When my kids were growing up, I thought I was nailing the parenting game. I was there for their milestones, supported their dreams, and taught them the values I held dear.
But now, as they’ve grown into adults, they’re harboring resentment.
Facing this reality was hard. It felt like a punch in the gut.
But here’s the kicker: I’ve chosen to face my parenting regrets head-on, not bury them.
Navigating through this emotional minefield hasn’t been easy, but it’s necessary. And guess what? It’s bringing about some surprising revelations and unexpected growth – for them and me.
So let’s delve into my journey of making peace with my past parenting choices. It’s a rough ride, but it’s one worth taking.
Hopefully, my story can shed some light on this seldom-discussed aspect of parenthood and entrepreneurship – finding a balance between raising children and running a business.
1) Acceptance is the first step
The hardest pill to swallow? Acknowledging that my kids hold resentment.
It’s a bitter reality, one that kept me up many nights. But the first step towards making peace with my parenting regrets was accepting this truth.
This wasn’t about placing blame or feeling guilty. It was about understanding that my actions, regardless of intention, had consequences that affected my children in ways I didn’t foresee.
And let’s be real, as parents, we often operate on instinct and best intentions. It’s a learning process and sometimes we get it wrong.
But, as an entrepreneur, I’ve learned that mistakes can be the biggest catalysts for growth. It’s about learning from them, not dwelling on them.
So, I took a deep breath and accepted my mistakes. This acknowledgment opened the door for open conversations with my children, discussions that were long overdue.
And just like in business, acknowledging your shortcomings is the first step towards improvement.
2) Listening with an open heart
I remember the first time I sat down with my eldest, James, to discuss his feelings of resentment.
I had always considered myself a good listener.
But this wasn’t about just hearing James’s words; it was about truly understanding his feelings and perspective.
And let me tell you, it was a gut-wrenching conversation.
Hearing about the times he felt overlooked, or how my constant preoccupation with work made him feel less valued… it was tough.
But instead of getting defensive or justifying my actions, I chose to stay quiet and listen.
I let him vent out years of suppressed feelings without interruption.
In that moment, I wasn’t just his parent; I was his confidante. And that made all the difference.
Just like in business negotiations or team meetings, sometimes all you need to do is listen – truly listen.
It’s amazing how much you can learn when you simply give others the space to express themselves.
3) Learning to say sorry
Apologizing is powerful. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness.
Apologies can repair relationships, ease feelings of hurt and foster a sense of empathy.
But saying sorry goes beyond just the words. It’s about expressing genuine remorse for your actions and demonstrating a commitment to change.
I had to apologize to my children for the mistakes I made while raising them.
It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but also one of the most cathartic.
Just as in a business setting where acknowledging a mistake can turn a situation around, so too can it mend strained relationships in our personal lives.
4) Making amends through actions
As the old saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.”
Apologies and conversations are a good starting point, but real change comes from demonstrating through your actions that you’re committed to making things better.
For me, this meant setting aside dedicated time for my children, making sure I was present and engaged, not just physically there but emotionally invested too.
It meant prioritizing their needs over my work on occasion, and showing them they mattered more to me than any business deal.
In the same way that we make changes in our business strategies based on feedback and past failures, I had to adjust my parenting approach based on my children’s feedback.
And while it wasn’t easy, it was definitely worth it.
5) Patience is my new mantra
I quickly realized that healing takes time. Just as I couldn’t expect my business to flourish overnight, I couldn’t expect my children’s resentment to vanish instantly.
I had to be patient. I had to give them space and time to process their feelings, to absorb the changes I was making, and to heal at their own pace.
I also had to be patient with myself. I was learning and growing too, and that meant making more mistakes along the way.
But through it all, I kept reminding myself that it’s a journey, not a race.
After all, in the world of business and parenting alike, patience truly is a virtue.
6) Embracing the discomfort
It seems odd, but I’ve found that there’s a certain power in being uncomfortable.
When we’re uncomfortable, it often means we’re confronting something head-on, breaking new ground and stepping out of our comfort zones.
And that’s exactly what I had to do – face my parenting regrets and the discomfort they brought.
Instead of running away from the hard conversations and unresolved issues, I embraced them.
I let myself feel the unease, the guilt, and even the shame, because I knew it was part of the healing process.
In business, we often have to tackle difficult situations or confront uncomfortable truths to move forward.
The same principle applies in personal life too – sometimes you need to embrace the discomfort to pave the way for growth and healing.
7) Cultivating a growth mindset
One of the biggest shifts for me was transitioning from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset – a concept I learned in my entrepreneurial journey.
A fixed mindset believes abilities and situations are set in stone, while a growth mindset embraces the idea that skills can be developed and situations can improve through dedication and hard work.
I began to apply this concept to my relationship with my children.
Instead of viewing my parenting regrets as permanent mistakes, I saw them as opportunities for growth and learning.
With this new outlook, I found the strength to face my shortcomings as a parent, learn from them, and most importantly, make the necessary changes to foster healthier relationships with my children.
Just like in business, adopting a growth mindset can be transformative in our personal lives too.
It empowers us to learn from our past, adapt to the present, and shape our future in meaningful ways.
8) Love is the driving force
At the end of the day, my love for my children is what fuels this journey.
It’s this love that made me face my parenting regrets. It’s this love that helped me listen to their grievances, apologize, make amends, and strive for change.
Because when you love someone, you want what’s best for them. And sometimes, that means facing hard truths about yourself and your actions.
Whether in business or personal life, love – for your work, your team, or your family – can be a powerful motivator to become a better version of yourself.
And that’s the most important thing I’ve learned on this journey.
Reflections on this journey
As you navigate through my story, I hope you recognize that making peace with parenting regrets isn’t about self-pity or dwelling in the past.
It’s about growth, understanding, and most importantly, love.
The process of confronting my mistakes, listening to my children’s feelings, and making amends wasn’t easy. But it has been one of the most rewarding journeys of my life.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about being a parent; it’s about being human. We all make mistakes.
We all have regrets. But it’s how we learn from them that defines us.
As the author Haruki Murakami once wrote, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
We can choose to suffer in our regrets, or we can choose to learn from them and grow.
As you reflect on your own journey – as a parent, an entrepreneur, or simply as a person – remember that it’s never too late to grow. It’s never too late to change.
And it’s never too late to make peace with your past.
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