I used to take every criticism personally. It felt like proof that I wasn’t good enough. Here’s how I learned to use it as a tool for growth instead.

I remember a time when just a single critical comment could derail my entire day.

If someone suggested an improvement in my work, I took it as an attack on my character. If I posted something on social media and got less-than-flattering remarks, it felt like a personal insult.

It was as if every piece of criticism went straight to my self-esteem, proving (at least in my mind) that I wasn’t measuring up.

I’ve come a long way since then, though it certainly didn’t happen overnight.

A few years ago, I realized my defensive reactions were costing me valuable insights. I started to wonder how to actually use feedback—particularly the harsh kind—to boost my skills and confidence rather than seeing it as a threat.

Since then, I’ve turned what used to be a major sore spot into something I could leverage for personal and professional growth.

And the best part is that I’m not lying awake at night worrying over what random internet commenters think of me anymore.

1) Realize that criticism is not a verdict

Early on in my career, I assumed that being criticized meant I had failed somehow.

Whether it was about an article I wrote, the way I managed a client project, or the approach I took in launching a new product, the negative feedback felt like a final judgment on me.

It took a major mindset shift to see that a critique doesn’t equal a final statement on my worth.

It helped to remind myself that feedback comes from people with different perspectives and experiences. They may pick up on issues or see possibilities in ways I hadn’t considered.

This doesn’t mean I have to accept every negative comment as truth. It just means that there’s a nugget of information worth considering.

If someone says, “Your presentation was too data-heavy,” I can learn to balance charts with more personal stories next time.

If another person says, “I found your packaging a bit confusing,” that’s an invitation to clarify the messaging.

Criticism is like a spotlight on areas that might need improvement, and that spotlight is not a prison sentence. It’s just illuminating something I can examine.

2) Shift from judgment to curiosity

It’s incredible how one small tweak in perspective changes the entire experience of receiving feedback.

I used to hear negative comments and immediately jump to defending myself.

Now, I try to get curious about why the person made that remark. Did my tone come across too stiff? Was there a misunderstanding? Did I use confusing terminology?

Curiosity opens the door to better questions: “What did I overlook?” or “Is there any part of that criticism that actually resonates with me?”

I no longer see the critic as an enemy but as someone offering a window into how my work or behavior might be perceived.

Granted, not all feedback is polite or constructive, but even harsh remarks can prompt me to ask, “What’s driving their reaction?”

By swapping defensiveness for a genuine desire to learn, I discovered I could glean insights from almost any situation—even a rude tweet or a harsh email. It feels so much lighter to approach the world with curiosity instead of a fear of judgment.

3) Seek feedback from trusted sources

I’ve learned that not all criticism is created equal.

One of the best decisions I made was curating a circle of people whose opinions I respect. These are folks who understand my goals, my industry, and my personality well enough to offer feedback in context.

Whether it’s my husband (who’s a software developer and has a more systematic approach), or a long-time friend who’s also an entrepreneur, I rely on their input because I know they have my best interests at heart.

When you find your “feedback tribe,” you can bounce ideas off them before you put something out into the world.

For instance, if I’m writing a piece on entrepreneurship or planning a new feature for an online membership platform, I run it by this trusted circle. That way, if the criticism comes, it’s something I can handle better because I’ve already stress-tested my ideas.

Of course, I still pay attention to criticisms from the broader public or my readers online. But I also understand that some critiques don’t carry the same weight if they’re from people who aren’t really in my target audience or don’t share similar values.

Listening to everyone equally can water down your vision. So, while it’s crucial to keep an ear open for unexpected insights, it’s also wise to filter out the white noise and pay special attention to voices you genuinely trust.

4) Learn to reframe negative comments

One approach that has changed how I handle criticism is reframing.

Instead of saying, “This person thinks my work is terrible,” I’ll say, “They’re pointing out an area that might need more attention.”

If someone criticizes my speaking style, I can see it as, “Alright, I might need to include more real-life examples to keep the audience engaged,” rather than “I’m a horrible speaker and should never do public engagements again.”

I like referencing simple psychological concepts that help me interpret feedback in a healthier way.

One such concept is “cognitive reappraisal,” which I read about in a Psychology Today article. It basically means shifting our interpretation of a situation to change its emotional impact.

So, if I get a stinging comment about something I said on a livestream, I now try to pause and think, “What can I learn from this?” instead of, “I can’t believe someone just insulted me.”

Of course, reframing doesn’t always happen right away. Sometimes, I have to give myself a moment (or a day) to feel all the emotions that come with harsh feedback.

But once I’ve had my venting session, I move into “reframing mode,” focusing on the constructive parts of the criticism and letting the rest go.

5) Build an inner support system

There was a quote I stumbled upon from Carl Lewis that went something like, “If you don’t have confidence, you’ll always find a way not to win.”

I interpret that as a reminder that without a solid internal foundation, it’s easy to let external criticism erode your sense of self-worth.

I used to rely too heavily on applause or approval from others to feel good. The moment I faced disapproval, my confidence came crashing down.

Over time, I realized that one of the best ways to handle criticism is to develop internal resilience—this means recognizing your strengths and being honest about your weaknesses.

I learned to say, “Yes, I’m pretty good at identifying emerging trends in tech, but I could do better with public speaking.”

That level of self-awareness means I’m less shaken when someone points out a flaw, because I already know it’s something I’m working on. It stops being a secret shame, and starts being a project in progress.

I also keep track of the compliments and successes that matter to me. That’s not to inflate my ego, but to ensure I have a balanced perspective.

For example, if I receive a thoughtful thank-you note from a client whose startup I helped, I save it. On days when criticism feels extra heavy, I’ll glance at that note and remember that my work does make a difference.

6) Turn feedback into actionable steps

One of the most empowering shifts was learning to ask, “How can I use this piece of criticism to make things better?”

For example, if I release an e-commerce product and someone complains about the user interface, I don’t just shrug it off. I investigate what went wrong: Did my design team miss user-testing steps? Did we fail to provide adequate instructions?

I break down the feedback into concrete tasks—maybe that means revamping the layout or adding a quick tutorial video.

Instead of letting it knock me down, I treat it like free consulting (though sometimes given in an unkind way).

When I build that mindset into my routines, criticism stops feeling like an uninvited intruder and starts feeling like a helpful colleague.

It doesn’t mean it’s always easy to hear. But when I ask, “What am I supposed to do with this information?” I shift into a proactive state of mind.

7) Give yourself grace when you’re learning

Handling criticism well takes practice.

There were times I thought, “Great, I finally figured out how to handle negative comments,” only to find myself spiraling again after reading a particularly harsh review.

I realized that just as we learn any new skill—like coding or public speaking—learning how to manage criticism is an ongoing process that involves slip-ups and course corrections.

I used to think everyone else had a thicker skin than I did. Over time, I’ve learned that some of the most accomplished people I admire also take criticism hard.

The difference is that they don’t let it paralyze them. They might get upset or angry or disappointed, but they eventually channel those emotions into problem-solving or self-improvement.

When I find myself slipping back into old habits of taking everything too personally, I remind myself that progress is rarely linear. Just like building any other aspect of personal resilience, dealing with feedback requires consistent effort.

And yes, it’s absolutely fine to vent to a friend, take a break from social media for a week, or even cry it out if a comment really stings. Giving yourself permission to feel hurt—but not staying in that hurt—can be liberating.

Wrapping up

Criticism used to be a real sore spot for me, but learning to navigate it has opened up a whole new world of personal and professional growth.

I’ve gone from feeling personally attacked by every negative remark to actually welcoming a certain level of honest feedback because it helps me see what I can do better.

If you’re finding yourself in that anxious space—where a single critique can knock you off balance—take heart. It’s entirely possible to shift from feeling wounded to feeling empowered.

Ultimately, the key is to accept that no one’s perfect and that everyone has room to evolve.

And when you frame criticism as a tool for growth rather than a weapon of judgment, you’ll find that your mindset, your results, and your overall confidence begin to soar.