7 mind games that toxic bosses and manipulative coworkers often use to control you

I’ve been in a few workplaces where you feel like you’re walking on eggshells every day.

Nothing is ever straightforward, and what’s said in meetings doesn’t always match the vibe in the office corridors.

It was only later that I realized many of these subtle tensions came from psychological tricks or “mind games” that certain individuals used—almost as if they were playing a strategic board game with human emotions.

When you’re dealing with people who thrive on control or manipulation, you might sense something is “off” but can’t quite put your finger on it.

Often, these tactics aren’t as obvious as yelling or blatant bullying; they’re more subtle and can leave you second-guessing your instincts.

From my experience as both an employee and business owner, I’ve seen how damaging these covert methods can be, not just to performance but to your sense of self-worth.

Let’s unpack some of these mind games so you can spot them early and take back control of your work life.

1. Gaslighting through misinformation

It’s astounding how many manipulative bosses or coworkers use gaslighting to keep others on edge.

According to Psychology Today, gaslighting is an effective manipulation strategy because it makes victims unsure of their own perceptions.

They’ll insist you never submitted a report when you remember emailing it a day early, or they’ll claim your project idea was actually theirs all along.

Over time, this constant drip of misinformation can make you doubt your memory and judgment.

I recall working with a supervisor who would regularly “forget” our previous conversations. It was frustrating at first, and then it started messing with my head.

I found myself screenshotting emails and printing out meeting agendas just to prove we’d discussed something.

That’s when I realized gaslighting is about power—making you question your reality so they can maintain an upper hand.

If you’re faced with it, start documenting your work more thoroughly. Written records can help you stay grounded and protect your credibility if someone tries to rewrite the facts.

2. Withholding information or resources

Have you ever been left out of critical emails or not given access to the tools you need?

This isn’t always an innocent oversight. Some people deliberately keep you in the dark, forcing you to come across as unprepared or incompetent.

I’ve seen this happen in a team setting where one colleague conveniently “forgot” to invite a certain coworker to important client meetings.

That coworker would then appear clueless about next steps, and the manipulator could swoop in looking like the hero.

Not only did it hurt team morale, but it also set up a dynamic where the singled-out employee felt constantly behind.

When resources and information are withheld on purpose, it gives the manipulator control over what’s shared and when.

This can impact your confidence and performance reviews, making you more reliant on them for any updates.

To combat this, be proactive about asking for clarifications and ensure you have official channels—like Slack or company project management tools—where you can verify you’re in the loop.

If there’s a consistent pattern, document it and bring it up with a higher authority if necessary.

3. Creating false urgencies

“I need this done in the next hour,” says your boss, even though the deadline is actually next week.

Or your coworker storms into your space announcing a supposed crisis, only for you to learn later that there was no real emergency.

These fabricated “urgent tasks” are designed to keep you on edge and under stress.

I first noticed this tactic when I was helping out with a seasonal campaign. My manager constantly labeled tasks as emergencies, so I’d drop everything and scramble to fix them.

But if I peeked at the timeline, these tasks weren’t due for days or even weeks. It was a classic case of controlling my schedule and attention through panic.

Don’t get me wrong, urgency can be a useful driver for productivity. But in the wrong hands, it becomes a manipulative tool that derails your priorities and mental well-being.

If it seems like everything’s always on fire, take a moment to step back and assess the real timeline. Ask clarifying questions like, “Can you confirm the actual due date?” or “Is there a specific client waiting on this right now?”

Holding them accountable for their urgency claims can help limit the constant false alarms.

4. Shifting blame and scapegoating

Have you noticed people who somehow never take the fall for a failed project or a missed deadline? No matter what happens, they point fingers at someone else.

This blame game is a common way for manipulative individuals to protect their image while throwing others under the bus.

I once consulted for a team where the manager would take credit for successes but blame the team for any failures. If a campaign underperformed, it was because “the team didn’t execute properly” or “someone dropped the ball.”

Over time, this scapegoating not only hurt team morale but also created a culture of fear, where everyone was hesitant to take ownership in case it backfired.

As Simon Sinek once said, “A leader should not take credit when things go right if they are not willing to accept responsibility when things go wrong.”

If you’re trapped in an environment that does the opposite, recognize it as a toxic dynamic.

Try to keep records of your contributions, so you can correct the narrative if you’re unjustly blamed. But also pay attention to whether this environment is salvageable.

Sometimes, the best long-term solution is to distance yourself from people who constantly play the blame game.

5. Undermining through microaggressions

Microaggressions aren’t always about large-scale bullying or harassment.

They can be subtle put-downs, like snide remarks about your abilities, backhanded compliments about your appearance, or constant interruptions during meetings.

It might seem trivial in the moment, but over time, those small acts chip away at your confidence and sense of belonging.

Undermining behaviors can also show up as “jokes” at your expense or sly comments about your “lack of experience.” They’re meant to destabilize you and keep you second-guessing your worth.

If you find yourself on the receiving end, consider addressing the behavior directly, calling it out calmly, or involving HR if it becomes a pattern. Don’t let microaggressions become the background noise of your everyday work life.

6. Ambiguity in tasks and expectations

You might be assigned a project with vague guidelines like “Just do what needs to be done” or “We’ll figure it out as we go along.”

Then, when the final result doesn’t match their unspoken vision, they blame you.

This is a sneaky tactic to keep you guessing and to maintain an upper hand.

A coworker once told me how her boss never clarified deadlines or final deliverables. She’d push forward, only to be criticized for “not meeting expectations.”

She felt constantly stressed, trying to guess what her boss really wanted.

And that’s exactly how some manipulative people operate: the lack of clarity keeps you on unstable ground, making it easier for them to remain in control.

If you sense this happening, try to get written confirmations of tasks and deadlines.

Send a follow-up email after a meeting that says, “Just to confirm, here’s what we agreed on.”

This way, there’s a paper trail that can protect you if someone later tries to move the goalposts.

Ambiguity can’t survive when you shine a light on it with clear documentation.

7. Isolation and divide-and-conquer tactics

Toxic individuals sometimes pit team members against each other, either by spreading rumors or by giving them conflicting instructions.

This creates tension and mistrust, making everyone more dependent on the manipulator for clarity and decisions.

I’ve seen a boss who would share slightly different “versions” of the same plan with different team members.

The result was confusion and resentment when team members discovered their tasks contradicted each other.

Meanwhile, the boss would step in as the only source of “truth,” further boosting his power.

Divisive tactics like this undermine team cohesion and morale.

If you notice that your team is being torn apart by selective sharing of information or rumor-mongering, call for group alignment. Suggest a team meeting where everyone clarifies roles and expectations collectively.

That way, manipulative individuals can’t hide behind one-on-one conversations. Bringing issues into a shared space makes it harder for them to control the narrative.

Wrapping up

Toxic mind games at work can erode trust, kill motivation, and leave you questioning your own abilities.

Whether they’re coming from a boss, a colleague, or even from the broader company culture, awareness is your first line of defense. 

You can’t fight what you don’t see, so learning to identify these tactics is a step toward regaining your sense of power.

If you find yourself in such a situation, remember: you’re not overreacting, and you’re not alone.

Set boundaries, document everything, and if possible, talk to someone you trust—an HR rep or a mentor—about what’s going on.

In some cases, you might decide it’s best to remove yourself from that environment altogether.

At the end of the day, no job or coworker is worth compromising your mental well-being.

Stay aware of the signs, trust your gut, and don’t hesitate to stand up for yourself or get external support.

You deserve a work environment where you can thrive without the burden of constant manipulation.

If that means confronting an issue or even moving on, it’s a decision that can protect both your career and your peace of mind.