When I first launched my startup more than a decade ago, I remember how enthusiastic I was to share everything—my ideas, my challenges, my triumphs. It felt like I was forging connections by laying all my cards on the table. Little did I know that oversharing can sometimes put you at a disadvantage, both personally and professionally.
Today, as someone who’s traded boardrooms and investor pitches for the writer’s desk, I’ve had the chance to reflect on how psychology informs our personal boundaries. In my experience—and supported by what I’ve learned from experts—there are certain things you should never, ever reveal about yourself. It’s not about being secretive; rather, it’s about protecting your wellbeing, your relationships, and your future success. Below are nine areas of caution, with insights into why these details are best kept private.
1. Your Deepest Insecurities
We all have moments when we doubt ourselves. If you’ve ever tried to raise capital for a company you deeply believe in, you know what it’s like to wrestle with self-criticism. It’s perfectly normal—and healthy—to acknowledge your doubts, but disclosing them indiscriminately can make you vulnerable.
From a psychological standpoint, broadcasting your deepest fears or insecurities can signal to others that you might be an easy target for manipulation.
In personal relationships, it may evoke pity rather than empathy, or even result in your concerns being casually dismissed.
Of course, sharing these feelings with a therapist, a trusted friend, or a close mentor is different—it’s often helpful. But the key is to be selective about whom you open up to.
2. Financial Details
When I launched my first startup, I made the rookie mistake of telling my extended network exactly how much funding we had secured. Instead of generating supportive feedback, it sometimes led to awkward requests for loans or uninvited advice on how to spend my money.
According to psychologists, talking too openly about your finances can breed resentment, envy, or even predatory behavior from others. It’s especially tricky in the business world where knowledge of your financial standing can put you at a disadvantage during negotiations.
Keep your bank balances and exact figures close to your chest unless you’re speaking with a trusted financial advisor or an inner circle member who genuinely has your best interests at heart.
3. Resentments and Grudges
We’ve all been there: that coworker who took credit for your big idea, or the ex-partner who hurt you. Dwelling on these slights and broadcasting them openly can feel cathartic in the moment. But here’s what I’ve learned the hard way: the negativity only holds you back.
From a psychological standpoint, incessantly talking about grudges drags you into a cycle of negativity. It might also deter people from trusting you because they’ll worry you’ll talk about them the same way.
If you need to vent, choose a therapist or a trusted confidant, then work on letting go. Others don’t need to know all the bitterness you still might be harboring.
4. Past Traumas (In Detail)
This one’s tricky, because for some of us, talking about past traumas can be a part of healing. If you have experienced deeply personal traumas—like a serious family conflict or a traumatic event—professional help and a close-knit support system can be crucial.
But it doesn’t mean you should lay out every graphic detail to acquaintances, coworkers, or the general public.
Oversharing these painful experiences can re-traumatize you or make others uncomfortable, which in turn can create more emotional distance than closeness.
Psychology tells us that healing often involves controlled disclosure—to a counselor, a mentor, or someone who’s been through a similar experience. Too much detail in less secure contexts can leave you feeling exposed and misunderstood.
5. Secret Ambitions or Ongoing Projects
I’m a believer in the power of manifestation, but I’ve also learned that revealing your next big idea too soon can sabotage its potential.
For instance, when I was still an entrepreneur, I’d occasionally let slip about future projects to the wrong person, only to find out that my concept had been taken and developed faster by someone else.
Psychologically, your brain can get a premature sense of accomplishment by talking up your plans, which dampens your motivation to do the actual work. Beyond that, it’s just good strategic thinking—people can’t undermine what they don’t know about.
6. Embarrassing Mistakes That Don’t Serve a Purpose
Look, I’m all for transparency, especially if it helps others learn from your experiences. I’ve written about failures in my entrepreneurial journey—like the app that never got off the ground or the marketing strategy that tanked—but I’ve done so selectively, focusing on the lesson rather than the humiliation.
Psychologically, publicly beating yourself up can erode your self-esteem and potentially lower others’ perceptions of your competence.
It’s one thing to share valuable lessons that help you and others grow; it’s quite another to air your dirty laundry unnecessarily. Share stories that serve a constructive purpose. The rest is best left in the past.
7. Other People’s Secrets
This should go without saying, but it’s shocking how often we reveal someone else’s secrets in casual conversations—whether it’s a friend’s pregnancy announcement before they’ve gone public or a coworker’s resignation plans.
Not only does this hurt the person who trusted you, but it also shatters your reputation as someone who can be confided in.
From a relational psychology angle, trust is a foundation for any healthy bond. Betraying a secret tells everyone around you that you may not be discreet about their confidences either.
In my entrepreneurial days, I saw how crucial trust was when forging partnerships and dealing with teams. A reputation for loose lips is a fast track to isolation and lost opportunities.
8. Negative Opinions of Others
We’ve all had someone rub us the wrong way—a tough boss, an annoying colleague, or a neighbor who always parks in your spot. It’s normal to have negative opinions, but letting them loose on social media or even in passing conversations can paint you as someone who’s judgmental or difficult to work with.
According to psychology, constant criticism or badmouthing of others actually reflects more on you than on the target. It suggests unresolved anger or a tendency to see the worst in situations.
This can hinder your personal and professional growth. If you truly need to address an issue with someone, do it directly and respectfully—privately, if possible—rather than airing your grievances publicly.
9. Controversial Beliefs or Hot-Button Opinions (in Certain Contexts)
I’ve got my share of strong opinions—ask me sometime about the role of AI in small businesses, and I’ll happily dive into a long rant. But I also learned that not every environment is the right place for controversial viewpoints.
From a psychological standpoint, sharing polarizing opinions can create division and lead to bias in how others perceive you. In a professional context, it can affect how clients, partners, or employers approach you.
It doesn’t mean you should never speak your mind; rather, be strategic. Know your audience, choose the right platform, and consider if it’s worth the potential fallout.
Final Thoughts: The Power of Discretion
One lesson I’ve learned, both from my entrepreneurial past and my present life as a writer, is that what you choose not to say can be just as important as what you do say. Discretion isn’t about being inauthentic; it’s about respecting your own boundaries and the boundaries of others. It’s also about recognizing that real trust and growth don’t require endless disclosure.
When you decide what to share—and what to hold back—you’ll find it preserves your energy and keeps your personal and professional relationships on more stable ground. In my own journey, learning to hold back certain details (the 3 a.m. meltdown before a product launch, or my early struggles with finances) saved me a lot of heartache and misunderstandings. It also gave me space to process my experiences more carefully, ultimately helping me grow.
So the next time you’re tempted to spill the beans—whether it’s a moment of frustration on social media, a casual chat with a new acquaintance, or even a conversation with extended family—take a step back. Ask yourself: Is revealing this information truly helpful for me or for others? If the answer is no, give yourself permission to keep it to yourself. You might be surprised at how much healthier and more empowering that choice can be.
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