I remember sitting in a coffee shop once, watching a friend grapple with a huge career decision—one he said he couldn’t talk through with his family.
It struck me how casually I’d dial my mom when I felt stuck, and how that safety net wasn’t there for everyone.
Some of us grew up with parents who were consistently available for guidance, while others had to forge their own paths, no matter how young they were.
And over time, that gap can shape a person’s approach to problem-solving, relationships, and even self-worth.
I’ve noticed that those who didn’t—or still don’t—feel able to turn to their parents often display certain patterns without even knowing it.
These behaviors might manifest in personal or professional settings, and they frequently stem from the reality of having to figure things out alone.
Below are seven common behaviors I’ve observed, backed by research and insights from psychology articles and personal conversations. Let’s dive in:
1) They rely heavily on themselves
When you don’t have someone you can call for advice at a moment’s notice, you learn to be your own primary support system.
This can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, the ability to stand on your own two feet fosters independence and resilience.
You become resourceful because you have no choice—your successes and failures rest on your shoulders.
But as empowering as that self-reliance can be, it also means you might rarely ask others for help, even when you’re overwhelmed.
It’s like a muscle you never learned to exercise.
But the truth is, too much on self-sufficiency can lead to burnout and loneliness, precisely because you’re not accustomed to opening up or sharing burdens.
For people who had to do things solo from a young age, it might seem like a survival instinct: “I had to take care of myself then, so I should always take care of myself now.”
The challenge is recognizing that sometimes asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.
2) They find it hard to trust authority figures
Lacking a stable parental figure—or not trusting one—can bleed into how you relate to any authority.
Bosses, mentors, teachers… you might default to questioning their motives because the very first authority figures in your life weren’t reliable or supportive in the ways you needed.
I’ve seen people in my consulting work who struggle to accept feedback from superiors because their guard is permanently up.
They assume authority might fail them, dismiss them, or misunderstand them.
You see when early trust is broken or never fully formed, the brain learns to keep its emotional armor on.
It isn’t always conscious, but it can show up in subtle ways like resisting guidance or second-guessing every piece of advice.
That protective layer once served a purpose—to keep you safe in an environment where you couldn’t rely on parental help. The catch is, if it remains, it can make honest collaboration and growth tough in adulthood.
3) They have a tendency to overthink decisions
Decision-making gets complicated when you’ve never had a steady voice telling you, “I believe in you,” or “This might be the right path for you.”
Without that consistent reassurance, some folks become chronic overthinkers.
They’ll make pros-and-cons lists until the page is full, seek endless opinions from friends or colleagues, and still second-guess themselves afterward.
I used to think overanalysis was just a personality quirk, but in conversations with friends who grew up without strong parental guidance, a pattern emerged.
They never had someone to provide that initial validation or gut check. So the internal monologue becomes, “What if I mess this up?” or “I wish I had someone to confirm I’m doing the right thing.”
Psych Central suggests that a lack of early emotional support can lead to heightened anxiety around choices, big or small.
When no parental figure was there to say, “Go for it,” you may automatically slow your roll before every leap. It’s a habit rooted in fear of making the wrong move when you don’t have a safety net.
4) They might confuse independence with isolation
The line between being independent and being isolated can get blurred if you grew up feeling you couldn’t lean on your parents.
Independence feels empowering—you don’t owe explanations, you rely on your own skill set, and you can take pride in figuring things out.
Yet, there’s a subtle point where independence crosses over into emotional distance. Some people lock themselves into a fortress of solitude, convinced they must handle everything alone.
I’ve noticed it in folks who never share personal struggles with their partners or close friends.
They’re so used to being the only reliable pillar in their own lives that letting someone else in seems unnatural or risky.
They might even push people away if they sense they’re “needy” or reliant. This can be a defense mechanism—a way to ensure no one has the power to disappoint you like your parents once did. The danger is missing out on genuine connection and support from people who are, in fact, willing to be there.
5) They might become “people-pleasers”
On the flip side, some individuals who lacked parental guidance want so badly to be accepted, validated, or “good enough” for others that they slip into people-pleasing behavior.
Perhaps as children, they had to do extra chores or be extra agreeable to catch their parents’ limited attention. So, in adulthood, they carry that pattern forward and consistently put others’ needs above their own.
I see this happen when they worry that any disagreement or boundary will lead to abandonment, just like they felt abandoned by their caregivers.
So they’ll say yes to tasks at work they don’t actually have time for, they’ll do favors for friends even when it adds to their stress, and they’ll hide their true opinions to keep the peace.
According to Choosing Therapy, people-pleasing often emerges from a fear of rejection rooted in childhood. If there was no reliable support system at home, you might do anything to ensure the people around you stick around.
6) They may struggle with emotional intimacy
If you never had parents who could be your rock—someone to confide in—sharing deep feelings might be foreign territory.
It’s not that you don’t want to open up; you just don’t really know how. Intimacy often involves letting others see the vulnerable parts of you, acknowledging your fears and insecurities, and trusting they won’t use them against you.
But if your earliest experiences involved emotional neglect or consistent letdowns, those vulnerabilities feel risky to share.
As a result, you might change the subject when conversations get too real, laugh off serious questions about how you’re doing, or simply keep your relationships at surface level.
Research cited on Verywell Mind explains that individuals who’ve experienced a lack of emotional support in childhood can develop “emotional numbness” or a guarded state, making genuine closeness hard.
Overcoming this barrier usually starts with practicing vulnerability in safe spaces—perhaps with a therapist or a trusted friend—and gradually building up your comfort zone.
7) They tend to be hypercritical of themselves
I’ve heard so many friends confess that because they never had parents telling them, “It’s okay, you’re doing your best,” they internalized a harsh inner critic.
It’s as though they needed to be perfect or unstoppable to compensate for not having guidance.
Mistakes weren’t just missteps—they were proof of their worst fears: that they weren’t good enough.
This hypercriticism can spiral into anxiety and even depression if left unchecked.
A piece I read on Psych Central mentioned that children who never felt consistent support often struggle to form a stable sense of self-esteem. They measure themselves against unrealistic standards because nobody was there to say, “You did well, and if you stumble, I’m here.”
Instead, they had to measure up on their own. As adults, that voice follows them around, undercutting their achievements and amplifying their flaws.
Identifying these self-critical patterns is crucial. When you realize your expectations might be rooted in a childhood lacking supportive feedback, you’re better equipped to replace that negativity with more balanced, compassionate thoughts.
Moving Forward
If these behaviors resonate with you or someone you know, the most important takeaway is that self-awareness is a powerful starting point.
Recognizing why you tend to overthink or push people away allows you to choose new ways of relating to yourself and others.
You might find it helpful to seek professional support—therapy, coaching, or a support group.
There’s no shame in wanting guidance if you missed out on it before.
Building trust in others, learning to ask for help, or making peace with your own vulnerability can feel like you’re learning a new language. But each step you take leads to healthier, more authentic connections and a quieter mind.
Ultimately, forging your own path in life is admirable, and you might be far stronger for it.
Still, letting people in and giving yourself grace can reduce the loneliness that sometimes comes with that strength.
Our past may have shaped us, but it doesn’t have to trap us. By acknowledging these hidden behaviors and replacing them with healthier habits, you can move forward with more confidence, better relationships, and a sense of genuine self-acceptance.
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