People who are deeply self-absorbed usually display these 8 behaviors (without realizing it)

Navigating relationships can be tricky, especially when dealing with deeply self-absorbed individuals. The thing is, self-absorption isn’t just about being vain or narcissistic.

It’s an intricate behavior pattern that often goes unnoticed, not just by us, but by the individuals displaying it themselves.

I’ve learned from my studies in psychology that there are certain tell-tale behaviors that can reveal if someone is deeply self-absorbed, often without them even realizing it.

In this article, I’m going to share these insights and unpack 8 specific behaviors that are usually displayed by deeply self-absorbed people.

1) They often turn conversations back to themselves

We all love a good conversation, don’t we? It’s an exchange, a volley of thoughts and experiences passed back and forth.

But for deeply self-absorbed individuals, it’s a different story.

Their conversations tend to revolve around one star player – themselves.

They have an uncanny ability to steer the conversation back towards their interests, experiences, and achievements. This might not be immediately noticeable. It could be as subtle as a gentle nudge or a slight detour in the conversation path.

But over time, you’ll notice the pattern. Their stories, their ideas, their views take center stage.

Of course, everyone likes to share about themselves. But when it becomes a consistent pattern where other people’s voices and stories are sidelined, it indicates deep-seated self-absorption.

Remember, conversation is a two-way street. If it consistently becomes a one-way trip into someone else’s world, that’s your first sign of self-absorption.

2) They lack empathy

Now, let’s delve into a fundamental concept in psychology – empathy.

In a nutshell, empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s like stepping into their shoes and feeling what they feel.

But here’s the thing:

Deeply self-absorbed individuals often struggle with this. They might find it hard to relate to other people’s experiences and emotions, especially when they differ from their own.

It’s not that they’re incapable of feeling empathy. It just doesn’t come naturally to them.

They tend to be so caught up in their own world that understanding others becomes a secondary concern.

This lack of empathy is a classic sign of self-absorption and can make meaningful connections with others a real challenge.

3) They can be surprisingly charming

Interestingly, despite the lack of empathy, self-absorbed individuals can often come off as quite charming.

This might seem contradictory at first. After all, isn’t charm often associated with being attentive and considerate towards others?

Well, this is where it gets tricky.

In the case of self-absorbed individuals, charm is frequently used as a tool to keep the attention and admiration flowing their way.

They know how to say just the right things, exhibit the right body language and ooze a charisma that draws people in. It’s almost like a performance they’ve perfected over time.

However, this charm generally lacks depth. It’s more about maintaining their image and less about forming genuine connections with others.

So if you notice someone who is exceedingly charming but lack deeper connections or understanding of others – it could be another sign of self-absorption.

4) They often play the victim

Have you ever met someone who always seems to be at the receiving end of life’s unfairness?

While life is indeed full of ups and downs, self-absorbed individuals have a peculiar habit of playing the victim.

Every setback, every challenge is amplified and often perceived as a personal attack. They seem to thrive on the sympathy and attention that comes with being the ‘victim’.

This isn’t to trivialize genuine struggles. We all face hardships and have our low moments.

But with self-absorbed individuals, there’s a constant pattern of blaming others or circumstances for their problems. Rarely do they take responsibility for their actions or accept their part in a situation.

This perpetual victim mentality is another common behavior displayed by deeply self-absorbed individuals. It allows them to keep the spotlight on themselves while evading accountability.

5) They have a strong need for validation

We all appreciate a pat on the back or a word of encouragement. But for self-absorbed individuals, this need for validation runs much deeper. It’s almost like a lifeline they cling onto.

Here are a few ways this need for validation might manifest:

• Persistent bragging about their achievements.
• Fishing for compliments or reassurance.
• Being overly concerned about their image on social media.
• Getting upset or defensive over minor criticisms.

While it’s natural to seek approval to some extent, an excessive need for validation can indicate deep-seated self-absorption. It suggests an over-reliance on external validation to bolster their self-esteem.

6) They struggle with listening

Now, I believe we can all agree that listening is the cornerstone of any meaningful conversation. It’s about giving the other person our undivided attention, showing interest in what they’re saying, and responding appropriately.

But here’s the hard truth:

Deeply self-absorbed individuals often struggle with this.

It’s not that they can’t hear what we’re saying. It’s just that they’re not really tuned in. Their minds are often preoccupied with their own thoughts, ideas, or what they’re going to say next.

I’ve observed this tendency in numerous conversations. The moment you start talking, they might lose interest or try to redirect the conversation back to themselves.

Genuine listening is more than just hearing words. It involves understanding and processing those words, showing empathy, and responding thoughtfully. And if someone consistently struggles with this, it could indicate a high level of self-absorption.

7) They disregard boundaries

Imagine you’re at a party, engrossed in a deep conversation with a friend. Suddenly, someone interrupts, steering the conversation towards their latest vacation or work achievement.

Does this sound familiar?

Self-absorbed individuals often have a habit of disregarding personal and social boundaries. They might take up too much of your time, invade your personal space, or share overly personal details without considering your comfort level.

This lack of respect for boundaries is more than just poor social etiquette. It’s a clear sign of self-absorption. It shows a disregard for others’ needs and feelings while prioritizing their own.

So ask yourself: Is there someone in your life who consistently oversteps boundaries? Could this be a sign of deep-seated self-absorption? These are important questions that could shed light on the relationships in your life.

8) They lack genuine interest in others

I remember a friend from college who was extremely charismatic and the life of every party. But when it came to individual interactions, there was a noticeable lack of genuine interest in others.

She would constantly talk about her life, her interests, her achievements, but rarely asked about ours. It wasn’t out of malice, but it was as if our lives were merely background noise to her own narrative.

This is a common trait among deeply self-absorbed individuals. They tend to be so engrossed in their own world that they fail to show genuine interest in the lives of others.

It’s not about asking obligatory questions or feigning interest. It’s about being genuinely curious about other people’s experiences, feelings, and perspectives.

When this curiosity is missing, and interactions become a monologue rather than a dialogue, it can be another sign of self-absorption.

What next?

Now that we’ve explored the common behaviors of deeply self-absorbed individuals, what should you do with this information?

Here are a few suggestions:

• Reflect on your relationships
• Self-evaluation
• Research

Understanding the behaviors associated with self-absorption can be a significant step towards improving our relationships and fostering healthier interactions.

After all, awareness is the first step towards change. So let’s use this knowledge to reflect, learn, and grow.