I spent a month volunteering as a youth mentor and walked away with an entirely different view on leadership

I didn’t expect to learn so much in just four short weeks.

But once I took the plunge and volunteered as a youth mentor, my assumptions about what leadership really is practically flipped overnight.

I used to think leading a group of people meant showing off your skills, speaking the loudest, and always having the right answer on the tip of your tongue.

Turns out, there’s a deeper kind of leadership that doesn’t involve all that chest-thumping and showboating.

The kids I worked with taught me more than any adult leadership seminar I’ve attended. They were honest, quick to call me out if my instructions weren’t clear, and refreshingly curious about absolutely everything.

Before I started, I wondered if they’d even take me seriously. By the end, I realized it wasn’t about “serious” at all; it was about genuine engagement and actual empathy.

Below are some major insights I came away with, all of which now shape how I think about leadership in my day-to-day life.

The importance of open ears

One of the first things I noticed was how much of real leadership is about shutting up and listening.

When you’re mentoring teenagers, a five-minute explanation can quickly turn into a glazed look or an eye roll if you’re not tuning into their cues.

I found that the more I listened, the more they opened up.

Whether it was letting them describe their aspirations, vent about a tough day, or just talk about a funny moment at school, giving them the floor allowed them to feel heard and respected.

I used to believe that in leadership settings, you had to take charge from the start. But my month as a youth mentor showed me that being approachable often starts with being willing to hear people out.

And that applies to more than just kids. In a work environment, your teammates also want to be understood before they follow your lead.

As Stephen Covey said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” He had a point, and I caught myself doing exactly that more times than I’d like to admit.

Leading from the back, not the front

During one activity, I tried guiding the group from the sidelines, thinking I’d let them figure things out themselves.

I didn’t realize how uncomfortable that made me until I was in the thick of it—my instincts were screaming to jump in and direct every single step.

But that day, they ended up accomplishing way more as a team once I got out of the way.

It was like the kids needed space to discover their personal strengths without my constant “Here’s how you do it” approach.

It was exactly what Nelson Mandela meant when he said, “Lead from the back—and let others believe they are in front.”

Watching those teens flourish when they felt ownership over their tasks gave me a huge “aha” moment. By letting them steer, I found a new sense of respect for the concept of leading from behind.

How does this translate to adult life?

Well, if you’re managing a project at work, stepping back doesn’t mean you’re less engaged. It often means you’re giving your team the room to innovate.

That style of leadership can pay off by fostering independence, accountability, and a sense of real collaboration.

Sharing vulnerability strengthens trust

Another surprising lesson was how much vulnerability can strengthen trust.

The kids weren’t impressed by a mentor who tried to be perfect. Instead, they warmed up the most when I shared my missteps—like the time I fumbled an important pitch back in my startup days.

They listened intently, asked questions like “What did you do next?” and “Were you embarrassed?” and seemed to genuinely connect with the idea that failing or falling short doesn’t have to be a dead-end.

After hearing my story, a shy teenager opened up about her fear of public speaking, saying she thought adults never messed up. That conversation bonded us instantly.

By showing I hadn’t always had it together, I gave these teens permission to explore areas they were afraid of without feeling judged.

In my old leadership mindset, I assumed I had to hide my flaws to appear competent.

Now I realize that selective vulnerability can be an asset. It humanizes you. It says, “I’ve been there,” which can be more inspiring than a picture-perfect leadership facade.

Clarity is everything

One big curveball was learning how important clarity is in any instruction or plan.

Teenagers don’t hesitate to question your every word if it seems off or ambiguous.

I’d say something like, “We’ll try that next time,” and they’d immediately shoot back, “When exactly?” or “What if we don’t have time?”

They want specifics.

This hunger for clarity made me think about how many misunderstandings in the workplace happen because people aren’t direct enough.

When I ran my own startups, I occasionally made vague suggestions. I assumed my team understood me, but what I actually caused was confusion.

Leading these kids reminded me that the simpler and more specific I am, the better the outcomes.

Ray Dalio, a renowned investor, emphasizes radical transparency in his company to minimize confusion and maintain alignment. I can now see more clearly why.

With a bunch of energetic teenagers, fuzzy instructions can cause chaos in seconds.

In adult environments, the chaos might be less visible, but it’s still there, lurking in miscommunications and missed deadlines.

Everyone leads differently

For a while, I tried to get some of the quieter teens to “take the lead” by talking more or stepping up first. Then I noticed something: some of them were leading in their own ways—just more subtly.

One girl rarely spoke in front of the group, but she was the go-to person whenever someone was stuck on a task.

Another would crack jokes to keep morale high when the group started losing steam.

Each had a leadership style that didn’t look like a typical “leader,” but it was leadership nonetheless.

That shift in perspective made me realize we often force a cookie-cutter version of leadership onto others (and onto ourselves).

We imagine the leader as an outspoken, stand-in-front type. But the month I spent mentoring made it clear that leadership styles can be as unique as fingerprints.

The challenge is to recognize those styles and let them flourish.

The group dynamic becomes much richer when everyone leads in a way that’s authentic to them.

Small acts, huge impact

I’m a big fan of setting ambitious goals. But teens showed me that sometimes the small, meaningful acts leave the longest-lasting impression.

One day, a boy mentioned he didn’t have a notebook for our sessions. I shrugged and grabbed one from the supply cupboard for him.

He lit up like I’d handed him a gold medal. It was such a tiny gesture, but it meant a lot to him.

From there on out, I started paying attention to the seemingly small ways I could improve their experience. That might mean bringing an extra snack or remembering little details about their hobbies.

When I asked them how they were doing in school, they’d mention a test, and the next week, I’d ask how it went.

The fact that I followed up and remembered mattered.

I realized we can apply this in any leadership position. Recognizing small wins, sending an encouraging email, or simply knowing someone’s birthday can create a sense of belonging on a team.

It’s the attention to detail that can differentiate a mediocre leader from a great one.

As Simon Sinek has said, “Leadership is not about being in charge. It is about taking care of those in your charge.” Tiny gestures show people you truly care.

Humility is key

When I first walked in, I thought I’d be the one teaching the kids everything. Instead, I learned a whole lot from them.

That blew me away—and it was only possible because I was willing to see them as equals rather than “just kids” who needed guidance.

The best mentors and leaders I’ve met bring humility to the table, recognizing they don’t have all the answers.

Jordan Peterson once remarked that we should “assume the person you are listening to might know something you don’t.”

Apply that to leadership, and you’re basically acknowledging that fresh perspectives can come from anywhere.

In business, that might be the youngest intern in the room who sees a new market trend.

In a youth mentoring environment, it could be a shy teenager who offers an insight about teamwork that you never considered.

Humility also paves the way for better relationships. When you’re not trying to be the ultimate authority all the time, people can breathe easier and share their own views.

I saw this happen on the final day of mentoring, when the kids started spontaneously offering each other tips and ideas without waiting for me to weigh in.

Some final reflections on leadership beyond the mentor role

After my time volunteering, I’m more convinced than ever that leadership is less about control and more about cultivating an environment where people feel safe to grow.

If you run a small startup, your employees should be free to speak up, make mistakes, and even challenge the status quo.

If you’re leading a community project, clarity, empathy, and support are essential if you want buy-in from volunteers.

And if you’re guiding young people, remember that curiosity and vulnerability can be the strongest tools in your belt.

For me personally, those 30 days as a youth mentor recalibrated my entire approach. I no longer see leadership as a baton you pass around, but rather a shared experience where everyone has a role.

It’s about creating space for ideas, building trust, and having the humility to learn from those you thought you’d be teaching.

Until next time, friends.