Friendships evolve as we grow older, and maintaining strong connections requires effort and awareness.
What once came easily—spontaneous hangouts, endless conversations, shared experiences—can start to fade if we’re not intentional about nurturing our relationships.
The truth is, some habits that may have gone unnoticed in the past can quietly erode our bonds over time. If we want to keep meaningful friendships alive, we need to recognize these patterns and let them go.
Here are seven habits to say goodbye to if you want to maintain deep, lasting friendships as you get older.
1) Letting too much time pass without reaching out
Life gets busy.
Between careers, family responsibilities, and personal goals, it’s easy to let weeks—or even months—slip by without checking in on a friend. But as time passes, the gap between you grows.
Strong friendships aren’t just built on shared history; they thrive on consistent connection. When we assume that a true friendship will always pick up right where it left off, we risk taking people for granted.
A simple message, a quick call, or even a meme sent their way can remind your friends that they matter to you. You don’t need grand gestures—just small, consistent efforts to keep the bond alive.
If you want to maintain strong friendships as you get older, don’t wait for the “perfect time” to reach out. Make it a habit to check in before too much time gets away from you.
2) Keeping score
Friendships aren’t transactions.
If you find yourself keeping track of who reached out last, who initiated plans, or who put in more effort, you’re turning your relationships into a balance sheet. And that’s a quick way to weaken the bond.
I used to fall into this trap myself. There were times I’d catch myself thinking, “Why am I always the one making the effort?” But when I stepped back, I realized that true connection isn’t about even exchanges—it’s about showing up because you genuinely care.
Yes, friendships should be mutual, but they also ebb and flow. Sometimes, your friend might be going through something and can’t give as much.
Other times, you’ll be the one who needs grace. Strong friendships survive because both people trust that the effort will balance out over time.
3) Expecting friendships to stay the same forever
Expecting a friendship to remain exactly as it was years ago can lead to disappointment and frustration. Life circumstances change—careers take off, families grow, priorities shift. But that doesn’t mean the friendship has to end; it just means it needs to adapt.
I’ve had friendships that went through phases—times of intense connection and times of distance. What I’ve learned is that clinging to the past version of a friendship can prevent us from appreciating what it has the potential to become.
Instead of resisting change, embrace it. A friendship that grows alongside both people is far more fulfilling than one forced into an outdated mold.
If you’re struggling with change in your friendships, my video on personal freedom might help shift your perspective:
As Alan Watts once said, “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” Letting go of rigid expectations allows our friendships to flourish in new and unexpected ways.
4) Avoiding difficult conversations
Too often, people avoid hard conversations out of fear. Fear of conflict, fear of making things awkward, fear of losing the friendship altogether. But avoiding the truth doesn’t protect a friendship—it slowly erodes it.
Maybe your friend hurt you, but you stay silent to keep the peace. Maybe you’ve noticed them making destructive choices, but you don’t want to seem judgmental. Maybe you’ve been feeling distant, but instead of addressing it, you just let the gap widen.
This kind of avoidance is a slow poison to any relationship. True connection requires honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable.
I believe in taking full responsibility for our lives—including how we show up in our friendships. That means having the courage to speak up, to listen openly, and to work through challenges rather than pretending they don’t exist.
5) Prioritizing status over connection
Friendships should be about genuine connection, not social currency.
Yet, as people get older, some start valuing relationships based on what they can gain—networking opportunities, social validation, or proximity to power. They chase friendships with people who elevate their status while neglecting the ones who truly know and support them.
This mindset is toxic. It reduces relationships to transactions and leaves everyone feeling used. Real friendship isn’t about who looks good on your contact list—it’s about who shows up when it matters.
I reject the idea of rigid dominance hierarchies that place some people above others based on wealth, success, or influence. True worth isn’t measured by achievements—it’s found in how we treat each other.
As Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Prioritize the friendships that make you feel seen, valued, and understood—those are the ones that last.
6) Refusing to apologize
Ego can be a silent killer of friendships.
At some point, you will hurt your friends. Maybe you said something thoughtless, failed to show up when they needed you, or let your own issues get in the way of being present. It happens to everyone. The real test is what you do next.
Some people double down—justifying their actions, shifting blame, or pretending it wasn’t a big deal. Others avoid the issue altogether, hoping time will smooth things over. But unacknowledged hurt doesn’t just disappear; it lingers beneath the surface, slowly chipping away at trust.
A real apology isn’t about just saying “sorry” to make the issue go away. It’s about taking responsibility, acknowledging the impact of your actions, and making a genuine effort to do better.
I believe in taking full responsibility for our lives—including when we mess up. Owning our mistakes isn’t weakness; it’s strength. It’s how we show our friends that they matter more than our pride.
When we let go of the need to be right and instead focus on making things right, we create space for deeper, more resilient friendships.
7) Neglecting your own growth
If you’re not growing, your friendships won’t either.
It’s easy to get stuck in old patterns—playing the same role in your friendships that you did years ago. But people change, and if you’re not evolving alongside them, you risk becoming disconnected from those you care about most.
Friendships thrive when both people are actively engaged in their own personal development. That means pursuing passions, challenging limiting beliefs, and doing the inner work to become a more self-aware and fulfilled person.
When one person grows while the other stays stagnant, imbalance forms—and over time, that can lead to distance.
I believe that true empowerment comes from taking full responsibility for our lives—choosing growth over complacency and transformation over stagnation.
The most fulfilling friendships aren’t just about reminiscing on the past; they’re about inspiring each other toward better futures.
If this resonates with you, my video on embracing personal freedom can provide some valuable insights:
As Carl Jung put it, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Your friendships are only as strong as your commitment to being the best version of yourself—because when you grow, your relationships grow with you.
Friendship is a living, evolving connection
Friendships aren’t static—they shift, grow, and sometimes even fade, depending on how we nurture them.
At the core of every lasting friendship is a willingness to adapt, to show up with honesty, and to let go of habits that create distance rather than connection.
When we prioritize genuine relationships over convenience, vulnerability over surface-level positivity, and personal growth over stagnation, we create friendships that stand the test of time.
True connection isn’t about holding onto the past version of a relationship—it’s about embracing what it can become.
By letting go of the habits that hold us back, we make space for deeper, more meaningful bonds to thrive.
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