Here are a few everyday greetings that can instantly turn people away—and how to steer clear of them.
1. Leading with a high-pressure “So… what do you do?”
I remember attending a local business meetup a few years ago.
The very first thing someone said to me was, “So… what do you do?” with a tone that implied they only cared if I could be of use to them.
That question itself isn’t awful, but when it’s the opening line, it feels transactional. It turns an introduction into a mini job interview, putting people on the spot.
Some folks interpret that question as “Is your work interesting enough for me to keep talking to you?”
They might respond defensively or shy away from sharing more about themselves.
There’s a big difference between getting to know someone naturally and grilling them about their job from the get-go. If you genuinely want to learn about someone’s work, ease into it after a bit of friendly small talk.
As noted by The Decision Lab, “The First Impression Bias” can color how we perceive everything that follows.
So, if the first words out of your mouth sound like you’re sizing someone up, they may file you under “not worth engaging” before you’ve even built rapport.
2. “You look tired—everything okay?”
When someone greets me with “You look tired,” I hear, “You look bad.” It can come across as criticizing someone’s appearance, even if it’s meant to show concern.
Nobody wants to be reminded that they have dark circles under their eyes or that they didn’t sleep well.
Leading with a remark about someone’s perceived exhaustion or disheveled look frames the conversation in a negative light. If you genuinely want to see how they’re doing, opt for a simple “How have you been?” or “How’s your day going?”
That way, the other person can share what they feel comfortable sharing.
If the person truly is exhausted, stressed, or not in the mood, they may open up at their own pace. If not, you haven’t kicked off the conversation by throwing them into defensive mode.
People often need a moment to settle into a dialogue without hearing unflattering observations about their appearance.
3. “Why don’t you remember me?”
I’ve had moments where someone insisted we’d met before, but I drew a blank trying to recall where or when. If the person greets you with, “Why don’t you remember me?” it can make you feel guilty or embarrassed.
It also starts things off with an accusatory tone. Not the best way to form a connection.
Sometimes, we genuinely don’t remember, or maybe our recollection is hazy.
Greeting someone with a lighthearted, “It’s been a while, but I’m happy we’re both here,” can be far more welcoming.
We’ve got to respect that people have busy lives and can’t store every passing acquaintance in their mental Rolodex.
As noted by Psychology Today, how you greet others may reveal your personality.
Thus, if your greeting is accusing someone of forgetting you, it suggests that you might be focused on how people perceive you, rather than focusing on opening up friendly conversation.
4. The backhanded compliment greeting
Sometimes folks think they’re being witty by opening with a tease or half-compliment: “Wow, you’re taller than I remember—did you finally start working out?” or “Oh, you actually look good today!”
These lines might be disguised as playful remarks, but they often land as put-downs.
The initial words in a conversation should be welcoming, not borderline insulting. If you genuinely admire something about a person, say it plainly.
Avoid couching your observations in a way that can be interpreted as mocking or belittling. People don’t enjoy feeling like they’re part of a comedic bit when they’ve just met you or when you see each other after a long time apart.
Humor can break the ice if you know the other person well enough. But if this is an acquaintance or first-time meeting, steer clear of greeting them with sarcasm or faint praise.
You might think you’re being clever, but they’ll likely walk away with a sour impression.
5. Overly familiar physical greetings without consent
Even if you’re the huggy type, not everyone is comfortable with physical contact right away.
A big bear hug or a cheek kiss can catch people off guard and make them uneasy, especially if you’re meeting for the first time.
I used to assume everyone was fine with a friendly hug, but I quickly learned that it can be off-putting for someone who prefers a bit of personal space.
Rather than assume, it’s better to start with a simple handshake or wave, then adjust based on the other person’s cues.
It’s less awkward to ask, “Is it okay if I hug you?” than it is to see them recoil at unsolicited contact. Some people also come from backgrounds or cultures that require a moment to warm up before they’re comfortable being that close.
By staying mindful of boundaries, we show respect for others’ comfort levels. This approach might sound obvious, but it’s surprising how often people forget this simple courtesy.
And being attentive in those first few seconds sets a positive tone.
As noted by the American Psychological Association, mindfulness practices have been shown to reduce rumination, increase focus, and even increase relationship satisfaction.
Staying present enough to gauge how someone might feel about a hug or handshake can prevent awkwardness and keep the other person from feeling pressured.
6. Gossip or complaint as a greeting
You’ve probably encountered someone whose hello is something along the lines of, “Ugh, traffic was horrendous, and I can’t believe how annoying the event parking was!” or “Guess who’s driving me crazy today?”
While these frustrations are understandable, leading with negativity can make the interaction feel heavy from the start.
Even if you’re stressed out or in a bad mood, it’s worth taking a breath before launching into a rant. There’s time to share your grievances if the conversation progresses in that direction and the other person is open to listening.
But greeting someone with a bombardment of complaints sends a signal that you might be bringing drama their way.
Not the best first impression.
Sometimes, people greet others this way because they’re subconsciously looking for empathy or camaraderie. But a quick “It’s nice to see you” or “Hey, great to run into you!” can keep the tone lighter and more welcoming.
Then, once the rapport is established, you can open up about whatever’s bugging you.
7. Using a forced “nickname” or overly personal label
Being too casual too soon can be off-putting. You might greet someone by calling them “buddy,” “sweetheart,” or “champ,” not realizing it could rub them the wrong way.
While some close friends or family are comfortable with nicknames, acquaintances might find it patronizing or fake.
As noted by experts at the Association for Psychological Science, “Any information about a person, from her physical properties to her nonverbal and verbal behaviors, and even the environment she inhabits, influences our impressions and judgments about her.”
A nickname that the other person isn’t used to hearing can feel invasive or presumptuous.
And in those first few seconds of meeting, it’s often best to play it safe with a friendly “Hi” or using their actual name.
Nicknames should feel natural and typically develop over time. They’re often an expression of genuine familiarity, not something forced for effect.
If you overdo it, you may sound as if you’re selling them something or trying too hard to appear friendly.
8. “Long time, no see—did you fall off the face of the earth?”
I used to think that jokingly implying someone disappeared was a lighthearted way to re-establish contact.
But greeting someone with a mild jab like “Where have you been hiding?” or “Did you ghost everyone?” can make them feel pressured to explain their life choices.
Sometimes, people step away from certain social circles or events due to personal reasons—family matters, mental health, or simply being busy. Opening with an interrogative, even if it’s playful, can backfire if the person is sensitive about their absence.
It’s more considerate to say something like “I’ve missed seeing you around. How have you been?” That way, you leave room for them to share whatever they’re comfortable sharing.
If they don’t feel like explaining, they can just say, “I’ve been good,” and you can move on to catching up without tension.
Wrapping up
I’ve learned through experience that these problematic greetings can leave someone feeling alienated right at the start.
I try to remember that the best way to connect is through genuine warmth, a sincere smile, and a willingness to listen. Our first words often carry more weight than we realize.
If you’ve found yourself using any of these greetings, don’t worry. Small shifts in your approach can make a huge difference.
Offering a simple “It’s nice to meet you” or “I’m glad to see you again” is enough to set a friendly tone. Then let the conversation flow naturally.
It doesn’t take a grand gesture to show someone that you value them. Sometimes, all it takes is a polite, uncomplicated hello and a genuine interest in the other person.
When we become more aware of how others receive our words, we cultivate stronger first impressions and open the door to more meaningful connections.
And if something awkward does slip out, there’s always a chance to laugh it off and try again. As long as we approach people with respect, curiosity, and warmth, our greetings will generally shine.
After all, the best relationships often start with a simple, positive introduction.
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