I sometimes catch myself wondering why it feels like I’m running in place. No matter how many books I read or strategies I try, I’ll have days when it seems that something is quietly holding me back from leveling up.
Over the years, I’ve noticed a pattern: the biggest obstacles in our personal growth aren’t always big, obvious mistakes. Very often, they’re the subtle, everyday habits that quietly chip away at our confidence and momentum. These can be so sneaky that we don’t even recognize them as problematic.
In my own journey—whether I’m juggling family commitments, researching for a project, or guiding entrepreneurs—I’ve had to unlearn several of these behaviors.
Becoming aware of them is often the hardest part, but once you shine a light on the subtle pitfalls, you can begin the process of tweaking your mindset, shifting your approach, and showing up as a stronger, more grounded version of yourself.
Let’s dive into a few common habits that might be more damaging than we realize.
1. Setting impossible standards
Let’s start with a classic: perfectionism. I used to believe that aiming for flawlessness was a badge of honor.
If I were perfect—or close to it—that meant I was doing my very best, right? But I’ve learned that striving for perfection often led to procrastination. I’d freeze whenever a project demanded creativity because I felt an internal pressure to meet an unrealistically high standard.
This perfectionist mindset can also spill over into how we approach relationships, parenting, and even our health. According to Psych Central, perfectionism is closely linked to anxiety and depression because the fear of failing or not measuring up creates constant inner stress. When you set the bar too high, you’re more likely to criticize yourself and never feel satisfied with your progress.
Instead, try shifting your focus to incremental improvements. My mantra these days is: “Make it a little bit better, not absolutely perfect.” That small mindset switch can free you to experiment, make mistakes, learn, and keep moving forward without feeling paralyzed.
2. Overthinking your every move
I’ve always enjoyed analyzing different angles of a problem, but there’s a point where helpful analysis morphs into excessive rumination.
It’s like walking a mental hamster wheel. You’re expending energy, but not actually moving anywhere. The temptation to dissect every scenario down to the tiniest detail can leave you feeling mentally exhausted, and ironically, less prepared.
I once spent weeks overthinking how to approach a new client for my consulting work. I went through endless “What if?” scenarios in my head, seeking the perfect pitch. In the end, I realized I had wasted valuable time.
Overthinking often stems from the fear of making the wrong choice, but staying stuck in endless loops of consideration can be far riskier than taking a bold step forward.
A study cited in Psychology Today explains that excessive rumination can heighten stress levels and erode mental well-being. The key is to recognize when you’re merely cycling through the same thoughts.
When you catch yourself doing that, try taking one small action—even if it’s just sending that email or making a phone call. Forward motion helps break the loop of circular thinking.
3. Neglecting self-care
It’s no secret that self-care is critical, yet it’s surprisingly easy to let it slip down the priority list.
I used to justify burning the candle at both ends by telling myself I was being “productive.” But skipping meals, ignoring exercise, or neglecting rest doesn’t ultimately help you achieve more.
Self-care isn’t just bubble baths and spa days (though those can be lovely). It also includes setting boundaries, getting a good night’s sleep, and taking a moment during the day to breathe deeply.
According to Verywell Mind, even a short practice of mindfulness—like spending five minutes with your eyes closed, focusing on your breathing—can reduce stress hormones and clear your head.
If you notice you’re always running on fumes, it might be time to pause and reassess. Small rituals can be a game-changer. For me, that means starting the morning with a brisk walk or making sure I carve out time in the evening to simply unwind with a book—no screens allowed. By prioritizing these small pockets of restoration, I’ve found I’m far more effective in everything else I do.
4. People-pleasing on autopilot
I’m guilty of this one, too. I like harmony in relationships—at work, at home, everywhere. But there’s a difference between being kind and thoughtful, and bending over backwards to satisfy others at the expense of our own well-being.
Saying “yes” to everything (even when you want to say “no”) can burn you out faster than you might realize. Plus, it can breed resentment in the long run.
If I look back, I’ve definitely had moments where I took on extra work commitments I couldn’t handle just so I wouldn’t disappoint anyone. The end result? I ended up disappointing myself and feeling overwhelmed.
It’s okay to be empathetic, considerate, and accommodating to a point. But remember that real connections thrive on honesty. A gentle “I’m sorry, I can’t help this time” is often healthier than forcing yourself into a situation you don’t have the time or energy to handle.
Practicing boundary-setting may feel awkward at first, but it’s a crucial skill for anyone aiming to grow without burning out.
5. Avoiding uncomfortable emotions
We’re hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain, so it’s no wonder many of us instinctively shy away from tough feelings like sadness, anger, or disappointment.
I used to view difficult emotions as signs of weakness or even potential derailers of productivity. Whenever I felt anxiety creeping in, I’d shove it aside, hoping it would vanish if I just ignored it.
But emotions are signals, not distractions. According to Choosing Therapy, acknowledging uncomfortable feelings can actually help us process them more effectively and prevent emotional buildup.
Think about it this way: if you keep stuffing negative emotions into a closet, eventually that closet will overflow and force the door open—often at the most inconvenient times.
A healthier approach might be to practice naming what you’re feeling: “I’m anxious,” “I’m frustrated,” or “I’m disappointed.” Give yourself permission to sit with that emotion briefly, journal about it, or talk it through with someone you trust.
By letting yourself experience the discomfort, you’re better equipped to find a path forward rather than letting suppressed feelings control your actions from the shadows.
6. Talking yourself out of opportunities
I’ve lost count of how many times I nearly passed on an exciting opportunity because I believed I wasn’t ready yet.
That little inner critic loves to whisper, “Who do you think you are to try this?” Whether it was applying for a competitive grant, bidding on a new project, or agreeing to speak at an event, my first reaction was often to doubt my qualifications.
This habit of self-sabotage can be incredibly limiting. The reality is, no one ever feels 100% ready for the next leap. Growth comes from stepping outside our comfort zones and experimenting, even if we feel underprepared.
Psych Central highlights that imposter syndrome—where we constantly fear being exposed as a “fraud”—can stem from setting unrealistically high expectations for ourselves (which ties back to perfectionism).
Next time you’re on the brink of turning something down because of self-doubt, ask yourself: “What if this actually goes well?” By reframing your inner dialogue, you give yourself permission to succeed rather than automatically bracing for failure.
7. Always seeking external validation
When I launched my first small business, I wanted everyone’s approval: my family’s, my friends’, even strangers on social media. At first, external validation felt like the fuel that kept me going. A supportive comment, a thumbs-up, or a congratulatory text message provided a quick boost of confidence.
But the more I chased validation from the outside, the more I lost touch with my own intuition. Over time, I learned that relying heavily on others’ praise can leave you vulnerable. You might find yourself second-guessing every decision or feeling deflated if the positive feedback suddenly stops.
According to several pieces on Psych Central, self-worth that hinges on external approval can lead to anxiety, because you’re constantly worried about what others think.
Finding internal validation means cultivating a sense of self-approval. That can look like celebrating small milestones on your own, acknowledging your own hard work, or reminding yourself of your deeper reasons for doing what you do.
It’s not easy, but once you start recognizing that your worth doesn’t solely depend on outside praise, you regain a powerful sense of autonomy.
8. Filling your schedule to the brim
Sometimes, being busy is worn as a status symbol. I’ve definitely had days where I felt oddly proud of a jam-packed schedule. But being endlessly busy doesn’t necessarily equate to being productive or fulfilled. Often, it just leads to burnout.
When your calendar is so full that you can’t breathe, reflect, or even notice whether you’re truly making progress toward meaningful goals, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. I’ve had weeks where my to-do list was so chaotic that even small tasks felt like climbing Mount Everest. It’s like standing in the middle of a noisy crowd—you can’t hear yourself think.
Try adopting the habit of leaving a little white space in your week. This can be as simple as blocking out an hour of “think time” or “rest time.” It’s in those quieter moments that fresh ideas emerge, and you can check in with yourself about your direction and well-being.
Moving forward
We don’t always realize how much power these subtle, everyday habits hold. They often lurk in the background, shaping our moods, decisions, and self-image. The good news is that once you see them, you can start rewiring your routines and your mindset.
It’s impossible to fix everything overnight. But by consistently bringing awareness to the small habits that drain your energy and undermine your confidence, you’ll find yourself better equipped to thrive—whether that means growing your business, nurturing your family relationships, or simply becoming more at peace with who you are.
Positive change starts with recognizing those little patterns that hold us back. Then it’s all about taking consistent, small steps to undo them. The journey might not always feel smooth, but it’s worth it, one day and one habit at a time.
Feeling stuck in self-doubt?
Stop trying to fix yourself and start embracing who you are. Join the free 7-day self-discovery challenge and learn how to transform negative emotions into personal growth.
