7 ways you might be making yourself look less competent without realizing it

Ever feel like people don’t take you as seriously as they should?

You’re smart, capable, and hardworking—but sometimes, perception matters just as much as reality.

Without realizing it, you might be doing small things that make you seem less competent than you really are. And the worst part? No one is going to tell you.

The good news is, once you recognize these subtle habits, they’re easy to fix.

Let’s take a look at seven ways you might be undermining yourself—and what to do instead.

1) Apologizing too much

Saying “sorry” when you’ve made a mistake is a sign of accountability. But over-apologizing? That can make you seem uncertain or lacking confidence.

If you find yourself saying sorry for things that don’t require an apology—like asking a question, taking up space in a conversation, or even just expressing an opinion—you might be unintentionally undermining your own credibility.

Instead, try swapping out unnecessary apologies with more confident language. Instead of “Sorry for bothering you,” say “I appreciate your time.” Small shifts like this can make a big difference in how others perceive your competence.

2) Using filler words too often

I used to think saying “um,” “like,” and “you know” was just a normal part of conversation. That is, until I watched a recording of myself giving a presentation.

Every few seconds, I filled the silence with a nervous “uh.” Instead of sounding confident and knowledgeable, I came across as unsure—even when I knew exactly what I was talking about.

Filler words can make you seem less polished and competent, especially in professional settings. The best way to fix this? Practice pausing instead. A short moment of silence is far more powerful than a string of unnecessary words.

3) Downplaying your achievements

I used to brush off compliments all the time.

If someone praised my work, I’d say, “Oh, it was nothing.” If I hit a big milestone, I’d downplay it—“I just got lucky.” I thought I was being humble. But in reality, I was training people to see me as less capable than I actually was.

Here’s the truth: If you don’t take your own skills seriously, why should anyone else?

You don’t have to brag, but own your accomplishments. Instead of dismissing a compliment, try a simple “Thank you, I worked really hard on that.” Confidence isn’t arrogance—it’s knowing what you bring to the table and not being afraid to stand by it.

4) Speaking too fast

Rushing through your words can make you seem nervous, unprepared, or even unsure of what you’re saying—even if you know exactly what you’re talking about.

When you speak too fast, people have a harder time processing your message. Worse, it can make you appear as though you’re seeking approval rather than leading the conversation with confidence.

Slowing down shows control. It gives your words weight. And it makes others more likely to listen—and take you seriously.

5) Avoiding eye contact

Did you know people decide how trustworthy and competent you seem within seconds of meeting you? And one of the biggest factors? Eye contact.

If you constantly look away, stare at the floor, or avoid meeting someone’s gaze, it can make you seem uncertain or uncomfortable—even if you’re completely confident in what you’re saying.

Strong but natural eye contact signals confidence and authority. You don’t need to lock eyes the entire time, but looking at someone when you speak and listen helps build trust and makes your words carry more weight.

6) Being too afraid to ask questions

I used to think asking questions would make me look inexperienced. So instead, I’d stay quiet, nod along, and hope I could figure things out later.

But here’s what I’ve learned—people who ask thoughtful questions don’t look incompetent. They look engaged. Curious. Willing to learn.

No one expects you to have all the answers. And honestly? The most competent people aren’t the ones who pretend to know everything—they’re the ones who ask the right questions at the right time.

7) Second-guessing yourself out loud

Phrases like “I could be wrong, but…” or “This might be a dumb idea, but…” instantly weaken whatever you say next.

You might think you’re just being cautious, but all it does is make people doubt you—sometimes before they’ve even heard your full thought.

If you have an idea, share it with confidence. Let your words stand on their own. If there’s room for discussion, trust that others will engage with it—without you needing to undercut yourself first.

The bottom line

Competence isn’t just about what you know—it’s also about how you present yourself.

The good news? Small shifts in how you speak, carry yourself, and respond to situations can change the way others perceive you. And more importantly, how you perceive yourself.

Start paying attention to your habits. Notice when you downplay your ideas, rush through your words, or hesitate to take up space. The more aware you become, the easier it is to adjust.

Confidence isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about trusting that what you bring to the table is valuable. And when you do, others will too.