I always struggled to connect with people. These 7 lessons from “How to Win Friends & Influence People” changed my life.

I used to think that being naturally outgoing was the key to building strong connections.

Some people just had it, and some didn’t.

I put myself in the second category.

No matter how hard I tried, conversations felt forced. Networking events were exhausting. And forming genuine friendships? That felt nearly impossible.

Then I picked up How to Win Friends & Influence People—and everything changed.

It turns out, connecting with others isn’t about having an effortless charm or saying all the right things. It’s about understanding people, making them feel valued, and shifting how you approach interactions.

Here are seven lessons from the book that completely transformed the way I communicate—and helped me finally build meaningful relationships.

1) Stop trying to impress people

You see, I thought the best way to connect with others was to prove my worth.

I’d talk about my achievements, share my opinions a little too eagerly, and try to show that I had something valuable to offer.

But instead of drawing people in, it pushed them away.

One of the biggest lessons from How to Win Friends & Influence People is that people don’t connect with you because of how impressive you are—they connect because of how you make them feel.

The moment I stopped trying to prove myself and started focusing on others—asking about their interests, genuinely listening, and showing appreciation—I noticed a shift.

Conversations flowed more easily. People opened up. And for the first time, I felt like I was truly connecting.

2) Remember people’s names

I used to be terrible at remembering names.

I’d meet someone, shake their hand, and within seconds, their name would slip from my mind. Then, the next time I saw them, I’d awkwardly avoid saying their name altogether—hoping they wouldn’t notice.

It made my interactions feel distant and impersonal.

In How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie emphasizes that a person’s name is the sweetest sound to them. Remembering it—and using it—shows that you value them as an individual.

So I started making a conscious effort. After meeting someone, I’d repeat their name in conversation, associate it with something memorable, or even jot it down later.

The difference was incredible. People lit up when I greeted them by name, and conversations felt instantly warmer. It was such a small change, but it completely transformed how I connected with others.

3) Talk less, listen more

For years, I thought being interesting meant having a lot to say.

So I’d fill silences with stories, opinions, and whatever thoughts came to mind—thinking that if I could keep the conversation going, people would enjoy talking to me.

But deep down, I knew something wasn’t working.

I’d walk away from interactions feeling like I hadn’t really connected. People seemed polite but distant. And honestly? I was exhausted from trying so hard.

Then I read How to Win Friends & Influence People, and one lesson hit me hard: People don’t want to hear about you—they want to feel heard themselves.

So I tried something different. Instead of focusing on what I’d say next, I leaned in. Asked questions. Let people talk about their experiences without rushing to add my own.

And suddenly, everything changed.

People opened up in ways they never had before. Conversations felt effortless. And for the first time, I realized—being a great listener makes you far more interesting than talking ever could.

4) Make the other person feel important

I used to assume that if people liked me, they’d naturally want to be around me.

But the truth is, people don’t connect with you because of who you are. They connect because of how you make them feel.

One of the biggest lessons from How to Win Friends & Influence People is that everyone wants to feel valued, respected, and appreciated. When you give that to people—genuinely—it changes everything.

I started noticing little things I could do differently. Complimenting someone on their work. Remembering small details they’d shared with me. Acknowledging their efforts when no one else did.

It wasn’t about flattery or being fake—it was about recognizing others in a way that made them feel seen.

And the more I did it, the more real connections I built. Because at the end of the day, people don’t remember every word you say—but they’ll always remember how you made them feel.

5) Smile more

I never realized how much my face affected the way people responded to me.

I wasn’t unfriendly—I just didn’t think about it. If I was deep in thought or feeling neutral, my face showed it. And without meaning to, I probably looked distant or unapproachable.

Then I read something in How to Win Friends & Influence People that stuck with me: Babies learn to smile before they can talk, and yet, as adults, we often forget how powerful a simple smile can be.

So I made a small change. I smiled more when greeting people, during conversations, even in passing interactions. Not a forced, exaggerated grin—just a genuine expression of warmth.

And almost instantly, people responded differently. They opened up faster. Conversations felt lighter. Strangers were friendlier.

It was such an easy shift, but it made connecting with others feel effortless.

6) See things from the other person’s perspective

For a long time, I struggled to understand why some conversations felt tense or why certain people seemed distant.

I’d assume they were just in a bad mood or that we simply didn’t click.

But How to Win Friends & Influence People taught me something I hadn’t considered: Everyone has a reason for the way they act, and if you take a moment to see things from their perspective, everything changes.

So instead of getting frustrated when someone was short with me, I started wondering what kind of day they were having.

Instead of assuming someone wasn’t interested in talking, I considered that maybe they were shy or unsure of what to say.

And when I approached people with that mindset—giving them the benefit of the doubt instead of taking things personally—conversations became easier, relationships deepened, and I realized just how much people appreciate being understood.

7) Show genuine appreciation

I used to assume people knew I appreciated them.

But the truth is, most of us go through life without hearing it enough.

One of the biggest lessons from How to Win Friends & Influence People is that sincere appreciation—not flattery, not empty compliments, but real acknowledgment—can completely transform relationships.

So I started saying it out loud. Thanking people for their time. Noticing their efforts. Letting them know when something they did made a difference.

And what surprised me most wasn’t just how much it meant to them—but how much stronger our connection became because of it.

The bottom line

Connecting with people isn’t about being naturally charismatic or saying the perfect thing.

It’s about making others feel heard, valued, and understood.

The small shifts—listening more, remembering names, showing genuine appreciation—can make the biggest difference.

At first, it might feel unnatural. Old habits take time to break. But with practice, these changes become second nature.

And when they do, relationships start to feel effortless. Conversations become meaningful. The walls that once made connection difficult begin to fall away.

People may not remember every word you say, but they’ll always remember how you made them feel. Make that your focus, and connection will follow.