Not all friendships are created equal.
Some friends lift you up, challenge you, and help you grow.
Others? Well, they drain your energy, hold you back, or add little to your life in a meaningful way.
The tricky part is that these friendships don’t always seem obviously harmful. Some of them linger for years simply because they’re familiar.
But the truth is, the people you surround yourself with have a huge impact on your mindset, success, and overall well-being.
So how do you recognize the friendships that are doing more harm than good?
A psychologist has identified seven types of friends who may be adding very little value to your life—without you even realizing it.
1) The constant pessimist
Some friends always seem to have a dark cloud hanging over them.
No matter what’s happening—good or bad—they find a way to focus on the negative.
At first, you might feel like you’re being a supportive friend by listening to their complaints and trying to lift them up.
But over time, their negativity can start to weigh on you, making it harder to stay motivated and optimistic in your own life.
The problem with constant pessimists is that they do the opposite—they drain your energy and make it harder to focus on growth and success.
That doesn’t mean you should abandon a friend who’s going through a tough time but, if someone is always negative, with no effort to change or improve their situation, it might be time to rethink how much space they take up in your life.
2) The one-sided supporter
A few years ago, I had a friend who I constantly cheered on.
Whenever they started a new project, faced a challenge, or needed encouragement, I was there—hyping them up, celebrating their wins, and offering advice when things got tough.
But when it came to my own goals? Silence.
No words of encouragement, no interest in what I was working on; it was as if my ambitions didn’t exist.
At some point, I realized that friendship should be a two-way street.
As psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”
He was right—because everyone deserves friends who truly hear and support them.
If you have people in your life who expect your support but never return the favor, it might be time to step back and ask yourself if that relationship is really worth your energy.
3) The friend who secretly competes with you
There’s a fine line between healthy competition and a so-called “friend” who wants to see you fail.
I once had a friend who, on the surface, seemed supportive.
But every time I achieved something—whether it was a career win, a personal milestone, or even just a small success—they found a way to one-up me or downplay my progress.
If I shared good news, they’d respond with their own “better” achievement or subtly remind me of my past failures.
Over time, I started questioning whether I should even share my wins at all.
In other words, we all have insecurities—but real friends don’t let their own struggles turn into competition at your expense.
Friendship should feel like a safe space, not a battlefield.
4) The friend who only shows up when they need something
We all want to be there for our friends, but there’s a difference between mutual support and a one-sided relationship where someone only reaches out when they need a favor.
I used to have a friend like this.
They would disappear for weeks—sometimes months—without a word.
Then, out of nowhere, I’d get a message: “Hey! How have you been?”
But the small talk never lasted long before they got to the real reason they reached out—help moving, an introduction to someone, advice on a problem they were dealing with.
Once they got what they needed? Silence again.
Famed psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.”
The truth is, letting go of one-sided friendships can be uncomfortable—but it’s often necessary for personal growth.
Friendship shouldn’t feel transactional.
If someone only sees your value when it benefits them, it might be time to ask yourself if they deserve a place in your life.
5) The friend who agrees with everything you say
It might seem like having a friend who always agrees with you would be a good thing.
No conflict, no pushback—just constant validation—but, in reality, this kind of friendship can actually hold you back.
I once had a friend who never challenged me, even when I was clearly making bad decisions.
If I complained about something, they would instantly take my side; if I had an idea, they would nod in agreement, no questions asked.
At first, it felt nice—like having a built-in cheerleader.
But over time, I realized that real friends don’t just tell you what you want to hear; they tell you what you need to hear.
The friends who challenge your thinking—who push you to see things differently—are the ones who help you grow.
A friend who blindly agrees with everything may seem supportive, but in reality, they’re keeping you stagnant.
True friendship isn’t about avoiding discomfort—it’s about helping each other become better.
6) The friend who gossips about everyone
We all know that one friend who always has the latest gossip.
At first, it can seem entertaining, even harmless.
Then, you start to realize—if they’re talking about everyone else behind their backs, what are they saying about you when you’re not around?
I used to have a friend like this.
Every conversation somehow turned into a deep dive into someone else’s personal business—who was struggling, who had messed up, who was on the verge of disaster.
At some point, I started feeling uneasy.
If they had no problem sharing other people’s secrets with me, they probably had no problem sharing mine with others.
Psychologist Brené Brown put it perfectly: “Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; it’s choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy.”
Let’s be honest: Gossip is easy, but real friendships are built on trust and integrity, not tearing others down for entertainment.
If someone in your life thrives on gossip, be careful.
The same words they use to judge others could easily be used against you when you’re not in the room.
7) The friend who drains your energy entirely
Some friendships leave you feeling inspired and energized, while others leave you feeling exhausted.
I once had a friend who never seemed to be in a good place—emotionally, mentally, or otherwise.
All our conversations were heavy, filled with complaints, drama, or personal crises.
I genuinely wanted to help, but no matter how much advice or support I gave, nothing ever changed.
Over time, I realized that our friendship wasn’t built on mutual care—it was built on me constantly giving and them constantly taking.
Some people don’t actually want solutions; they just want someone to unload their problems onto.
Of course, real friends support each other through tough times, but if someone always leaves you feeling emotionally drained without ever offering the same kind of support in return, it may be time to set some boundaries—or even walk away altogether.
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