We all know that guy—the one who means well but somehow always manages to rub people the wrong way. Maybe he’s a little too blunt, a little too eager to prove a point, or just doesn’t realize how his words are landing.
The truth is, social awkwardness isn’t just about being quiet in a crowd—it can also show up in the way we speak without even realizing it.
The problem? Some phrases that feel totally normal to say can actually come across as obnoxious, off-putting, or even arrogant.
And when that happens, it creates unnecessary friction in conversations, whether in business or everyday life.
If you’ve ever felt like people pull away when you talk—or if you’re just curious about what not to say—here are seven phrases socially awkward men use that give off the wrong impression and what to say instead.
1) Actually, …
There’s nothing wrong with correcting someone when it really matters. But when every other sentence starts with “Actually,” it can come across as condescending—even if that’s not the intent.
Socially awkward men often use this word as a way to clarify a point or show they know their stuff. The problem is, it signals that they’re more interested in proving they’re right than in having a conversation.
Most people don’t appreciate being corrected over small details, especially when it doesn’t add much to the discussion.
Instead of jumping in with “Actually,” try asking a question or offering your perspective in a way that invites conversation rather than shutting it down.
2) No offense, but …
I used to think this phrase was a free pass to say whatever was on my mind. If I prefaced a comment with “No offense, but…” it meant the other person couldn’t get mad, right?
Wrong.
I remember once telling a coworker, “No offense, but your presentation was kind of all over the place.” I thought I was offering helpful feedback. Instead, I got a tight-lipped nod and an awkward silence.
That’s when I realized—starting with “No offense” doesn’t soften the blow. It just makes people brace for something rude.
If you have constructive criticism to share, it’s better to be direct but thoughtful. Instead of “No offense, but that didn’t make sense,” try “I see where you’re going with that—maybe adding more structure could help?”
It keeps the conversation open instead of putting people on the defensive.
3) I’m just being honest.
Honesty is important, but using it as a shield for bluntness can make people see you as rude rather than straightforward.
Studies have shown that people value kindness in communication more than pure honesty. In fact, research suggests that when given the choice between hearing the truth in a harsh way or a slightly softened version, most people prefer the latter.
That’s because how something is said matters just as much as what is being said. Saying “I’m just being honest” after a harsh remark doesn’t make it any less hurtful—it just signals that you care more about your own opinion than the other person’s feelings.
A better approach? Be honest, but also be considerate.
Instead of saying, “That idea is terrible, I’m just being honest,” try, “I see some challenges with that idea—maybe we can refine it.” It keeps the conversation productive instead of shutting it down.
4) You should smile more.
Few phrases are as unintentionally irritating as this one. While it might seem like a harmless suggestion, it often comes across as patronizing and dismissive—especially when said to someone who isn’t in the mood to smile.
The problem with telling someone to smile is that it assumes they owe the world a certain expression, regardless of how they actually feel. It can make people feel like their emotions aren’t valid or that their natural demeanor is somehow wrong.
Instead of telling someone to smile, try engaging them in a way that naturally leads to a positive reaction. A genuine compliment, an interesting conversation, or simply respecting their mood goes a lot further than an unsolicited command.
5) Relax, it’s just a joke.
There was a time when I thought humor could smooth over anything.
If someone seemed upset by something I said, I’d quickly follow up with, “Relax, it’s just a joke.” I figured that if I didn’t mean any harm, they shouldn’t take it personally.
But that’s not how it works.
What I didn’t realize was that humor isn’t just about intent—it’s about impact. If a joke makes someone uncomfortable or puts them down, telling them to “relax” only makes it worse. It shifts the blame onto them, as if they’re the problem for not finding it funny.
A better approach? Pay attention to how people react. If a joke doesn’t land well, instead of dismissing their feelings, try acknowledging it: “I didn’t mean for that to come across the wrong way.”
That small shift can make all the difference in how people see you—and how they feel around you.
6) Whatever.
At first glance, “Whatever” seems like a harmless word. But when used in conversation, it often signals frustration, dismissal, or a lack of interest. It’s the verbal equivalent of throwing up your hands and walking away.
The problem is, even if it’s meant to avoid conflict, it usually does the opposite. Saying “Whatever” shuts down discussions and makes the other person feel like their opinion—or even the conversation itself—doesn’t matter. Over time, this can make people less likely to engage with you at all.
Instead of brushing something off with “Whatever,” try expressing what you actually mean. If you’re frustrated, say so.
If you don’t have a strong opinion, say, “I’m good with whatever you think.” Clarity goes a long way in keeping conversations productive and relationships strong.
7) I’m just wired this way.
It’s easy to fall back on this phrase when social interactions don’t go as planned.
If someone calls out an awkward or off-putting comment, saying “I’m just wired this way” can feel like a way to defend yourself. But in reality, it shuts the door on self-improvement.
The truth is, social skills aren’t something you’re either born with or not—they’re learned. No one gets it right 100% of the time, but the people who communicate well are the ones who pay attention, adapt, and keep trying.
Instead of using this phrase as an excuse, try shifting the mindset to: “I’m working on it.” Because the way you communicate isn’t set in stone—it’s something you can always improve.
Bottom line: Words shape perception
The way we communicate doesn’t just affect how others see us—it shapes the opportunities we get, the relationships we build, and the way people respond to us.
Psychologists have long studied the impact of language on perception. Research suggests that even small shifts in phrasing can influence how likable, competent, or trustworthy we appear. What might seem like a casual remark to one person can leave a lasting impression on another.
Social awkwardness isn’t about being quiet or introverted—it’s often about missing these subtle cues in conversation.
But the good news is, communication is a skill, not an innate trait. With awareness and small adjustments, anyone can change the way their words come across—and in turn, change how they connect with others.
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