It’s one of those things nobody really wants to think about:
You spend hours every day with your coworkers, sharing projects, meetings, and awkward small talk in the break room, but deep down, you can’t shake the feeling something’s off.
Maybe it’s just in your head. After all, they laugh at your jokes (sometimes) and say hi in the hallways. Isn’t that enough to prove they like you? Well… not exactly.
The truth is, not everyone you work with is going to like you—and that’s okay.
But what’s tricky is when they’re polite, professional, and even friendly enough to make you second-guess yourself. Are they genuinely cool with you, or are they just tolerating your presence because they have to?
Here’s how to tell if your coworkers are just putting up with you without crossing into outright dislike.
1. They keep conversations strictly professional
When coworkers like you, conversations often stray beyond work topics. They’ll ask about your weekend, crack an inside joke, or share something personal in passing.
But if every interaction feels like it’s straight out of a corporate handbook—focused only on tasks, deadlines, and follow-ups—it might be a subtle sign they’re keeping you at arm’s length.
It’s not necessarily hostile, but there’s a noticeable lack of warmth. They’re polite enough to get through the day, but they’re not going out of their way to connect with you on a personal level.
And that could be an indication of the level of interaction they’d like to maintain with you. Studies show that the more polite a person is, the greater their social and psychological distance actually is.
So if conversations feel like they’ve got an invisible wall around them, it could mean they’re just tolerating you for the sake of professionalism.
2. They don’t include you in casual hangouts
One thing I noticed in a previous job was how often my coworkers would make casual plans—grabbing lunch together, happy hour after work, or even just chatting by someone’s desk about weekend plans.
At first, I thought maybe they just weren’t big on inviting people or that everyone was busy doing their own thing.
But then I’d overhear them talking about a lunch they’d all gone to or see pictures from a weekend outing I wasn’t even aware of. It wasn’t like they were trying to hide it, but there was this unspoken understanding that I wasn’t part of the group.
It stung, honestly. I’d tell myself it was fine, but deep down, it felt isolating. They were friendly enough at work, but when it came to actually spending time together outside of the office, I wasn’t someone they thought to invite.
If this is happening to you too, it can be a clear sign they’re keeping things strictly surface-level and not looking to build a deeper connection.
3. They give you compliments that feel hollow
There’s a famous quote by Maya Angelou: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
And honestly, that’s exactly how I realized some of my coworkers weren’t as genuine as they seemed.
They would compliment me, sure—on my work, my ideas, even the occasional outfit. But something about it felt… off.
It wasn’t the words themselves; it was how they said them. The tone was flat, like they were checking a box rather than actually meaning it.
I remember finishing up a big project and hearing the obligatory “Nice job on that,” but there was no real enthusiasm behind it. No follow-up questions or acknowledgment of the effort I’d put in. It left me feeling more dismissed than appreciated.
A real compliment makes you feel seen and valued. But when someone doesn’t truly like you? Their words might sound nice on the surface, but they don’t leave any lasting impact—they just float away, empty and weightless.
4. Their body language tells a different story
Studies show that up to 93% of communication is nonverbal, which means people often say more with their body language than their words. I’ve noticed this firsthand in workplaces where some coworkers’ actions didn’t quite match what they were saying.
For example, if you’re talking to someone and they’re constantly angled away from you, avoiding eye contact, or crossing their arms, it can be a sign they’re not comfortable or engaged.
I remember one colleague who always kept conversations short and physically distanced themselves, even when the topic was collaborative. It wasn’t rude, exactly, but it was clear they weren’t interested in connecting beyond what was necessary.
Little things like a lack of smiles, uninterested nods, or even subtle sighs during conversations can speak volumes. While words can be polite and professional, the way someone physically responds to you often reveals how they really feel.
5. They rarely ask for your input
When people value you, they want to hear what you think. Whether it’s brainstorming in a meeting or solving a problem on the fly, they’ll naturally loop you into the conversation.
But if your coworkers tend to skip over you or only ask for your opinion when they absolutely have to, it could be a subtle sign they don’t see you as someone they genuinely connect with—or even respect.
I remember sitting in a team meeting where everyone was bouncing ideas back and forth. I had thoughts to share, but no one ever asked me directly. When I finally chimed in, there were polite nods, but then the conversation quickly shifted back to others.
It wasn’t outright dismissive—it was more like I wasn’t even on their radar.
It’s not just about meetings, either. If they rarely seek out your advice or feedback one-on-one, it could mean they’re content keeping things transactional rather than collaborative or personal.
This brings me to the next point…
6. They don’t share anything personal
Workplace relationships often have a balance between professional and personal conversations.
Even if you’re not best friends, coworkers who genuinely like you will usually open up a little—whether it’s about their family, a hobby they’re passionate about, or something funny that happened over the weekend.
But when someone doesn’t particularly like you, that wall stays up.
For instance, I once worked with someone who was perfectly polite but never let conversations drift beyond deadlines and deliverables. I’d hear them talking to others about their favorite TV show or a trip they were planning, but with me, those topics never came up.
It wasn’t that I didn’t try—I’d ask how their weekend was or comment on something they mentioned in passing—but their responses were short and closed off, like they weren’t interested in letting me in.
It’s subtle, but over time it becomes clear. If they’re sharing little pieces of their life with everyone else but stop short with you, it’s a sign the connection just isn’t there.
7. They never back you up
It’s one thing for coworkers to be neutral, but it’s another when they consistently refuse to back you up.
8. They don’t celebrate your wins
When someone genuinely likes you, your success feels like a win for them too.
It doesn’t mean they need to throw a party every time you do something well, but there’s usually some kind of acknowledgment—a congratulatory email, a shoutout in a meeting, or even just a quick “Nice work!” in passing.
If those moments of recognition are consistently missing, it might be a sign they’re not rooting for you in the way a supportive coworker would.
Worse, if they acknowledge others but remain silent when it comes to you, it might suggest they don’t see you as part of their inner circle.
In a healthy work environment, colleagues lift each other up, even in small ways—so if your wins are met with silence, it might be worth considering where you really stand.
Wrapping up
If you recognize these behaviors in your workplace, don’t take it as a reason to doubt yourself.
Instead, focus on building connections with those who do value your presence and put your energy into professional relationships that feel mutual.
At the end of the day, you’re there to do your job, not to win everyone over—and the right people will always make you feel like more than just a tolerated presence.
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