7 core values you should never compromise for a relationship, according to psychology

For a long time, I thought sacrificing my own values was the key to a successful relationship.

Yeah, you know what I’m talking about:

– Ignoring your own needs
– Overlooking red flags
– Compromising your self-worth
– Suppressing your voice.

All to keep the peace or avoid loneliness.

I’m a self-confessed psychology enthusiast, and I’ve been there. My relationships were a rollercoaster of highs and lows – often more lows than highs.

I used to bend over backward to please my partners, and in doing so, lost sight of who I really was. My life was dictated by the whims of others, leaving me feeling hollow and unsatisfied.

Then I stumbled upon the eye-opening world of psychology and discovered the 7 core values that one should never compromise in a relationship. Suddenly, everything clicked into place.

In this article, I’ll share these invaluable insights with you, hoping they can bring clarity to your personal life just as they did to mine.

Ready to delve into the world of uncompromised values? Let’s begin.

1) Self-respect

It might seem evident, but for years, I overlooked the importance of self-respect in a relationship.

We all have a basic understanding of what it means to respect others, but often, we fail to apply the same standards to ourselves.

In my past relationships, I would often compromise my self-respect to keep the peace. Whether that meant tolerating disrespectful behavior or allowing my boundaries to be crossed, I was always the one to back down.

But diving into the world of psychology taught me that self-respect is non-negotiable in a healthy relationship.

Respecting yourself means valuing your own feelings, thoughts, and needs. It’s about acknowledging your worth and standing up for your rights. When you respect yourself, you set the standard for how others should treat you.

Compromising your self-respect for a relationship might seem like a small sacrifice in the short term, but over time it erodes your sense of self-worth. And trust me, no relationship is worth that cost.

So, here’s your first core value: Never compromise on self-respect. Recognize your worth and don’t settle for anything less in your relationships.

2) Honesty

Honesty has always been a big deal for me, but there was a time when I allowed its importance to be overshadowed in my relationship.

I remember compromising my honesty to keep a past relationship alive. I found myself agreeing with opinions that were not mine, laughing at jokes I didn’t find funny, and even pretending to enjoy hobbies that I had no interest in.

All in an attempt to keep the peace and avoid conflicts.

This, of course, turned out to be a massive mistake. The relationship eventually crumbled under the weight of my dishonesty. And when it did, I wasn’t just heartbroken—I was also confused about who I really was.

It was during this time when a quote from the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers struck me: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Honesty isn’t just about telling the truth to others—it’s also about being true to ourselves. When we are honest with ourselves, we acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses. We accept who we are and where we are in life.

So here’s your second core value: Never compromise on honesty. Be true to who you are.

Remember, any relationship built on dishonesty is destined for failure. Forge your relationships with honesty and see the difference it makes.

3) Independence

In the past, I had a habit of losing myself in relationships.

It’s easy to get swept up in the romance and excitement of a new partner. The dates, the late-night conversations, the feeling of being part of a ‘we’.

But in one particular relationship, my individuality started to blur until I couldn’t tell where I ended and my partner began.

I stopped pursuing my interests and hobbies. My goals took a backseat to our shared plans and dreams. Slowly but surely, my life began to revolve entirely around my partner.

When the relationship ended, I felt lost and without direction. It was like I had forgotten how to be me without them.

That’s when I realized the importance of maintaining my independence, even within a relationship.

Independence isn’t about being alone; it’s about being complete on your own. It’s about having your own interests, ambitions, and friends outside of your relationship. It’s about knowing that you’re enough, with or without a partner.

So here’s your third core value: Never compromise on independence. You are a complete individual outside of any relationship. Keep pursuing your passions and maintain your own identity.

Remember, a healthy relationship consists of two wholes; it isn’t two halves trying to make a whole.

4) Trust

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and it’s something I’ve learned not to compromise on.

A few years back, I found myself in a relationship where trust was a constant issue. Despite the red flags, I convinced myself that it was normal.

However, the constant doubt and suspicion took a toll on my mental health.

I started to question everything my partner said or did, and it was exhausting. The relationship ended up causing more stress than joy, and it wasn’t long before I had to walk away.

In hindsight, I should have trusted my gut feelings. A study found that people are usually able to detect when their partner is hiding something from them. It suggests that our intuition about our partner’s honesty is often accurate.

So here’s your fourth core value: Never compromise on trust. If you find yourself doubting your partner constantly, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.

Trust is not optional; it’s essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

5) Growth

A few years ago, I was in a relationship that was comfortable, safe and… stagnant. We were stuck in a routine, doing the same things, having the same conversations, and not pushing each other to be better.

At first, I mistook the comfort for happiness. But as time went on, I felt a sense of dissatisfaction creeping in. I realized that while I was content, I wasn’t growing.

This is when I understood that a crucial element of any relationship is mutual growth. It’s about inspiring and challenging each other to be the best versions of yourselves.

In a relationship, you should feel encouraged to pursue your passions, learn new things, and continue developing as an individual. Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader and vice versa.

So here’s your fifth core value: Never compromise on growth. A relationship should not hold you back but propel you forward. It should be a source of inspiration, motivation, and personal development.

Remember, growth is not just about becoming better; it’s about becoming more ‘you’.

6) Communication

I once found myself in a relationship where communication was a one-way street. I would listen, empathize and comfort, but when it came to expressing my feelings or concerns, I was met with dismissal and invalidation.

It felt like I was screaming into a void, my words falling on deaf ears. I felt unseen, unheard, and misunderstood.

It was then that I stumbled upon a quote by the famous psychologist, John Gottman: “Understanding must precede advice.”

This quote made me realize that communication is not just about talking; it’s about understanding.

In a relationship, both parties should feel heard, understood, and valued. Your feelings, thoughts, and opinions matter. Your voice matters.

Never compromise on communication. A relationship thrives when there is open, honest, and empathetic communication.

Listen as much as you speak and ensure that understanding precedes advice.

7) Conflict

Now, this may sound counterintuitive, but hear me out: conflict is necessary in a relationship.

I used to avoid conflict like the plague. I thought that if my relationship was ‘perfect’, we would never argue or disagree. But I was wrong.

In one relationship, we never fought, but we also never really talked about anything meaningful. We avoided difficult conversations and swept issues under the rug.

But ignoring problems didn’t make them disappear; it only made them grow larger.

It was then that I realized: conflict isn’t the enemy; it’s how you manage it that matters.

Conflict can lead to growth and understanding if handled correctly. It provides an opportunity for you to understand your partner better and vice versa.

So here’s your seventh core value: Never shy away from conflict. Don’t fear disagreements; instead, learn to navigate them effectively.

Here’s a practical tip: next time you find yourself in a disagreement with your partner, try using “I” statements instead of “You” statements.

For example, say “I feel upset when…” instead of “You always…”. This small change can make your conversations less accusatory and more constructive.

Conclusion

There you have it: the 7 core values you should never compromise for a relationship, according to psychology.

Remember, these values are not just guidelines—they are the pillars that hold up a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

Compromising on them may lead to short-term peace, but it can cause long-term damage to your self-esteem and happiness.

So here’s my final piece of advice: Stay true to these core values. Stand your ground even when it’s uncomfortable. Trust me, it’s worth it.

And remember, you deserve a relationship that respects and upholds these values just as much as you do. Never settle for less.