You know how sometimes you walk away from a conversation feeling smaller than when you entered it?
Well, it might not be you.
There are people out there who have a knack for making others feel less than. And they tend to be pretty slick with their words, using everyday phrases that can subtly undercut your self-worth.
Ever asked yourself, “Why do I always feel so belittled?”
It could be because you’re dealing with a narcissist who’s masterfully using language to keep you on the back foot.
In this article, we’ll delve into seven common phrases a narcissist might casually toss your way, all designed to make you feel like less of a person.
By understanding these phrases and their underlying intent, we can arm ourselves against this emotional manipulation and reclaim our sense of self.
Let’s dive in and debunk the misconception that it’s always about what we’re doing wrong. Sometimes, it’s not about us at all. It’s about them.
1) “I’m just being honest”
Ever heard this one before?
Narcissists have a way of wrapping their hurtful comments in a cloak of ‘truth’. They’ll put you down, then follow it up with “I’m just being honest”, expecting you to appreciate their candor.
But here’s the catch.
Honesty doesn’t equate to cruelty. It’s possible to be truthful without belittling someone. Narcissists use this phrase as an excuse, a get-out-of-jail-free card for their insensitive remarks.
So, next time you hear “I’m just being honest”, remember, it’s not about you. It’s just one of their tactics to make you feel small while they appear ‘authentic’ and ‘straightforward’.
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2) “You’re too sensitive”
This one hits close to home for me.
I remember an old friend who would often pass snide remarks about my choices. Whether it was about my fashion sense, my career, or my love life, she always had something negative to say. When I confronted her about it, her response was always, “You’re too sensitive.”
Let’s get one thing straight.
Expressing that you’re hurt or upset by someone’s comments isn’t being oversensitive. It’s standing up for yourself. Narcissists use this phrase to invalidate your feelings and make you question your reactions.
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If someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, don’t let it shake your confidence. It’s just their way of deflecting blame and maintaining control.
3) “Nobody else thinks that”
This phrase is a doozy.
Imagine sharing your thoughts or feelings, only to be met with, “Nobody else thinks that.” It’s like a punch to the gut, isn’t it?
Narcissists use this phrase to isolate you, to make you feel like your perspective is wrong or invalid because it’s not shared by others.
It’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you doubt your judgment and question your sanity.
But remember this – just because your viewpoint is unique doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Your perspective matters. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
4) “You’re overreacting”
Sound familiar?
This phrase is a classic in the narcissist’s playbook. They do or say something hurtful, and when you react, they accuse you of overreacting.
It’s a way for them to shift the blame onto you and escape accountability for their actions. Instead of acknowledging their wrongdoing, they make it about your supposed ‘overreaction’.
There’s a big difference between responding and overreacting. Don’t let someone else’s misbehavior make you question your valid feelings or responses. You’re not overreacting; they’re under-acknowledging.
5) “You always…” or “You never…”
Let’s talk about absolutes.
When phrases like “You always…” or “You never…” start a sentence, it’s usually not going to end well. Narcissists love using these terms as they generalize your behavior, painting you in an unflattering light.
Interestingly, psychologists call this ‘all-or-nothing’ thinking, a type of cognitive distortion where things are seen as black and white with no middle ground.
But life isn’t absolute. People aren’t absolute. You’re not absolute.
6) “If you really cared about me, you would…”
This sentence is a trap.
Narcissists often use it to guilt you into doing what they want. They tie your actions with your feelings for them, making you feel like a terrible person for not living up to their expectations.
But here’s a gentle reminder.
Love and care are not measured by compliance to someone’s demands. You can genuinely care for someone and still set boundaries. Your worth isn’t defined by how much you sacrifice for others.
So the next time someone tries to manipulate your feelings with this phrase, stand your ground. Your emotions are not bargaining chips to be played with.
7) “I’m the victim here”
This is the ultimate trump card for a narcissist.
When confronted about their behavior, they love playing the victim card. Suddenly, they’re the ones who are misunderstood, mistreated or unappreciated. They twist the narrative to elicit sympathy and shift the focus from their actions to your ‘unfair’ accusations.
But don’t be fooled.
Recognize this for what it is – a diversion tactic to avoid responsibility. You’re not the villain in their self-made drama. Don’t let them manipulate you into believing otherwise. Stand firm in your truth.
The final thought
If you find yourself nodding along to these phrases, it’s possible you’ve been dealing with a narcissist.
But here’s the empowering part – you’re not powerless.
Recognizing these phrases is the first step towards shifting the dynamics. Understanding that it’s not about you, but them, is liberating. It’s them trying to maintain control, not a reflection of your worth.
Start by observing their language patterns. Notice how these phrases make you feel. Then, remind yourself – their words do not define your reality.
This journey isn’t easy, and it’s okay to ask for help. Reach out to supportive friends, family or professionals. People who validate your experiences and encourage your growth.
Remember, it’s not about changing them (that’s beyond your control), but about empowering yourself. Each time you stand up against these manipulative phrases, you’re taking back your power.
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