If you’ve interacted with someone from a broken family, you may have noticed certain distinct behaviors. These subtle signs can be easy to miss, but are often indicative of their past experiences.
A broken family isn’t a choice, it’s a circumstance – often one that leaves lasting impacts on those involved.
As a psychologist, I’ve observed seven subtle behaviors that commonly show up in people who hail from broken families. These behaviors can vary greatly from person to person, making them challenging to identify and understand.
So here’s a closer look at these seven subtle behaviors – insights that could possibly make all the difference.
1) Overcompensating in relationships
People from broken families often feel an inherent need to overcompensate in their relationships. They strive to provide what they didn’t receive growing up.
For example, they may go out of their way to fulfill the needs and wants of others, sometimes at the expense of their own wellbeing. This stems from a subconscious fear that if they don’t do enough, they might lose the relationship – a reflection of the instability they’ve experienced in the past.
This overcompensation isn’t just limited to romantic relationships. It can manifest in friendships, professional relationships, and even with their own children.
This behavior is a subtle sign of their past, and while it may seem like they’re just being extra caring or generous, it’s often an emotional response to their history.
2) Avoidance of conflict
While it might feel like a natural response to dislike conflict, individuals from broken families often show an extreme aversion to it. This isn’t simply about disliking arguments or disagreements; it’s a fear that even the slightest disagreement might lead to catastrophic fallouts.
In their quest to maintain harmony, they might suppress their own feelings and opinions, choosing instead to agree with others, even when they don’t. This can sometimes make them appear indecisive or passive. But in reality, it’s a protective mechanism they’ve learned over time.
While this avoidance might seem like a good strategy for maintaining peace, it can actually inhibit genuine communication and connection.
It’s essential for these individuals to learn that conflict, when handled correctly, can lead to growth and deeper understanding in relationships.
3) Hyperawareness of others’ emotions
People from broken families often develop an acute sense of understanding and responding to the emotions of others. This is due to their need, from a young age, to navigate and adapt to volatile or unpredictable emotional environments.
They might be able to detect the slightest changes in mood, tone of voice, or body language of those around them.
https://www.danielgoleman.info/This skill, known as emotional intelligence, can make them excellent empathizers and listeners. However, when overused, it can lead to emotional exhaustion as they are constantly tuned into the feelings of others while neglecting their own.
Interestingly, Daniel Goleman, a pioneer in emotional intelligence research, talks about this heightened sensitivity as a double-edged sword.
While it can make these individuals more compassionate and understanding, it can also lead them to absorb others’ emotional states, impacting their own mental wellbeing. It’s important for them to balance this emotional attunement with self-care and boundaries.
4) Strong resilience
Despite the challenges they’ve faced, individuals from broken families often exhibit a remarkable resilience. They’ve weathered storms that many can’t even imagine, and they’ve come out the other side stronger.
This resilience isn’t about a tough exterior or an indomitable spirit; it’s about their ability to bounce back, to adapt, and to keep moving forward even when life throws curveballs at them.
They may have a deep understanding that life is full of ups and downs, and they’ve learned to navigate these waves with strength and grace. This is a testament to their courage and determination.
However, it’s also important for them to know that it’s okay to lean on others and seek help when they need it. Strength doesn’t always have to mean going it alone. Their resilience is commendable, but reaching out for support is equally admirable and necessary for their emotional wellbeing.
5) A knack for self-sufficiency
From an early age, many people from broken families learn to depend on themselves. Maybe they had to cook their own meals, take care of younger siblings, or manage household chores. This early exposure to independence often translates into a strong sense of self-sufficiency in adulthood.
They might prefer to handle things on their own, finding it hard to ask for help even when they need it. They take pride in their independence and their ability to solve problems and make decisions without relying on others.
But here’s the thing – we all have moments when we feel overwhelmed or unsure. In those moments, it’s perfectly okay to reach out and ask for help. Being self-sufficient is a valuable trait, but it doesn’t mean you have to do everything alone.
After all, we’re all human and sometimes, we just need a little support.
6) High achievement drive
People from broken families often develop an intense drive to succeed. This can be traced back to their longing for stability and security that was lacking during their formative years.
Take the case of a friend of mine, for instance. Growing up, she experienced a lot of instability due to her parents’ separation. This motivated her to work incredibly hard academically and professionally. She felt that if she could secure a successful career, she would be able to create the stability she craved.
While this drive can lead to impressive achievements, it’s also important to remember that self-worth isn’t tied to external accomplishments. It’s about finding a balance between striving for success and maintaining mental and emotional health.
It’s perfectly fine to take a step back, take a deep breath, and realize that you’re enough, just as you are.
7) Difficulty in forming secure attachments
People from broken families may find it challenging to form secure, trusting relationships. They might be guarded, afraid to let people in, worried about experiencing the same hurt they’ve felt before.
They might push people away or keep them at an arm’s length. It’s not because they don’t want to connect; it’s because they’re protecting themselves from potential pain.
Here’s the hard truth – avoiding connections won’t keep the pain at bay. It only leads to loneliness. To experience love and companionship, one has to take the risk of being vulnerable. Yes, it’s scary and it might hurt. But it’s also the only way to truly connect with others.
Working through these fears with a therapist or counselor can be incredibly beneficial. It’s not easy, but addressing this issue can lead to healthier and more satisfying relationships. And trust me, you’re worth that effort.
Remember, healing is possible
It’s essential to remember that these behaviors aren’t set in stone. They’re responses to past experiences, and while they’ve served a purpose, they can change if they’re no longer serving you.
People from broken families often carry wounds that run deep. But with time, self-awareness, and perhaps professional help, these wounds can heal. You can learn new ways of relating to others and yourself.
You are not defined by your past. You have the strength and resilience to overcome obstacles and create a fulfilling life for yourself. So take heart and remember – your past may have shaped you, but it doesn’t have to define your future.
Here’s to embracing our past, understanding its impact, and moving forward with resilience and hope. Remember, your past has shaped you, but it doesn’t get to define your future. You do.
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