Most of us like to think we’ll naturally attract supportive, genuine people as we age.
But here’s a reality check: good relationships don’t just appear out of nowhere. They’re heavily influenced by our own mindset and the habits we carry through life.
I’ve seen this firsthand, watching people (myself included) unintentionally push away the very friends and mentors they wanted to keep around.
The truth is, sometimes we hold on to patterns that repel the kind of positive influence we crave.
The good news? Once you know which unhelpful habits are standing in the way, you can start letting them go. From nonstop complaining to ignoring healthy boundaries, these patterns chip away at trust and warmth in our relationships.
So if you’re interested in attracting—and retaining—people who genuinely root for you, consider saying goodbye to these seven habits.
1. Constant negativity
Ever notice how some folks always have something negative to say? A sporting event is too crowded, a restaurant meal is slightly overcooked, the weather is never quite right.
Negativity can be like a magnet that pulls in tension and pushes away positivity.
I get how easy it is to slip into that mode—sometimes life deals you a rough hand, and a little venting feels good.
But when negativity becomes your default lens, you end up poisoning your mood and the environment around you.
A friend once told me he felt emotionally drained after spending time with me when I was at a low point. That stung, but it also woke me up to the impact my energy had on other people.
If you want to foster meaningful bonds, it’s worth noticing when you spiral into endless complaints.
Instead of dwelling on what’s wrong, try asking yourself: “Is there a solution or a learning point here?”
Shifting focus from complaining to problem-solving can make a world of difference, both for your own mental well-being and for the way others interact with you.
2. Gossiping
We’ve all been guilty of a little gossip now and then—trading whispers about who did what or who said what.
It can feel harmless in the moment, especially if it bonds you to someone else over a shared secret.
But at the end of the day, gossip erodes trust. People will wonder, “If you’re talking about them behind their back, will you talk about me when I’m not around?”
It creates an environment where everyone feels they have to watch what they say.
When you cut out gossip, you stand out as someone who values integrity and respects boundaries. Good people gravitate towards that kind of energy.
If you catch yourself starting to share a juicy rumor, take a step back and ask: “Is this conversation actually helpful or relevant?” More often than not, it’s neither.
3. Being self-centered
A good conversation has a natural give-and-take. But if you’re so wrapped up in your own life that you never pause to ask, “How are you doing?” people will eventually drift away.
Nobody wants to be a permanent audience member for your monologue.
Sure, sharing personal stories is part of being open, and I absolutely love diving into interesting philosophical questions about identity, society, and everything in between.
But if all we do is talk about ourselves, we become takers rather than contributors in our social circles.
A while back, I was traveling through Southeast Asia and found myself telling one story after another about my adventures. At some point, I noticed the glazed-over expressions from the people around me.
It was a gentle reminder that empathy and genuine curiosity are essential in relationships.
If you’re not making space for others—if you’re never asking them about their lives—then it’s not really a connection. It’s a performance.
Balancing self-disclosure with active listening can go a long way toward building deeper bonds.
4. Clinging to toxic relationships
Sometimes it’s the relationships we hold on to that push good people away.
When you remain entangled with someone who constantly drains your energy—maybe they gaslight you, disrespect your boundaries, or make you doubt your worth—you end up spending emotional bandwidth you could be investing elsewhere.
I’ve fallen into the trap of thinking I could “fix” people who treated me poorly, but all I got in return was exhaustion.
If you’re struggling with whether it’s time to let go of a toxic relationship, I created a short video about self-love on my YouTube channel. It’s a quick watch, but I share personal insights that might give you the nudge you need to take that first step toward a healthier future.
The main point is: holding on to damaging connections sends a signal—both to yourself and to others—that you’re okay with being undervalued.
Good people who see you stuck in that loop might think you’re not emotionally available for healthier connections.
Breaking free can be daunting, but it’s often the necessary first step to making room for the relationships you truly deserve.
5. Unhealthy competitiveness
A touch of healthy competition can be motivating. But when winning becomes the only goal, relationships turn into battlegrounds.
There’s a big difference between pushing each other to grow and trying to one-up your friends at every turn.
If you find yourself celebrating another person’s failures (even silently), it might be time to check your mindset.
I admit, I used to measure my progress against my peers in a way that wasn’t exactly healthy.
Instead of learning from their successes, I’d feel this sinking feeling that I was falling behind. It made me less supportive and more guarded.
Over time, I realized genuine connections grow stronger when we cheer each other on and share our knowledge, rather than guarding it like a secret weapon.
As psychologist Carl Rogers once pointed out, we foster our full potential not by tearing one another down, but by creating conditions where each person can flourish.
That means letting go of the urge to compete and embracing collaboration instead.
6. Being closed-minded
A sure way to lose good people in your life is by refusing to consider perspectives other than your own. And trust me, this can be a subtle one—sometimes we don’t even realize we’re shutting down new ideas.
We just assume our worldview is “right,” and that anyone who thinks differently is “wrong.”
The thing is, good friendships often form around the ability to explore, debate, and grow through different viewpoints.
Growing up in a household where philosophy and psychology were daily dinner-table topics, I learned that being open-minded doesn’t mean you agree with everything. It means you’re willing to listen without immediately dismissing someone else’s take.
And yes, sometimes you’ll hold your ground; other times, you’ll realize there’s more to learn.
If someone feels their ideas or experiences are instantly discounted, they’ll stop showing up altogether.
Staying open-minded can transform casual acquaintances into lasting, meaningful friendships—because people appreciate feeling genuinely heard.
7. Fear of vulnerability
Finally, there’s the habit that scares so many of us: vulnerability.
We’ve been taught to guard our hearts, “stay strong,” and never let them see you sweat.
I used to worry that revealing my anxieties—like the fear of failing at a new business venture—would make me look weak.
But every time I opened up, I found that people related more to the parts of me that weren’t perfectly polished.
You see, true camaraderie requires dropping the facade at least some of the time. If you’re afraid to let people see your doubts, flaws, or genuine emotions, you end up building superficial bonds.
Plus, by sharing our insecurities, we invite others to share theirs, too. That mutual exchange of honest emotion is what creates connection on a deeper level.
As author and psychologist Brene Brown once said, “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.”
Nobody’s perfect, and pretending otherwise just keeps everyone at arm’s length.
Wrapping up
Here’s the bottom line: the relationships that genuinely enrich our lives require effort and introspection. We have to drop the habits that subtly (or not so subtly) erode trust and authenticity.
Whether it’s letting go of unproductive negativity or releasing toxic connections, the goal is to align your daily actions with the kind of energy you want to attract.
If you’re interested in diving deeper into these kinds of topics—self-awareness, personal growth, and living life on your own terms—feel free to follow my YouTube channel, Wake-Up Call. I explore everything from practical psychology to minimalism, with a dose of healthy skepticism toward mainstream ideas.
Because let’s be honest: the older we get, the more vital it becomes to surround ourselves with good people who see and appreciate who we truly are—and that journey starts with us.
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