorable behavior as an anomaly rather than a reflection of their true character. It prevents them from taking responsibility for their actions and maintains the illusion of their superiority.
By recognizing this phrase, you can maintain a clearer understanding of a narcissist’s true nature, regardless of how they choose to portray themselves.
It can also help you hold them accountable for their actions, rather than allowing them to brush off responsibility.
7) “You’re too sensitive”
Arguably the most damaging phrase in a narcissist’s arsenal is, “You’re too sensitive”. This statement is not just a way to divert the conversation back to them, but it’s also a form of emotional manipulation.
When a narcissist uses this phrase, it’s usually in response to you expressing discontent or discomfort about something they’ve said or done. Instead of acknowledging their behavior and apologizing, they turn it around and make it about your reaction.
This tactic invalidates your feelings and shifts the blame onto you, making you question your own emotions and reactions. It’s a powerful form of gaslighting that can lead to self-doubt and reduced self-esteem.
If you hear this phrase, it’s crucial to remember that your feelings are valid. Don’t let anyone, narcissist or otherwise, convince you otherwise. Stand your ground and trust your emotions.
Final thoughts: Empathy over ego
In the realm of human interaction, understanding and empathy often serve as powerful tools.
Narcissism, characterized by excessive self-interest and a lack of empathy, can be challenging to navigate. But recognizing the subtle phrases narcissists use to steer conversations can help us maintain balance and mutual respect in our dialogues.
The phrases we’ve discussed aren’t just about maintaining conversational control; they represent a deeper issue. They are indicative of a narcissist’s need for constant validation and attention, often at the expense of others.
As we interact with people across our personal and professional lives, it’s essential to remember that every conversation should be a two-way street. Empathy, understanding, and respect should always overshadow ego.
If you encounter these phrases in your conversations, remember that your voice matters too. Stand firm, stay aware, and ensure that every dialogue is an exchange—not a monologue.
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