I used to think that staying calm in stressful times was all about finding the right techniques—breathing exercises, meditation, maybe even just taking a break.
But over time, I realized that my biggest obstacles weren’t external pressures or difficult situations. They were the thought patterns running in the background—subtle, self-destructive beliefs that fueled stress and made it harder to stay grounded.
Once I identified these patterns and let them go, everything changed. I wasn’t just managing stress—I was transforming the way I responded to challenges.
If you want to maintain a calm mindset in stressful times, say goodbye to these seven self-destructive thought patterns.
1) What you can’t control
One of the biggest sources of stress is trying to control things that are simply out of our hands.
I used to spend so much energy worrying about external circumstances—other people’s opinions, unpredictable setbacks, or situations that didn’t go as planned. The more I tried to control everything, the more anxious and frustrated I became.
The truth is, real peace comes from focusing only on what’s within your power: your actions, your mindset, and how you choose to respond. When you let go of the rest, you free up mental space for creativity, problem-solving, and resilience.
Stop wasting energy on things beyond your control. Focus on what you can change, and let the rest go.
2) Believing every thought you have
Your mind is constantly generating thoughts, but not all of them are true or useful.
I used to believe that if I thought something—especially a fear or self-doubt—it must be worth paying attention to. But the more I entertained these thoughts, the more they controlled me, amplifying stress and making challenges seem bigger than they really were.
The breakthrough came when I realized I didn’t have to accept every thought as reality. Instead, I started questioning them. Is this actually true? Is this thought helping me or holding me back?
Most of the time, it was just my mind running on autopilot, recycling old fears and insecurities.
You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts. As Eckhart Tolle said, “Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.”
3) Mental conditioning
A lot of stress doesn’t come from the present moment—it comes from deeply ingrained beliefs and societal conditioning that shape how we see ourselves and our challenges.
For years, I carried unconscious thought patterns that weren’t even mine. Expectations from society, old fears, and limiting beliefs kept me stuck in cycles of stress and frustration.
It wasn’t until I actively worked to break free from this conditioning that I started to experience real mental clarity and emotional freedom.
If you want to move past self-destructive thought patterns, you need to challenge the mental programming that holds you back. The Free Your Mind masterclass with shaman Rudá Iandê is an incredible resource for this.
It helps you dismantle limiting beliefs, reconnect with your true self, and develop a mindset rooted in authenticity and freedom.
When you stop living by inherited narratives and start thinking for yourself, stress loses its grip on you. Check out the masterclass here and start freeing your mind today.
4) Letting guilt control you
Guilt is one of the most powerful tools of mental conditioning. It keeps you stuck in cycles of self-doubt, making you feel like you’re never doing enough, never being enough.
But here’s the truth—most of the guilt you carry isn’t even yours. It’s been placed on you by societal expectations, past experiences, and voices in your head telling you who you should be.
And if you don’t question it, it will quietly shape your decisions, keeping you small and disconnected from what truly matters.
Letting go of unnecessary guilt doesn’t mean ignoring responsibility. It means recognizing when guilt is being used as a weapon against your peace of mind.
It means learning to forgive yourself and move forward without carrying weight that was never yours to bear.
So ask yourself—how much of your stress comes from guilt that isn’t even yours to hold?
5) Chasing happiness
The more you chase happiness, the more it slips through your fingers.
We’re conditioned to believe that if we just achieve the right things—success, money, recognition—we’ll finally feel at peace.
But when happiness becomes the goal, every obstacle feels like a failure, every setback like proof that we’re not where we should be. This constant pursuit creates stress, not relief.
Real peace doesn’t come from chasing an ideal state. It comes from fully engaging with life as it is—embracing challenges, learning from failure, and finding meaning in the process.
When you stop obsessing over happiness and start focusing on living with intention and alignment, a calm mindset becomes natural.
Stop running after happiness. Live with purpose, and peace will follow.
6) Expecting life to be fair
Life isn’t fair, and the sooner you accept that, the calmer you’ll be.
We grow up believing that if we work hard, do the right things, and treat people well, life will reward us.
But reality doesn’t follow a predictable script—sometimes effort goes unnoticed, good people face hardships, and unfair things happen for no reason at all.
Clinging to the idea that life should be fair only creates frustration and resentment. It keeps you stuck in stress, constantly measuring your situation against some imagined version of how things should be.
But when you let go of this expectation, you free yourself to focus on what actually matters—adapting, learning, and moving forward no matter what happens.
The more you accept that life doesn’t owe you fairness, the more resilient and calm you’ll become in the face of challenges.
7) Trying to please everyone
Trying to keep everyone happy is a losing battle.
No matter what you do, there will always be someone who disagrees with you, judges you, or expects more than you can give. If you spend your energy trying to meet everyone’s expectations, you’ll burn out—and worse, you’ll lose sight of yourself in the process.
True peace comes from knowing who you are and standing by it. That means setting boundaries, saying no when needed, and accepting that not everyone will like your choices—and that’s okay.
Your life isn’t meant to be lived for the approval of others; it’s meant to be lived in alignment with what truly matters to you.
The less energy you waste on pleasing others, the more space you create for real peace within yourself.
Find peace by freeing your mind
Calmness isn’t something you force—it’s something that naturally arises when you stop holding onto the thoughts and beliefs that create unnecessary stress.
By letting go of guilt, unrealistic expectations, and the need to control everything, you free yourself to navigate life with more clarity and resilience.
True peace doesn’t come from avoiding challenges or chasing external validation. It comes from breaking free of mental conditioning and choosing to live with intention.
If you’re ready to go deeper and free your mind from the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck, I highly recommend the Free Your Mind masterclass with Rudá Iandê.
This masterclass, which I helped produce, is designed to help you dismantle inherited narratives, develop a mindset rooted in authenticity, and cultivate real mental freedom.
Rudá guides participants through powerful exercises to break free from societal conditioning, overcome self-imposed limitations, and create a life that aligns with their true values.
If you’re serious about maintaining a calm mindset in stressful times, this journey is worth taking.
Join the masterclass here and start freeing your mind today.
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