8 phrases that people with below-average social skills tend to use (without realizing it)

Some people just have a way with words.

They can walk into a room, strike up a conversation with anyone, and instantly make others feel comfortable and engaged. But for many, social interactions don’t come so easily.

And the tricky part? They often don’t even realize what’s holding them back.

There’s a common belief that struggling socially is all about being shy, introverted, or just not “naturally” charismatic. But that’s not always the case.

In reality, it often comes down to small habits—especially the phrases we use without thinking twice.

Certain words and expressions can create distance, make conversations awkward, or even signal insecurity. And unfortunately, those who use them the most usually don’t notice the impact they’re having.

If you’ve ever felt like conversations don’t flow the way you want them to, or that people don’t respond to you as warmly as they do to others, this might be why.

Here are eight phrases that people with below-average social skills tend to use—without even realizing it.

1) “Does that make sense?”

This phrase is meant to check for understanding, but it often has the opposite effect. Instead of making sure the other person follows along, it can come across as uncertain or even condescending.

People with strong social skills tend to assume their point is clear unless someone asks for clarification.

But those who struggle socially often rely on this phrase as a crutch, unintentionally signaling doubt in their own words—or worse, making the other person feel like they weren’t smart enough to follow along.

A better approach? If you genuinely want to check for understanding, try something like, “What do you think?” or “I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.”

This keeps the conversation open-ended and engaging, rather than making it feel like a test.

2) “I just think that…”

For a long time, I didn’t realize how much I used this phrase. It felt natural, like a polite way to introduce my opinion without sounding too forceful.

But the more I paid attention, the more I saw how it weakened everything I said.

When I started a sentence with “I just think that…” or “I feel like…”, it made my words seem hesitant, as if I wasn’t fully confident in my own thoughts. And the strange part? I was confident—I just didn’t sound like it.

People with strong social skills don’t water down their opinions like this. They say, “This is important because…” or “The way I see it is…” instead of adding unnecessary qualifiers.

Removing those extra words doesn’t make you aggressive—it makes you clear and direct.

3) “No offense, but…”

As Benjamin Franklin once said, “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—and most fools do.”

People who struggle socially often think that prefacing a statement with “No offense, but…” softens the blow.

In reality, it does the opposite. It signals that what’s coming next is likely to be offensive, making the other person brace for impact before you’ve even finished your thought.

Strong communicators don’t rely on disclaimers to excuse their words. If something needs to be said, they say it in a way that’s clear but respectful.

And if adding “No offense” feels necessary, that’s usually a sign that what you’re about to say could be rephrased—or maybe doesn’t need to be said at all.

4) “I’m just being honest.”

The human brain is wired to perceive criticism more strongly than praise. Negative feedback activates the same regions of the brain that process physical pain, which is why harsh words can feel like a punch to the gut.

People with below-average social skills often use “I’m just being honest” as a way to justify blunt or tactless remarks.

But honesty isn’t about saying whatever comes to mind—it’s about communicating truth in a way that strengthens, rather than damages, relationships.

Socially skilled people understand that honesty without empathy can come across as rude or dismissive.

Instead of using this phrase as a shield, they focus on how their words are received. Because the truth isn’t just about what’s said—it’s also about how it lands.

5) “I was just kidding.”

A joke isn’t really a joke if the other person isn’t laughing.

People with below-average social skills often use “I was just kidding” as a way to backpedal after saying something that didn’t land well.

It’s an attempt to dodge responsibility—turning the issue back on the other person for “not being able to take a joke” rather than acknowledging that what was said might have been hurtful or poorly timed.

Socially skilled people don’t rely on this phrase because they understand that humor is about connection, not escape. If a joke doesn’t sit right, they pay attention to the reaction and adjust instead of doubling down.

A simple “I didn’t mean for that to come out like that” or “That wasn’t my intention” goes a lot further than pretending it was all in good fun.

6) “Whatever.”

Few words shut down a conversation faster than this one.

“Whatever” is often used as a defense mechanism—something people say when they feel frustrated, ignored, or just don’t know how to respond.

But instead of making the situation better, it creates distance. It signals disinterest, dismissiveness, or even passive aggression, making the other person feel like their thoughts or feelings don’t matter.

People with strong social skills don’t rely on “whatever” to escape a conversation. If they disagree, they express it directly.

If they’re frustrated, they acknowledge it in a way that keeps the dialogue open rather than shutting it down. Because real connection comes from engagement, not avoidance.

7) “It is what it is.”

At first glance, this phrase seems harmless—maybe even wise. But in many conversations, it signals something else entirely: disengagement.

When people say “It is what it is,” they often use it as a way to avoid further discussion. It can come across as indifferent, even when that’s not the intention.

Instead of contributing to the conversation or exploring solutions, it shuts things down, leaving little room for connection or deeper understanding.

Socially skilled people recognize that not every situation needs a perfect response, but they also know that defaulting to indifference isn’t the answer.

A better approach?

Acknowledge the situation with something more thoughtful—whether it’s expressing empathy, curiosity, or simply saying, “That’s frustrating. What do you think we should do?” Because real conversations don’t end with a shrug.

8) “I’m sorry, but…”

An apology followed by “but” isn’t really an apology. It’s a defense.

People with below-average social skills often use this phrase without realizing that it cancels out whatever came before it.

“I’m sorry, but you were being rude” or “I’m sorry, but that’s just how I am” shifts the blame instead of taking responsibility. It turns an apology into an excuse, making the other person feel unheard rather than understood.

Those with strong social skills know that a real apology stands on its own. “I’m sorry for interrupting.” “I’m sorry for how that came across.”

No qualifiers, no justifications—just owning the moment and moving forward. Because the way we handle mistakes says just as much about us as the words we use every day.

The bottom line

The way we communicate shapes how others see us—and how we connect with them. Small, unnoticed habits can create distance without us realizing it.

The good news is that social skills aren’t fixed. With awareness and small adjustments, conversations become smoother, relationships stronger, and confidence more natural.

Start by paying attention to the phrases you lean on. Notice when you soften your words unnecessarily, deflect responsibility, or shut down discussions without meaning to. Shifting even a few of these habits can have an outsized impact on how others respond to you.

The goal isn’t to sound perfect—it’s to sound intentional. Words are tools, and the more carefully we use them, the better they work in our favor.